Saturday, October 12, 2013

The Latte Mommy: Done

The Latte Mommy: Done: I am so freaking tired of getting taken advantage of, used for when its to everyone elses liking, keep meeting fair weathered friends. Im do...

Done

I am so freaking tired of getting taken advantage of, used for when its to everyone elses liking, keep meeting fair weathered friends. Im done with all that shit, for good!

The Latte Mommy: You cant play me...

The Latte Mommy: You cant play me...: I think ive become too trusting again, to everyone. Seems i go through these stages where i feel how vulnerable ive become and decide to fig...

You cant play me...

I think ive become too trusting again, to everyone. Seems i go through these stages where i feel how vulnerable ive become and decide to figure out what if anything is going on. I mean beyond what is right in front of me. I mean do people really think im that stupid. as stupid as they treat me, as stupid as they expect me to be. Like i cant count, or i cant hear, or i cant add 2 plus 2-in my world it equals 4, but others would have me believe i was wrong, or someone somewhere else was wrong. Im just so mentally drained with people playing with my emotions and my feelings. I think im loyal, to a fault. To the fault of getting my heart broken, by friends and men both.  Its funny tho, the way i let them keep on thinking that im that blind. Duh, i see every god damn thing that goes on in front and behind me. I see it coming and going. They just dont realize what im going to do , what my plans are , with that information. Ha, let them wonder just a little, let them keep on thinking they got one over on me, and when they least expect it, Bam, there i am, with my eye on the prize, holding something so important, wow, its an explosive feeling, when you are getting played, its almost a feeling you feel void without. Enough said.
Hugs xoxo

Monday, October 7, 2013

The Latte Mommy: I only lost my glasses today!!

The Latte Mommy: I only lost my glasses today!!: T his day is really strange, well i guess the past two. Ive been awake for awhile, not quite sure how long, Last week i was really sick, cau...

I only lost my glasses today!!

This day is really strange, well i guess the past two. Ive been awake for awhile, not quite sure how long, Last week i was really sick, caught something from my son and basically slept for 3 days straight. So naturally now im awake. Naturally for me that is. Besides the fact that my ADHD really interferes with a normal schedule of any kind for me, i also have a sleep/wake disorder.  Actually its called Delayed Sleep Wake Disorder and it often accompanies ADHD. Apparently its a real disability. Its just that I cant sleep when im supposed to , sleep better in early morning to afternoon, and often stay up for a day or two and make up for it by sleeping 12+ hours the next day. Its compared to living with 6 hours jet lag all the time. Nice lol. Anyway, i feel pretty good today, I really dont mind being awake alot because its when i can be productive and actually get things done. I have a to do list that is just enourmous and overwhelming to me. Even accomplishing one or two things a day for me is great. I struggle with that every day. The guilt of not being productive, its hard to deal with. Its not like i can just DO IT. It seems that should be true but its not. 
Aside from the fact of losing , i mean misplacing , my new glasses, ive been pretty focused today! lol
xoxo

Sunday, October 6, 2013

The Latte Mommy: Head is spinning.

The Latte Mommy: Head is spinning.: Once again, i ask myself the question, why is life so hard? Or at least for me. I get so tired of my mind spinning and spinning trying to fi...

Head is spinning.

Once again, i ask myself the question, why is life so hard? Or at least for me. I get so tired of my mind spinning and spinning trying to figure out the answers. Nothing is ever easy, its always a chore, just to get the easy things in life accomplished. Im trying to go back to school, taking online classes- its so hard,considering ive been out of school for like 15 yrs at least. And the procrastinator that i am , im always underestimating the time i need to complete assignments so they are either late or i miss turning them in. Its not that i cant do the work, its my lack of organizational skills and my procrastination. Im scared ill never amount to anything at this point. Being out on unemployment makes me never want to work again. But im not rich and money from my late husband wasnt left to me last minute. He had some birdies in his dying ear so his girlfriend got 50k, and of course my boys have a trust. We werent divorced, just seperated but still loved each other. Its a long disgusting story of how people take advantage of dying people. To his dying day i took care of him, and was with him in the hospital that night. We had discussed it and he was leaving me money to cover all of our marital debt and so that the boys and I would have somewhere secure to always live, but like i said, things changed last minute when his girlfriend was a witness to his will, the one he made less than 48 hours before he died, and he was in no shape to make a will. But i wouldnt , didnt, couldnt fight the will. It was his last words, and who was i to fight it, besides his wife and mother to his children!! It wasn't in me tho. So i remain poor , living in debt with nothing to my name. Besides that, im scared of what lies ahead of me. Does anything? Im scared to fail school, be a nothing. My fear and anxiety overwhelm me at times. But i never let it show , to anyone. Being a single parent is very scary, and it pisses me off, i didnt sign up for this. Its no ones fault and there is no one to blame and I think that is why i get so aggravated
Enough bitching. I will overcome this like always, im just scared and anxious and tonight my head is spinning. Had to vent. 
xoxo.