The Latte Mommy: Vulnerability sucks

The Latte Mommy: Vulnerability sucks: Cleaning cleaning cleaning, thats all ive been doing, but it seems nothing is clean enough. I wish i could clean out my head, of all the bad...

Vulnerability sucks

Cleaning cleaning cleaning, thats all ive been doing, but it seems nothing is clean enough. I wish i could clean out my head, of all the bad memories ive accumulated. I saw this show on mtv last night "catfish" . It was pretty good, it was about being deceived online by people pretending to like you, and tell you lies about themselves, just for fun. Pretending to be a different person with this great life.  Then these guys investigate the person and they take the person to go meet their "online love". This one turned out that it was a girl pretending to be some great guy!! She had been bullied in school and it just felt good to bully others. 
I was watching it and loving it and then i got really sad b/c it just reminds me that some of us, maybe me lol, are just too trusting and giving and put their heart out their. And we get played, not just online but in person. Esp when we are at our most vulnerable . That is when they close in on you. So i turned it off. Like i said, i wish i could clean out these bad memories i keep in my heart and head. But it seems that there is no amount of magic cleaner out there to do that, at least not now. 
HUGS 
xoxox

Relationship 101

Relationships these days are very hard to maintain. ESP if you both come from different backgrounds and both have alot of baggage. It's not always all bad it's just that you BOTH have to be willing to give here and there. If one person is down , you help pick them back up, if it is just going to take time then you pick up the slack. Not picking up the slack makes the person down feel even more down and guilty. It's relationship 101. Although I think some of us missed the boat on this one. The worst thing you can do is blame. If you see someone with signs of stress and depression who tell you they can't take much more and they are losing it it would be so disrespectful and hateful to go looking for other ways to satisfy your needs like sexting other girls online. Role playing with other sluts on webcams and being a pig. If you need to leave the relationship then do so. If you can't stand that your loved one is so down. Talk about it. But cheating just defies every rule of love. Trust honesty , security , support - they all just get thrown out the window.
I'm telling you it's very hard to keep it going. I can tell you from experience. It's supposed to be a partnership you entered with someone you love and you can't do it by yourself. Trust me I tried.
Xoxo

The Latte Mommy: One word

The Latte Mommy: One word: Heartbroken is all i have to say. Heartbroken once again in this "life" of mine.

One word

Heartbroken is all i have to say. Heartbroken once again in this "life" of mine.

The Latte Mommy: The "b@tch is back" lol

The Latte Mommy: The "b@tch is back" lol: I m back, not like i really went anywhere, but kind of a break, to look things over, p eople, places , things, ya kno w lol. So i figured al...

The "b@tch is back" lol

Im back, not like i really went anywhere, but kind of a break, to look things over, people, places , things, ya know lol. So i figured alot out, some good some bad, but one thing is that im not gonna be so complacent anymore,ever since Mike died, and while he was sick i guess i kinda saw a new view of the world, like, nothing is really that important anymore, i mean after watching your best friend, father of your kids and husband suffer for 10 months just to die, everything else seemed so,.. so not important. You know pick your battles type thing,  which was true, to a degree.
I just think the complacency  made me slack. I used to be fiery, stand up for a cause, certainLy stand up for myself and not get walked all over. Ive seen that others may have mistaken  this change of heart in me  for weakness, but i think they just forgot who i was! 
In order to keep myself and my boys and my livelihood in a positive way, i guess i gotta really start acting like you know " the bitch i am" . Cause i am not weak, stupid, ignorant (in the right term), etc. im on my game, I never lost it, just put it to sleep for a little, but the fire has been ignited multiple times and i see this is not what im used to nor what i tolerate. Luv ya   
HUGS xoxox
T.