I can't believe I'm actually reading this

 I've been reading my blog and I got back to 2013 and I really can't believe what I was reading now when I found my significant other flirting s****** with women online he would never admit it even when I shoved it in his face. Never would say he was sorry because then it would be like he was admitting it. But had the audacity to tell me that I wasn't showing him enough affection. Now I worked 12 hours and did tons of stuff for my kids and their school and whatnot all week. He didn't let's just put it that way. So anyway I'm reading back to 2013 and I'm reading that I'm sitting alone on the couch watching TV and I wanted affection and it was funny because the other person was on the computer and I said wow the screen the other end of that screen must be really important or something like that. Now that just shows me that what he said was not true and that I was right and I knew that wasn't the case and that wasn't an excuse for him to do that online with other girls because that is disgusting especially when it was my computer and it was my house lol. At any rate just wanted to make a note of that maybe I'll start blogging again who knows.

The Latte Mommy: NOT AGAIN< PLEASE

The Latte Mommy: NOT AGAIN< PLEASE: Ill tell you  i really didn't need this right now. It's the same old shit, different day. Just when you think things are gonna calm ...

NOT AGAIN< PLEASE

Ill tell you  i really didn't need this right now. It's the same old shit, different day. Just when you think things are gonna calm down, maybe settle down, etc, havoc starts up again and it's sooooo recognizable.  It's the same as it always was. Maybe worse,So predictable, in every aspect of the situation. But you know what, the best thing for me to do right now and I'm so proud of myself for recognizing it, is to step back, far back, like miles back.  Not get involved. Do nothing. You know how they say sometimes doing nothing is the best thing to do. Well, that time has come, and that is rare for me. It's usually hard to bc i like to get involved in shit and help etc but nahhh i can see this fire from a mile away and the farther away i am, the less burnt i'll get. And i really don't need to be getting damaged mentally , emotionally, shit, in any way. I can see it happening and i'm putting a stop to it now. Taking control. by doing nothing. Isn't it great. I guess when and if the smoke blows over something that resembles what once was may be salvageable.  If not, what can i do. Not a damn thing. Gonna keep busy today around my room clean, paperwork, start a bullet journal, which i just discovered, oooh more crafts for me to do. I'll have fun. 
Hugs T.

The Latte Mommy: The good, the bad and the ugly.

The Latte Mommy: The good, the bad and the ugly.: Well i said goodbye to my car, my 03 explorer.  It had run its course and i needed money so i sent it to the salvage yard, kinda like heaven...

The good, the bad and the ugly.

Well i said goodbye to my car, my 03 explorer.  It had run its course and i needed money so i sent it to the salvage yard, kinda like heaven for cars. lol. I'll miss it but i have a nice new car so its all good.  I can't believe the kids just started school and tomorrow night is already back to school night. This should be very interesting as both of them are in high school so i'll literally have to be in two places at once! You  know usually the mom will go to one and the dad will go to the other, not happening. Every year i get really depressed at back to school night. I see moms and dads and it makes me miss Mike so  much. Every damn year it's the same feeling, it's so unfair that he can't be here to watch his kids in high school, he'd be so proud of them, like i am. I just have to believe that he is up there with me when i go, he's up there watching them in school , the good , bad and the ugly. 
At any rate, things are kinda quiet around here, i guess that's good, no drama. But it's also very lonely. Ill tell you, within a room full of people i'm lonely.  There is always an inner turmoil sitting there. Never just peace. I'm seriously thinking of starting yoga or meditating. I could join a class, or do it alone but it seems when you join a class you are more likely to commit yourself. I need to be taught how to shut my brain down, how to shut the negative thoughts down, and how to stop the hamster wheel.  There is always about 10 things stirring in my head. most of them are problems i need to solve. or that damn to do list that will never ever end let alone get smaller instead of longer every day.  I often wonder, do other people have these issues, or is it me, just me. I know a lot of people do but is there a group of people out there that is so happy or are they just so good at hiding it.  who knows. its their secret. Well i'm off right now to get moving on the to do list, stare at my calendar some more. etc. 
Luv T. 

The Latte Mommy: You cant make someone change

The Latte Mommy: You cant make someone change: I'M getting really tired of all this bullshit , it's just so much anymore, i don't understand why the sun just won't shine o...

You cant make someone change

I'M getting really tired of all this bullshit , it's just so much anymore, i don't understand why the sun just won't shine over me. \Sure i've made some shitty decisions but i think i've made up for most of it. \i've tried at least.  
I would love to understand how people think its ok to give ultimatums when it comes to friends just because they feel threatened by them.. That's all it is, because if they were secure, and trusted their partner they would let them have all the friends in the world, guy girl, blue black purple. who cares. But no,ht  when they want you all to themselves  you know its a problem. its scary. where  is my choice , why isn't it up to me whom i befriend. 
You know, you go through life and meet a bunch of people, a lot come and go, rarely do any stay. You may find one , maybe one, that is honest, trustworthy and just an overall good person, and you are supposed to let them slip away because someone else is jealous or does not share your thoughts, yeah. I'm so over this , in the midst of all this inner turmoil i now have to deal with this. Why is it always something, why is it so hard, it's  not supposed to be hard. and your loved ones should see this and not pressure you and in the end try and make you make a decision on their terms, one they may regret. But let them go ahead and try and make your life miserable, only thing is, i've learned no can make me miserable but myself and those i let do it to me. And i'm not.
Enough for now\
Luv T. 

