The Latte Mommy: really good advice

The Latte Mommy: really good advice: Did you ever come across one of those articles in a magazine, "Why do men cheat?". Of course you have,  I often glance at the title and thin...

really good advice

Did you ever come across one of those articles in a magazine, "Why do men cheat?". Of course you have,  I often glance at the title and think hmm i wonder what reasons there could be, and this article was giving 30 reasons or so. But i usually just keep on going, really what importance is it for me, - thinking foolishly "my man wouldnt cheat". Now im talking all kinds of cheating, not necessarily sex. The emotional cheating is just as bad, when your partners mind wanders, a little too far away from its home.  Its a matter of love, honor , respect and dignity. At any rate, i came across an article 31 reasons why men dont cheat. It was just simple but beautiful.  
For all the men out there that keep their promise of fidelity and maintain the intimacy they have with their love, the read is for you. B/c  i dont believe that all men cheat. I dont believe "once a cheater , always a cheater" . I believe anyone can change, its kind of like going on a diet, its not just the fact you cant have 10 choc chip cookies, in the next week b/c you need to get into that dress this weekend, its that you have to change your lifestyle. maintanence is the hardest part.
I still think of the saying, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice , shame on me. Anyway, here is a link to it if you like, http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/31-reasons-why-men-dont-cheat/
Its a good website- so there is my thought for the hour lol.
Hugs xoxo

The Latte Mommy: Vulnerability sucks

The Latte Mommy: Vulnerability sucks: Cleaning cleaning cleaning, thats all ive been doing, but it seems nothing is clean enough. I wish i could clean out my head, of all the bad...

Vulnerability sucks

Cleaning cleaning cleaning, thats all ive been doing, but it seems nothing is clean enough. I wish i could clean out my head, of all the bad memories ive accumulated. I saw this show on mtv last night "catfish" . It was pretty good, it was about being deceived online by people pretending to like you, and tell you lies about themselves, just for fun. Pretending to be a different person with this great life.  Then these guys investigate the person and they take the person to go meet their "online love". This one turned out that it was a girl pretending to be some great guy!! She had been bullied in school and it just felt good to bully others. 
I was watching it and loving it and then i got really sad b/c it just reminds me that some of us, maybe me lol, are just too trusting and giving and put their heart out their. And we get played, not just online but in person. Esp when we are at our most vulnerable . That is when they close in on you. So i turned it off. Like i said, i wish i could clean out these bad memories i keep in my heart and head. But it seems that there is no amount of magic cleaner out there to do that, at least not now. 
HUGS 
xoxox

Relationship 101

Relationships these days are very hard to maintain. ESP if you both come from different backgrounds and both have alot of baggage. It's not always all bad it's just that you BOTH have to be willing to give here and there. If one person is down , you help pick them back up, if it is just going to take time then you pick up the slack. Not picking up the slack makes the person down feel even more down and guilty. It's relationship 101. Although I think some of us missed the boat on this one. The worst thing you can do is blame. If you see someone with signs of stress and depression who tell you they can't take much more and they are losing it it would be so disrespectful and hateful to go looking for other ways to satisfy your needs like sexting other girls online. Role playing with other sluts on webcams and being a pig. If you need to leave the relationship then do so. If you can't stand that your loved one is so down. Talk about it. But cheating just defies every rule of love. Trust honesty , security , support - they all just get thrown out the window.
I'm telling you it's very hard to keep it going. I can tell you from experience. It's supposed to be a partnership you entered with someone you love and you can't do it by yourself. Trust me I tried.
Xoxo

The Latte Mommy: One word

The Latte Mommy: One word: Heartbroken is all i have to say. Heartbroken once again in this "life" of mine.

One word

Heartbroken is all i have to say. Heartbroken once again in this "life" of mine.

The Latte Mommy: The "b@tch is back" lol

The Latte Mommy: The "b@tch is back" lol: I m back, not like i really went anywhere, but kind of a break, to look things over, p eople, places , things, ya kno w lol. So i figured al...

The "b@tch is back" lol

Im back, not like i really went anywhere, but kind of a break, to look things over, people, places , things, ya know lol. So i figured alot out, some good some bad, but one thing is that im not gonna be so complacent anymore,ever since Mike died, and while he was sick i guess i kinda saw a new view of the world, like, nothing is really that important anymore, i mean after watching your best friend, father of your kids and husband suffer for 10 months just to die, everything else seemed so,.. so not important. You know pick your battles type thing,  which was true, to a degree.
I just think the complacency  made me slack. I used to be fiery, stand up for a cause, certainLy stand up for myself and not get walked all over. Ive seen that others may have mistaken  this change of heart in me  for weakness, but i think they just forgot who i was! 
In order to keep myself and my boys and my livelihood in a positive way, i guess i gotta really start acting like you know " the bitch i am" . Cause i am not weak, stupid, ignorant (in the right term), etc. im on my game, I never lost it, just put it to sleep for a little, but the fire has been ignited multiple times and i see this is not what im used to nor what i tolerate. Luv ya   
HUGS xoxox
T.

