Rain rain go away.

Somehow this always happens. No matter how much money I have I'm always paying bills when I get the notice that they are going to disconnect and turn off my services. It's like I feel untouchable and then find out I'm the same as every other person out there. At least in one way or another! Money is so tight right now. Some\/ I mean every day I wonder how I'm going to make out. My doctor says back surgery is an option that I really need to explore. Only thing is I have a few areas on my spine and then he said there is a chance the surgery won't work at all. I'm scared of anything touching my spine  sounds weird but that's me. So I guess those 18 years of nursing really did a number on me. Just turned 42 and I never expected that I would be in this place. Just a little rant , in which I could go on and on with different subject matter but I'll save that for a rainy day. I think it's supposed to rain all day tomorrow lol. So get ready! !! lol.
Xoxo hugs
T.

How do I explain ?

I don't understand wtf I'm doing so wrong in life that this stupid black cloud won't go away. I mean yea I'm no angel but I'm generally a good person. I take care of my kids and those close to me that need it as well. I do good deeds. I don't think Ill of people unless they totally screwed me over and unfortunately it's those the closest that have hurt me the most. Or an ex coworker or two that basically didn't care to think about it before they contributed to a major downfall in mine and my children's lives. At least I didn't think so. Anyway I'm really hanging by a thread here in so msny ways but I have to keep up that smile and pretend everything isn't falling apart as I try and explain how life sucks to my boys as gentally as I possibly can !!