The Latte Mommy: Dropping back in.

The Latte Mommy: Dropping back in.: well not much has gotten better on this end, christ i havent blogged in forever yet i think i could just take off the same place i left it. ...

The Latte Mommy: Alone but on the inside,

The Latte Mommy: Alone but on the inside,: I hate the strange feeling that has come over me, it often does for no reason at all. Its just a sense of melancholy , sadness, loneliness. ...

Alone but on the inside,

I hate the strange feeling that has come over me, it often does for no reason at all. Its just a sense of melancholy , sadness, loneliness. Its like i could be with many people but i'm still alone. Its not a good feeling at all. Once it sets in its very hard to shake too.  \i mean good things have been happening but i'm almost waiting for the bottom to drop or the black cloud to return,  I'M trying so hard to be everything to everyone. b/c everyone needs something different from me. It gets tiring.  and then, who is there to give to me, I mean who can actually understand and make me feel at ease when i feel like this, hmm. I wish.  Also confusing, i don't want to sleep but i don't want to be awake, i'm so confused. 
I just thought id drop in and say hi, vent a little and maybe break up the monotony going on over here. I just want to feel better inside is all.
Luv T. 

Dropping back in.

well not much has gotten better on this end, christ i havent blogged in forever yet i think i could just take off the same place i left it. Life pretty much sucks right now. I mean some things are getting better but at the same time, some things are getting worse, why cant my worlds collide and make it just a nice peacful happy place to live is beyond me. It just seems there are more things to worry about anymore and im running out of solutions.  Im not about to tell all but ALOT of shitty things have happened to me over the past year yet i keep on kicking. trying to claw my way out . Slowly but surely im trying, cant say i dont have a set back every other day but im still trying.   I cant give up, i owe too many people good things. like my kids, i owe them great things, and great things will come .  
Lately ive had sooo much to do and im just getting really overwhelmed when i even think about it,maybe its cause i put alot off and now its time to catch up. My own fault. So im trying to catch up while keeping ahead of the game. seems like alot always happens at once, then its a dull void.  my brain is tired , fried, confused. Its probably the ADHD, not letting me finish shit, moving on before im finished the last project, cause i get an idea and i move on it. leaving all the other shit in the dust. gotta work on that. 

I cant believe the boys are so old now, god where does the time go, its scary, thats why i gotta do good things, they wont be my little boys forever. well they arent little now but you know.

So this was just a drop back in blog, i gotta work on my to do list as we speak, ill write better tommorow. 


Luv T./

The Latte Mommy: Playing around on the web!!

The Latte Mommy: Playing around on the web!!: Wow, has anyone seen, or used the IFTTT iphone app, it is so awesome ( i know im old, im using the word awesome lol). Anyway, it is a great ...

Playing around on the web!!

Wow, has anyone seen, or used the IFTTT iphone app, it is so awesome ( i know im old, im using the word awesome lol). Anyway, it is a great app. You use "recipes" by using apps together. Its hard to describe, but if you go look up the app, free BTW, you wont be sorry, Ive been playing with it all night and im sure ive only hit the tip of the iceberg.  Of course by playing lol, ive avoiding my duties as "housewife" lol. Real housewives of West Chester over here. Boy ive got enough drama to fill a few episodes. Not necessarily in my town or neighborhood but definitely in my life, so its all good. 

That would be so interesting really, to get to make my own RH series. Im sure alot of women could relate to it, it would make me feel better knowing they could!! If you think about it, really i would despise cameras following me around, esp when im doing dumb shit, which is often. Like talking to myself, and answering myself is even better. Im using my new laptop i got. Its an ACER. Really not a bad one, ive never used an acer before. I prefer HP anyday but this one was on sale bigtime, and i only need it for my stuff. Not big projects , i have the home computer all in one HP for that stuff. This one is just for me. So im trying it out last few days, and like i said, not too bad. Well back to IFTTT, stands for If that then this. lol. Check it out. oh and say a prayer for a former co worker of mine. I dont know the circumstances but she just lost her 23 year old son the other day and the funeral was this morning. I cant imagine the loss of a child, so my heart is with her. Thanks 

HUGS xo

T. 

The Latte Mommy: Busy times, happy times.

The Latte Mommy: Busy times, happy times.: Damn, i havent posted in a long time, i guess i didnt like shady people reading my blog and then trying to use it against me, so i cant deci...