The Latte Mommy: email me to continue

The Latte Mommy: email me to continue: Heres an addendum. If you want to follow me, and continue reading my blog, email at the address above, ill then add your email to the list o...

email me to continue

Heres an addendum. If you want to follow me, and continue reading my blog, email at the address above, ill then add your email to the list of readers. Thanks
I hope you all email me,
HUGS
T.

The Latte Mommy: Hi all, i think that i want my blog to be private,...

The Latte Mommy: Hi all, i think that i want my blog to be private,...: Hi all, i think that i want my blog to be private, although i only have 8 followers lol, ill give you all the information on this soon. If y...

Hi all, i think that i want my blog to be private, although i only have 8 followers lol, ill give you all the information on this soon. If you happen to read my blog and enjoy it, then send me a message or a comment. i know alot of people read this that arent followers so i urge you to follow me before i change it to private. There are just alot of people in the world out to get you and forgive me, i dont want to give them any more ammunition than they have etc.
Sadly,
T. 
xoxox

The Latte Mommy: What language is that ??

The Latte Mommy: What language is that ??: ive just determined, i know, its taken me this long! but i just figured out that me and my teenager son speak completely different languages...

What language is that ??

ive just determined, i know, its taken me this long! but i just figured out that me and my teenager son speak completely different languages. Apparently ive lost all my coolness, now that im a mom. Although in my mind im still 25 not 40! I thought i was still cool. I am. I know i am. He just doesnt realize it yet lol.
Anyway im so proud of myself, my funds are very very low right now, yet ive found multiple ways to get some cash, (dont worry its nothing illegal!). Im not telling my secrets but ill tell you , when you are in a bind and you have no where to turn, you quickly find resources you never knew you had. I guess it goes with the streetsmart mentality i have. I mean ive lived a bit since i was a teenager. I really should be dead (god forbid)(knock on wood) for all the situations ive put myself into , but i dont consider it just luck, im sure its an angel on my shoulder as well as the fact that i have a great gut instinct.  I follow it too. Im always two steps ahead of the game, and my mind is quick. I read people very good and i dont trust you until i have to. 
Anyway, enough bragging for now lol. gotta go clean .and prepare for a long weekend at work with barely no staff . not looking forward. 
HUGS xoxo

Its raining, its pouring,..

I feel like shit. sorry but i do, im so tired , mentally and still not over this stupid cold/bronchitis whatever it is.  Mentally exhausted b/c no longer can i live paycheck to paycheck. For some reason i cant even accomplish that. Every month im coming up negative - i get paid twice a month so its happening twice a month. Service fees, overdraft fees, and no money to spend. I dont know what is going on. This has never been my life. Never ever. Im so ashamed, Its like im going days without being able to spend money and it sucks. We all need money for dumb stuff like gas, lunches, etc anything. 
I swear i feel like throwing in the towel. But once again, it comes down to the fact that im a single mom, taking care of a family, on my salary, 2 boys, a boyfriend, 4 cats lol.  Im not changing my lifestyle for other peoples issues. Ill be damned. If i cant buy my boys clothes at Target for gods sake, something is really wrong in the world. OHH and did i tell you its been pouring out, lol. My first car the o6 which i owe only 4000 on till i own it, now cant get inspected bc it needs 1000 worth of work! I cant even afford to get it out of the shop to bring it home. Like i said, it hasnt stopped raining here , the cloud is just lingering over my house when its sunny everywhere else, maybe i should start writing poetry again! Usually good stuff comes from times of dispair lol. TTYL 
HUGS 
xoxox

The Latte Mommy: Just a few opinions of mine, take em or leave em b...

The Latte Mommy: Just a few opinions of mine, take em or leave em b...: You know besides the fact that im a nurse and know what doctors are all about, I can deal with that on a professional level. But as a patien...

Just a few opinions of mine, take em or leave em but read them!

