Nursing can be emotionally draining!!

Ill do a little posting here, got called into work. Not so bad, only had to work 7 hrs vs my usual grueling 12 lol. Was a sad day tho, had a "gift of life" donor. Means someone was healthy but braindead and they were an organ donor. Its a long process, you spend every second with that patient doing work. TOns of bloodwork, tons of medications, lines put in, monitering all kinds of stuff, basically making sure every part/organ of that person is JUST right and stays that way until the "harvest" takes place. That is when the person goes to the operating room and the organs are taken, it definitely puts a different spin on organ donation. I mean you realize that they and their family are doing everything they can to help another unfortunate person live another day, yet its so barbaric. Ive seen one once, years ago. I dont even know how i can describe how i felt. I know the persons brain was dead, gone , their spirit somewhere else, somewhere good- for they were giving the ultimate sacrifice. Im not an organ donor, i know, a nurse who isnt! I just have mixed feelings, a personal choice, as we all have these choices.  So it was sad, esp because the pt was in their early 20's. such a young life to be taken.  Its just one of those things that make me question so many things in the world, and beyond. I often go there in my head. I wouldnt stay for another "harvest" , it just makes me ill inside. too sad, but i give the patient alot of praise for that decision they made beforehand, you know that little sticker on your drivers license. They may just be saving alot of lives tonight!

I didnt really like this day!!

Usually Fridays are tolerable but today kinda sucked. First off, i slept alot- i wasnt even that tired , just seemed easy. The boys were involved in their video games etc and woke up late themselves. I missed an appointment and didnt call the doctor like i needed to. I basically swept all my responsibility under the rug as i often do.  I've got to stop that, im the only responsible , well the only parent they have. I cant mess up and fix it later. Later is too late. I feel like i barely saw them this week, well with me going away and then i had to bring them to BIL's house tonight cause i work this weekend, the usual.  I'll have to make next week a priority for them, and for me.
Got a message on the home phone from the principal of the boys school. It was that "end of summer" pre recorded message. Geez, summer flew by. I wanted it to be special, well do some fun things , we did but not nearly as much as i had planned on. We all have alot to do to get ready for school. Mostly me, the boys need to finish readings and do some math. I , on the other hand, need to go through our "homework box" . This big box of school supplies, i made it in my trials of ADD research. I bought 2 new baskets for the stuff and need to go through it and transfer, clean , throw out, etc. I have to really get my butt moving when it comes to Nicholas and his "IEP" . Its a private school so its not an iep but its similar, since his diagnosis of ADD at the end of the school year. Teachers and I are working together to help plan this year for him. This is something that is very important and i cant slack. Then i need to really keep an eye on the younger one, well i need to get him evaluated for things, but ive been slacking. I promise ill make all my calls on MONDAY.
So anyhow, i didnt do much of anything today, and of course now im awake, and trying to be as productive as one can possibly be at 1am. OHH gotta pay my car bill, thanks for reminding me!!  And then the glorious next 2 days of Hell, i mean work, sorry, slip up!! I hope its not a bad weekend, not too stressful please, i like the exciting sick people ICU stuff, but the emotional drama and family shit just stresses me out and its not a good stress. Its the kind where you just wanna shout " GET OUT" . Yeah i wish. We definately need visiting hours again. Got rid of them years ago, makes the family feel better and i told you about how important the family, not the patient, is. So they can come and go as they please all freaking day long. No privacy for any other patients nor for us the nurses. One day i know it will change back, dont know if ill be doing bedside care then but it will still be an achievement in my eyes.
OK, gonna keep on moving.
HUGS

Another weekend

Well its Friday night, that means another work weekend has arrived, my 2 12hr shifts. I know it doesnt seem like much work to people, but it is some hard laborious work. On my feet all day, walking , then its pulling 200-300 dead weight and all the various equipment attached to them.  Not that i need a man to do my job but we all are little girls in my ICU, small, strong- but little . It takes a toll on you after what- 15yrs so far. My back has had it. I get home from work and im done! Calling the heating pad and the bath. So by Monday im so exhausted- now add on to that my (psych/med ) issues at the moment.
Im in the middle of switching up meds, need a mood stabilizer and my add meds arent fine tuned at the moment. Could it get worse lol. probably.
Sometimes i could care less what i look like at work, scrubs, clogs, etc but i think when i feel pretty- like my hair /makeup looks good and i have pink scrubs on- instead of hospital blue- i seem to work a lil better. I need to remember that at 530am lol
Ive been doing wash since last night- where did it all come from? I have so much mail, paperwork to file, to get finished, to start. Im such a procrastinator (add) . I'll tell you, i bought 5 good books a couple months ago and i cant read anymore. I start and i lose focus, i used to be such an avid reader. I really need to get this med thing settled.
ta ta for now.
Luv T.