Tuesday, May 15, 2012

This is where I've been

Have you looked at your life where you have been, what you've accomplished , where you are now ? Does it surprise you or make you proud? I do it every now and then. When I come to certain periods in my life, like now at the age of 40. I hate sounding ungrateful , I mean I have my health , a roof over my head , 2 great children , a car and parents. But something is definitely missing. This is really no where close to where I ever thought I would be. I guess I thought I would have more of a normal life. A house, my husband and happiness. Contentment. Thats what's missing the most. I'm not settled I'm not content I'm not done. So many things I'd thought I'd be doing or I thought I'd accomplish by now. I know I'm the only one that can change my life and I'm the only one to make things happen but I guess I've become stuck , not feeling able to make my dreams come true like I used to feel. I've lost the confidence and the fight I once had in me. It's scary to think that this is it. I can't imagine that this is where I will stay. That this is the extent oft happiness. It can't be. I suppose I need to really look in myself to find the answers and find what I need to keep going. It's so hard.