You know besides the fact that im a nurse and know what doctors are all about, I can deal with that on a professional level. But as a patient, knowing what i do, doctors are ASSHOLES. They definitely treat you like a piece of shit, like you know nothing and you should just follow their orders and what they say is the gods truth! So i encourage everyone out there to definately research whatever problem you have and know the appropriate questions to ask before you go to the doctor. Educate yourself, for your own safety. Most doctors treat you like a number, not all, but they dont really care about you after you leave. Dont accept their answer as the only answer. Please!  
Anyway thats enough of that rant. I watched the presidential debate the other night, and i didnt know much of Mitt Romney except he was Republican , and im a Democrat. But without knowing him, his speech did make me think of him in a positive light, how he was rooting for the "middle class" etc etc. But then i found that he is pretty much an elitest. I was also really complexed how he won as govenor of Mass., a democratic state. I researched it, and it was all the promises he made and he even voted in democrats in his office! I guess hes smart. But then i looked at charts and Obama has considerably reduced unemployment rates. He has only had 4 yrs to clean up that Bush created in 8yrs. So now i feel like i know more of the truth. No offense if you are republican, its just my opinion.  I feel a little guilty b.c i didnt vote for the last election. but you can bet i will this time. I swear i used to be considered low high class according to my salary and now im high poverty to low middle class lol. Its really scary what can happen. 
Well enough for now, Ill be writing or try to write more often. I go through stages where i just cant write and i dont go on my laptop, majority of the time i do but im sorry if i dont. I encourage you all to follow me, it makes me feel good, like im not writing to myself, or even comment, i know you all must have some opinion on my writing! good or bad, but please dont be rude lol.
Hugs to all 
xoxoxox

The Latte Mommy: Fall is where my memories are

The Latte Mommy: Fall is where my memories are: I cant wait for fall/winter. I love that time of year, with the yellow/orange/red leaves on the trees and on the ground , and the crisp chil...

Fall is where my memories are

I cant wait for fall/winter. I love that time of year, with the yellow/orange/red leaves on the trees and on the ground , and the crisp chill in the air - how you can see your breath when its cold. I guess right prior to Halloween i start to feel it. There have been many a year i even tried to rush the holiday by putting out my Halloween decorations really early like Sept. lol. I think ill stick to Oct 1st this year, Thats right around the corner anyway. I dont know what we will do this year. The boys are 11 and 14 and even last year they really werent that interested in trick or treating. I made them go out with some friends of ours, it wasnt bad but it certainly wasnt the same as it used to be.
Every time i think of Halloween i think of me and mike dressing the boys up, I remember N was a clown one year, C was a transformer and when he was a baby, i dressed him up as a little duck. He looked so cute. We lived in an awesome neighborhood with a bunch of couples our age with children the same age. I mean like us and 7 other couples. It was so fun and i should have appreciated it more then but i have the memories. One of us would take the kids around the cul de sac and the other - usually me - would hand out candy at the door. ah the memories. Thinking of that, i cant believe still that mike isnt here and i get pissed at the unfairness of it all. I wish the boys remembered all those times, i guess thats what im here for! 
Anyway, i cant wait for fall. 
xoxo

The Latte Mommy: Budgeting may give me peace of mind!

The Latte Mommy: Budgeting may give me peace of mind!: Like i previously noted, money is a pain in the azz.  Im so sick and tired of not having it, having $150 in overdraft fees each month and be...

Budgeting may give me peace of mind!

Like i previously noted, money is a pain in the azz.  Im so sick and tired of not having it, having $150 in overdraft fees each month and being late with payments. Its so frustrating to have your hard earned money just gone poof. Very discouraging to say the least. So i have a plan. Dont i always lol. I barely write any checks, its all online banking and i have things that the money is just taken out every month, like my at&t bill for example. So since i dont write checks, i dont keep a checkbook. I always used to, like 15 yrs ago lol. But if i think back, i never had these problems before. So, im going to keep a ledger. I think its going to be hard, since like i said alot of things just come out of my account , ill have to really keep an eye on that. Also, i use my debit card for EVERYTHING i do. So, yeah i can keep receipts but i always throw them out. I may have like 10 in one day and 1 the next. Im scared ill miss a few but i guess if i reconcile it with my banking online i should be ok. 
I think this will make me accountable for all the money i spend, so i can say, hey ive spent alot of money at x store . I have to do this, it may well just give me the peace of mind i need, in at least one respect!  The rest of my life, hey i cant ask for it all. Wish me luck. Ill let you know how it goes. Now i just have to figure out what kind of notebook etc would be the best for this adventure of mine. Hmm.
HUGS 

The Latte Mommy: Money SUCKS!!!

The Latte Mommy: Money SUCKS!!!: I hate money, its the source of all evil. lol, really i love money, when i have it. Lately i dont know whats been going on but my money is ...

Money SUCKS!!!

