I guess its time to face it all !

Well, this year is almost over. THANK GOD. I dont think it was one of the best. I remember last year i was so ready for the new year. I kept believing that all the misery and sadness of mike dying would disappear and the boys and I would lead a normal, fun, new year where we were all productive and our problems would lessen. WRONG!!! . I kept saying, i cant wait for the new year, fresh start. NOPE. Just a day in the life. Now a year later, i dont know how i feel.
I am anticipating a great New year again. 2012. Its time we get it together. We've spent long enough in this mode. I've got to get it together and start being what i need to be. Doing what i need to do- when i need to do it. Im strong, i can do it. Whenever ive been down id always say, im a strong independent woman and i can do anything. Well its true. Ive just got in this hole and ive stayed there too long. Ive been trying to climb out but... now i guess i have no excuses lol. There are so many things i want to do, fix, work on, etc. If i dont do it , i never will, and i will continue to feel the guilt that i do. And its not worth it! 
Guilt is one of those horrible feelings that really dont do much for anyone. Its just bad no matter what. I need to release it all and realize i am doing my best, b/c i am. I am only one person, b/c i am. I can change alot of things but there are things i cant change, no matter how hard i wish i could. Wish me luck!
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012  

Productive day ahead!!

I havent felt very good, so i wasnt ready or up to writing until now 630am lol. I just went to Starbucks and got my fav drink and one for later lol. Its my fav place in the whole world. Nov 17-20 from 2-5p you can buy one holiday drink and get one free!! YEAH. THey just came out with their christmas cups, tumblers, mugs. I cant wait to get mine. So kids should be getting up soon, and off to school. One has a field trip. fun. The other has some type of publishing party. Im not sure if parents are supposed to go. hmmm. So i just emailed his teacher to make sure if im supposed to be there!  I am sad to say i havent done or followed through on any of the big things i started. Phone calls, meetings, etc.. That is so me and that is what im trying to change. Why cant i? They say it takes like 21 days or something like that to make a habit. So if i stay up in the daytime and make sure i accomplish one thing per day. Maybe if i even start walking every day. By 3 weeks it will be a habit. Thats not long at all. I can do that.
Its chilly out, a little rainy, i love this weather. Cool, cloudy, i either like it like that, or sunny, no inbetween stuff.
So Im back, i took a little break, went to Starbucks, got a little list going now. Gonna be productive today- i promise me and you. Ill let you know what i get done later, But im dressed, doing wash, kids off to school, straightening up, and drinking my fav frappachino . Starbucks has their xmas stuff - mugs out. Yeah!! i need a new tumbler for coffee.
Well wish me luck, im going to have a productive day!!!
HUGS
T.