No time for pain.

I just went shopping , finally got some money and went food shopping and for other bathroom, kitchin stuff. Ah i loved it. THere were a few things i was going to get, had my hands on them ` going in the cart when .. i thought for a minute, Im getting paid tomorrow and i still need to pay some overdue bills so id better wait, pay the bills and then use extra to buy stuff for ME . A few things like , well who knows, i may even change my mind by tomorrow so its better i waited. A cure for my impulsiveness, thinking of no electricity haha
So the boys helped me bring in the 100 bags, they always give you so many bags at Target. I put the cold stuff away, now have everything else still. My back is killing me, only had my injections 12 days ago and im in pain, im gonna try and call her tomorrow, she told me to if it acted up. Sometimes all the pain medecine in the world wont help this back pain. Its such a different pain . And i still have to put alot away, finish wash, vaccum, kitty litter, dishwasher and dishes and then work 2 12's this weekend in ICU. Im screwed, if you cant tell. When my back hurts like this, im miserable. i wanna cry , well i do sometimes. like right now, im thinking and im hurting and im tearing up. Im on the couch watching the end of Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion and drinking my Starbucks Frappachino plugging in my heating pad. The rest will wait, its not going anywhere tonight and neither am i. Its a shame i dont have any help , isnt it???? Well hey, im not letting this ruin my
shopping high. lol

Well, here we are again. Im trying out some different colors and stuff here. Having ADHD ive learned that i do best if i make things colorful, color coded, in lists, you know interesting to look at and remember. So lets see how this turns out, for the fun of it.
It was one of those days, back was killing me, beyond belief. So, i figured instead of going to the ER= I didnt feel that bad! I stopped in the Urgent care center- orthopedic. Its about two miles down the road from my house and id gone once before. They were pretty nice, so i gave it a shot. Had a really nice talk with the doctor, she ended up doing alot of xrays. AND, of course, i always thought that maybe i was imagining the pain, making it worse than it was, probably nothing wrong with me. BUT, apparently i have BAD thoracic back arthritis. YES, i said it ARTHRITIS. And im not even 40. wtf. I have a strong family hx of it and that is a huge factor. Im a woman, and ages 40-65 are prime. Esp those who have either had a back injury or do strenuous work with their back.- HELLO NURSING.  I was so bummed, she showed them to me. I knew what i felt wasnt nothing. It hurts, all the time, and now its a proven fact. Arthritis is painful, esp in your spine.  So i am supposed to do some core body strengthening exercises, PT, and pain management. Im so tired of being in pain. I hope this can get better. 
That was the excitement of my day. Yeah great news. Now i really want to go back to school, how can i continue to do this to my body for 20+ years.  I didnt get everything accomplished that i wished for but my back was pretty high on my list. I also went to a school event for the younger one. It was nice and he was happy i was there. So i still have many many phone calls and appts to make. Its so overwhelming . I managed to clean up the house. That feels nice. Cooked a nice dinner for the boys, etc. It wasnt a bad day.
On that note, really funny quick here, i just put this coconut milk, with jojaba oil on my bfs hair, and it needs to set, so i snuck into the bedroom and grabbed my flower shower cap and i snuck it on him and he had a fit- laughing that is!! I actually laughed= thats good for me.YEAH!!!  

Looking at my future

Yeah i know i havent been around in a little bit, sorry. I guess i just havent felt that "spark" to write. I hate it when that happens, to me it feels like im just not feeling like me, but ive actually felt ok.  On call this weekend, yeah!! so i get to actually spend a weekend with the boys, just them and me. Ive had alot to take care of lately and ive kept up pretty good. Im actually glad im off work. Seems they are really looking at us, under a microscope, not sure why but alot of people have either left or been fired in the past 6 months, something is going on. I know nurses are supposed to be "in demand" but they arent acting like it. Unless they are trying to weed out the old- higher paid more seniority and higher the new.  Job security is scary, esp since im now a single, widowed mom of two growing boys.So anyway i figure if im not there i cant screw up lol. Im in the process of registering for online college to get my RN-BSN . I need my bsn to get a better or higher up job and i would like to have alot of options. I really want to teach- clinical. Hands on, like in a nursing school, i been doing this job 15 yrs, think i know what im doing and I LOVE teaching.  I just taught a nurse at work something she didnt know how to do and she came out and said thank you, you are so patient! you taught me so well! I was Shocked lol, im not patient, but maybe in a teaching situation i am and in my normal rush rush life im not. Its just a calling ive had in the past few years so im going to go for it. I cant work in critical care and be doing all this laborious work, its so physical and no one seems to get it. they think i give pills and sit at a desk. NO way, im on my feet for basically the whole 12 hours i work and im constantly lifting , pulling up, turning dead weight patients on ventilators. Its not their fault but my back is already in bad shape. Ok ta ta for now. getting my heating pad out as we speak lol