I hate money, its the source of all evil. lol, really i love money, when i have it. Lately i dont know whats been going on but my money is disappearing quicker than i can get it. Its spent before my check gets direct deposited. I know i messed up my paycheck quite a few months ago, and it does take a long time, for those who dont know anything about money problems lol, it takes a long time to get it back together and catch up.  Then that leads to depression, and in my case, that is so true bc spending money is my high, it makes me so happy, and the only money ive been spending is for gas in my car, no happy dances been done at the local gas station either!! My friends at Starbucks are forgetting what i look like and my mouth is watering for my latte!! And i didnt get this way- poor- by overly spending. Its for other reasons,  i can quite say but lets just say bc my heart is bigger than my bank account lately!
 So i havent been around so much, you think id of been here to bitch more lol, but when i get depressed i tend to withdrawl from the world. Its not a good thing , I mean i have been working alot extra too , ugly hours haha, but its worth it. I have to, for my kids sake. Its a shame when their father died, he left them money but its in the hands of someone else, someone who doesnt seem to care if we have electricity or not, boy i thought that fell under the catagory of health, safety, etc. I know Mike wouldnt want this, what is gong on, no matter what the reason, he wouldnt want to see us struggling so hard, and to see the boys sad that im having a hard time, they can see it, read it in my demeanor, oh well. so i go on, the single latte mommy, doing what i have to to make it better for us - my family. 
HUGS xoxo

Where have you been??

So sorry I've been AWOL. Haha. Just not been in a blogging mode at all. Then like 2 weeks ago my laptop got all messed up. Stuck in repair mode and couldn't get into windows 7. Now I'm not a comp junkie but I know my way around - and my bf is genius in that category. Well finally I gave in after much internet research ... To be cont

Can't win

I hate the fact that when I actually take the pain meds thst pain management perscribed me , the Pain goes awar but im left zombified for hours. There is no happy medium that will satisfy I mean when I have bad Back pain I can barely function and want to cry I was supposed to have an appt with a new doc. Arthritis doc and I've been waiting forever and finally got the appt ang Ii overslept. Missed it. Im so screwed. I was thinking he'd have done new ideas for me. Damned if I do. Damned if don't !!

The Latte Mommy: Dont grow up so fast, little one.

The Latte Mommy: Dont grow up so fast, little one.: w hat to do , what to do. My 11 year old has the mind of a 30 something yr old man. He has always been ahead , its always felt like you were...

Dont grow up so fast, little one.

what to do , what to do. My 11 year old has the mind of a 30 something yr old man. He has always been ahead , its always felt like you were talking to an adult, not a child, Normal childhood games and experiences never really applied to him, and now he is realizing it. He worries so much, about money, about me, about life. Its as if he is carrying the weight of the world on his little shoulders. My boys have been through alot of different and hard things in their lives. They are good boys and im so proud of them. I know it must be partly my fault, b/c how would he be worrying about money if he hadnt heard me complain about not having any. He often feels guilty for nothing. I just want him to have more self confidence and i try to instill it. I want to take his worries away, he has his whole life to worry. ive tried getting him a therapist before, but he clams up when he gets there, he doesnt talk about that stuff, i guess i need to find someone he really can bond with. Im trying my best, but i cant fix everything, even as a parent. Guess ill be searching for a new therapist in the morning. Poor kid. so cute, 

Sick times suck !

I feel like crap. Just sick all over. I hate feeling this way. I just want it to end!! Sorry that's all I have for now , I'm hoping to go see fireworks tonight with the kids , as long as I feel a little better!!

The Latte Mommy: Where did "I"go?

The Latte Mommy: Where did "I"go?: Im wondering why my ADHD sometimes get out of control, when my meds havent changed and i thought i was on the right  path. I seem to get int...

Where did "I"go?

Im wondering why my ADHD sometimes get out of control, when my meds havent changed and i thought i was on the right  path. I seem to get into a funk that lasts a few days, i dont want to touch anything. Then comes the next days where i freak out b/c nothing is in the right place, wash isnt put away, piles of mail are sitting , so i go full force and try to fix it all, irritated all the while but pleased when i finish. So why cant i stay like that all the time, or at least 90%. Life seems to be throwing some curve balls at me but im not one to hide from that, i keep on, just go go go. Lately ive been trying to figure out what it is that im missing, i think i just devote so much of my thinking to my kids or my home or my job that i lost the woman i was. I have lost interest in alot of things i used to do. Finding happiness has become very hard and im searching high and low, but when i have a set back as above, and am inactive lol, for a few days, i lose sight of the goal and the prize. You cant really live when its half a week! I have been sad alot lately, tears now and then, which i hate to admit. Feels weak. I dont know, seems time has betrayed me, its a concept i cant put in more words than that, its a feeling i just know. I really miss Mike, more than anyone can imagine, and bc i dont talk about it much or advertise it, i dont think anyone really knows the depths of my sorrow, my soul was ripped in half and taken away. I;ll never get that back . I cant wallow in it, but its an unimaginable pain that i bear everyday, and looking at my children makes me both happy and sad. i see mike in them more every day. Bittersweet to say the least. Im going to try and find me again, i dont see another choice!

