Sunday, June 23, 2013

The Latte Mommy: Vacation, where are you???

The Latte Mommy: Vacation, where are you???: we ll I made a new friend but im hopeful that her boyfriend lets her be my friend. he is kinda controlling. I dont know the whole story so i...

Vacation, where are you???

well I made a new friend but im hopeful that her boyfriend lets her be my friend. he is kinda controlling. I dont know the whole story so i cant pick sides but im harmless, i have no alterior motives, Im genuinely lonely as hell and need a friend like you dont know.  I hope it works out.  Ive been feeeling ok, my back has been hurting me like hell, i need to change my doc appt before i hit the shore this weekend coming up. Ocean City NJ here i come. It will be fun with the boys and my sister and brother in law and mom and dad. Nothing to worry about, well thats the way i make it when i vacation. I leave it all behind and just relax dont worry and be happy. Ahhh one week isnt enough!!! 
xoxox
T/

Saturday, June 15, 2013

The Latte Mommy: Sub-par is all i can be.

The Latte Mommy: Sub-par is all i can be.: I think as im  becoming more depressed over all this im also becoming very hateful of the people that have wronged me and/or the people that...

Sub-par is all i can be.

I think as im  becoming more depressed over all this im also becoming very hateful of the people that have wronged me and/or the people that pretended to be my friend yet have either backstabbed me or in some way hurt me by not being there or caring.Im becoming a hateful person and thats not who i want to be. But im looking at these people and their lives and how much either fun they are having or places they have gone, as i sit here in my home, with zero dollars and not much of a future at this time. Ive taken my boys nowhere, i never had the money. I cant do anything fun with them, i dont have the money. We spend alot of good time together and thats what we have, its blissful. But its sub-par to the mother i wish to be.  Actually im sub-par to the person i wish to be, its hard to change t hings that are out of your control. I guess i should just keep to myself because every time i make friends and let them in, i get hurt, whether it be on purpose or by neglect but im tired of it. Im tired of fighting for nothing. It should have been me, 

Thursday, June 13, 2013

The Latte Mommy: always alone

The Latte Mommy: always alone: you know, i hate to be a party poop but im feeling like its me against the world and i dont like anyone!i really do feel like a kid having a...

always alone

you know, i hate to be a party poop but im feeling like its me against the world and i dont like anyone!i really do feel like a kid having a tantrum but i feel like a kid who just doesnt understand what the hell is going on in this life. Its not supposed to be this hard, i mean come on, i really thought id endured all the life crisis and life altering events i should have by now, way more than normal. But it keeps coming, , its like push me down and at the same time, lets highlight the people who do wrong secretly. Im just in a foul mood, im sorry, i dont know whether im awake or tired or happy or sad or what, im just so mixed up and alone. always alone.
xo T.

The Latte Mommy: Its so unfair...

The Latte Mommy: Its so unfair...: Well im not as moody today but things are the same, no better no wor se, well in order to get my health insurance, Cobra, continued i have t...

Its so unfair...

Well im not as moody today but things are the same, no better no worse, well in order to get my health insurance, Cobra, continued i have to pay over 2,000. up front. I dont see how that is feasible for people. As im in this predicament im finding that the US sucks, i mean if i didnt have family helping me, id be on the street, If you dont have any savings, you are screwed if anything happens, how can that happen to someone like me, middle class, normal family minding my own business, then BOOM, the ball drops and its like you are in HELL.  Now i can see why some women turn to stripping or prostitution or some illegal activity, not that i advocate either of them, but isnt it sad that that is where the money is, that is where you can turn to stay afloat in this world. I just want to scream to one of those baseball players that make millions of dollars and ask for a little bit of money to help me get through. How is it fair in this world the hierarchy of importance..  Sometimes it takes a disaster to see things in a different light. to see from others view. and i dont like it. Things have got to get better!

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The Latte Mommy: This is no life,,,

The Latte Mommy: This is no life,,,: Why arent things getting better? Im waiting for the sun to come out but its just pouring cats and dogs in my home.  Well my home for how muc...

This is no life,,,

Why arent things getting better? Im waiting for the sun to come out but its just pouring cats and dogs in my home.  Well my home for how much longer i cant say. Im losing everything right in front of my eyes. Now i need to get health insurance in the interim while im not working. Cobra is a joke. Its costing me 1900.00 a month to cover me and my two boys. Who has that kind of money?? In the meantime, we arent able to get any prescriptions b/c they all cost about 200.00 without insurance. This is a big joke. And they wont start it until they receive their payment. so until i get that money together im shit out of luck.. In order to get any assistance from the gov. i need to provide about 12 different forms and proof of everything and all bills. I dont even know where all these documents are! Im telling you, its a fine line between living a good life and poverty and being out in the streets, where me and the kids will be soon. The amount im getting for unemp. per month is barely enough to cover my rent. Im paying bills right before they shut me off. I cant keep doing this. It takes time to get a job, and start working and get a paycheck. I dont know what im supposed to be doing, oh right the advice of a family member, " i may need to change my lifestyle" hahahha, oh you mean no more steak and lobster or getaways to the island, lmao, i have nothing, i own nothing, im wearing clothes from i cant tell you when, i havent had a prof haircut in 5 yrs. Our staple is pasta, we go nowhere, what lifestyle???Im getting chest pain, i cant function like this. People should think before they open their big mouths, all over the place, thats how i ended up where i am, People talking about shit, talk, its talk that is going to end my kids and me in a shelter. Geez thanks so much , all my friends, not. I dont know what a friend is anymore. Ive got to go think

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

The Latte Mommy: Here comes a rant...

The Latte Mommy: Here comes a rant...: OK, are you ready for a rant because if not, you may as well not read any further.  I know the saying "God only gives you as much as yo...

Here comes a rant...

OK, are you ready for a rant because if not, you may as well not read any further.  I know the saying "God only gives you as much as you can handle" and I really was a believer in that. Ive been through rough times in my life, trust me and although they looked very grim, somehow i managed to get through it and learn from it and move on.  But lately, i dont know what is going on, i keep getting slammed with shit, excuse my french.  Its like I keep hitting a brick wall. Everything that looks promising and like it will work out great is just a big old joke. Its like i get my hopes up ( not too much b/c i am a glass half empty kind of chic) , and right when it looks sunny and bright it not only pours but its a hurricaine!  I am really in a position right now where i am so confused , its like the answers seem easy, to anyone else, sure just do x, y and z and it will all work out. But its so much more complicated than that. I thought it was hard losing my husband, my best friend for the past 22 years, but as the years go by without him - its been 3 July 1. it keeps getting harder and harder, to function as a single parent with two boys and when the shit hits the fan, its bad. 
I think i could keep saying the same things over and over in differnt words, but its of no use. I know that i will get through this, but at what cost? Losing my mind, my health, my sanity. It just cannot get any worse or i dont know what. Ill pride myself that years ago, i may have thrown in the towel, thought bad thoughts, went into a deep hole, but not now, i mean yes im losing it but i cant, not with the two loves of my life beside me , counting on me, as they should b/c behind all the parental guilt i feel, there isnt a bond like that of a mother and her boys. I gotta keep going. Just keep me in your thoughts, please xoxo
T.