Busy times, happy times.

Damn, i havent posted in a long time, i guess i didnt like shady people reading my blog and then trying to use it against me, so i cant decide to make it private or not. I mean its just my thoughts so really no one should have shit to say about it, if they do, they can say it to my face is all. lol, didnt think so!! All this shit going on, makes me wonder how i keep my sanity, if its not one thing its another. mostly its just the fact that i dont know why i cant just live my life in peace and quiet. I dont know why everyone , who doesnt know me, feel like they should be judging me or why they would think they know anymore than me. Walk a mile or even half a mile lol in my shoes and then go on and comment. I think some people may forget their younger years. I really am not one to judge either. I take people for what i see etc. If i dont know them i dont make assumptions, i dont generally call people dirtbags lol that ive never met before hahah. I could call people lots of names lmao, but i dont. Oh well, maybe i should. Anyway, im trying to stay sane in this crazy world put in front of me, the boys are doing great,, im always happy for that. Their uncle is so great to them. its such a help.  Mike would be so proud of how he stepped up, he is really so non judgemental and just a help, mentally and physically to them.  I feel so bad for kids that only have one parent. i mean mine would die to have their father back, and some kids dont even have loving parents to take care of them in all ways possible. Deadbeat moms and Dads, its so rough. Ah so is life. Im still going strong in school, on my way to my masters, love it.  We are really doing great despite the chaos surrounding us, makes us feel good to help. We always appreciate all the help we ever had, so giving back is no problem, we are just like that, good people with big hearts, and im glad ive taught my children that quality. They see others not acting that way and question it, i just tell them, some people are just narcissistic
, only involved in their own happiness and in crushing others glory. Really just people with no self confidence who dont know how to give. Losers all the way around. Oh well, back to school work, chat later!@!
Luv T.

Tightrope

With all the shit going on lately  and all I've managed to remain relatively calm and in control. I'll tell you finances really can reek havoc
It just seems that lately my mind is elsewhere. I kinda checked out and I'm starting to see the effects of that now  the effects of me kind of checking out or taking care of shit half assed .  And now it feels like I keep myself busy busy busy. Spring cleaning A LOT. And when I stop for a minute my head starts to spin with thoughts of how I need to be doing so many other things to keep my household going as it has been. The boys have been great , I really would love to find something g special to do with them. It's very hard to keep a balance. It's like walking a tightrope !

Rain rain go away.

Somehow this always happens. No matter how much money I have I'm always paying bills when I get the notice that they are going to disconnect and turn off my services. It's like I feel untouchable and then find out I'm the same as every other person out there. At least in one way or another! Money is so tight right now. Some\/ I mean every day I wonder how I'm going to make out. My doctor says back surgery is an option that I really need to explore. Only thing is I have a few areas on my spine and then he said there is a chance the surgery won't work at all. I'm scared of anything touching my spine  sounds weird but that's me. So I guess those 18 years of nursing really did a number on me. Just turned 42 and I never expected that I would be in this place. Just a little rant , in which I could go on and on with different subject matter but I'll save that for a rainy day. I think it's supposed to rain all day tomorrow lol. So get ready! !! lol.
Xoxo hugs
T.

The Latte Mommy: Washing this feeling off of me.

The Latte Mommy: Washing this feeling off of me.: As time goes by, i guess the burn isnt as bitter, isnt as fresh, but its still there. Some people just dont give up. There are alot of thing...

Washing this feeling off of me.

As time goes by, i guess the burn isnt as bitter, isnt as fresh, but its still there. Some people just dont give up. There are alot of things that have happened in the past 9 months that are still stinging. I guess i needed to get burnt in order to believe it for myself. In order to know that i did all i could, to change things for the better. All i could to not believe in pathological liars, to believe that how some things that seemed so innocent yet so jaded were beyond my trying ways. Im trying not to ponder on this too long and really this is the only place i get to vent about it, in the  anonomys  world of my blog. So for now, im really trying to just come to terms with the situation, along with many other ones that have passed my way, and feel completely over it.  It just seems as soon as im ready to let it go, another piece of new bullshit comes at me, and im taken aback, im telling you i actually start to feel physically sick in my stomach and so hopeless that there are real people out there.  its a very alone feeling.  and i dont want to feel this  way anymore.  I want to feel normal. whatever that may be.  I want a do over. i want to see it for what it was from day one. It really makes me sad, especially when its 5am and I cant sleep yet im exhausted and my mind plays tricks on me. Its always worse than it really is. Well ive said my piece this night and i need to wash my mind of it right now and change my tune. Get this sickening feeling off of me. Good luck with that , eh lol. 
T. 

The Latte Mommy: Not as innocent as they seem.

The Latte Mommy: Not as innocent as they seem.: Looking back at 2013 its hard to believe i really only blogged less than 100 times. Alot happened but i guess i just wanted to keep it to my...