This is where I've been

Have you looked at your life where you have been, what you've accomplished , where you are now ? Does it surprise you or make you proud? I do it every now and then. When I come to certain periods in my life, like now at the age of 40. I hate sounding ungrateful , I mean I have my health , a roof over my head , 2 great children , a car and parents. But something is definitely missing. This is really no where close to where I ever thought I would be. I guess I thought I would have more of a normal life. A house, my husband and happiness. Contentment. Thats what's missing the most. I'm not settled I'm not content I'm not done. So many things I'd thought I'd be doing or I thought I'd accomplish by now. I know I'm the only one that can change my life and I'm the only one to make things happen but I guess I've become stuck , not feeling able to make my dreams come true like I used to feel. I've lost the confidence and the fight I once had in me. It's scary to think that this is it. I can't imagine that this is where I will stay. That this is the extent oft happiness. It can't be. I suppose I need to really look in myself to find the answers and find what I need to keep going. It's so hard.

The Latte Mommy: why, why and why??

The Latte Mommy: why, why and why??: There are so many things in life that i will just never understand, like how the washer and dryer can actually eat your socks and underwear,...

why, why and why??

There are so many things in life that i will just never understand, like how the washer and dryer can actually eat your socks and underwear, how when making an appt, 10am really means you have to be there at 930a or its cancelled, how so many people go on maury and steve wilkos talk shows and deny they molested or cheated, when they know they are gonna fail that lie detector test (my favorite is the trick in the green room!) for all you hard core maury fans! How is it that you can have a career in which you do so good, all good for years, yet one made up or embellished comment can ruin you in a day, how someone can say they love you and then leave you, how people can be so selfish and not use please and thankyou. I wonder why some people (the good ones) die horrible deaths and the bad people slide by. I really dont understand how people are your "friends" yet drop you on a dime, how coffee can make you crazy and me sleep. Why do some people get cancer and some dont. Why is there so much grief in life? why are we measured by our wealth?, why do basketball players make millions but paying overtime to a single mom nurse staying with her pt a little longer is a crime.Why some people lie ? HOw can someone have more than one personality in their bodies/minds. why do some people get to have out of body experiences and see the light, how can i have all this energy and you cant get off the couch. Why depression lasts so long. Is there more to life than this? is this it? is this all i should be doing?

The Latte Mommy: when did everyone become so ungrateful

The Latte Mommy: when did everyone become so ungrateful: I am in a miserable mood. Its like my ADD is in full swing. I have 100 things i want to do at once. so many great ideas, then i attempt to...

when did everyone become so ungrateful

I am in a miserable mood. Its like my ADD is in full swing. I have 100 things i want to do at once. so many great ideas, then i attempt to start one of them and i become bored, so i think ok now on to the next  and that too, becomes no fun. So im left with a few started projects and a mess. even trying to organize my stuff turns ugly.

you know i hate getting caught up in the moment of things and then you look back at it and realize, it wasnt that big of a deal. I mean my kids and our wellbeing are the most important things to me. then comes my job, etc.  So when something bad happens to me, i let it bother me wayyy too much. I try and be strong, hold back the emotions that i used to not feel. I used to be icy, my family called me "the ice princess". ahh back in the day. Now every now and then i get all mushy and i cry at reruns of Grays Anatomy. and daydream of babies and little girls with pink bows in their hair. I love my boys!! So now sometimes the emotions sneak through and its so not worth it. People dont need to see me cry or sweat. because "this too shall pass"  . Anyway its hard to recover and put your pride back on. but after all, i know im a good nurse, i know im a good person, i dont need to feel small b/c of a few little things, that in the scheme of saving life, really have nothing to do with it, and its a shame people dont realize that anymore. Ungrateful!
enough bitching!! hey AT LEAST I HAVE A JOB, RIGHT? LOL

Well I'm not happy. I'm supposed to be in shopping bliss ugh. I'm at TJ maxx and all I had was a gift card and a check. Someone else had my visa check card. So I pay with my gift card and then they go to put my check through and their STUPID card reader won't read my check bc it's on recycled paper or something stupid. Wait aren't we supposed to be green and they should be up on this with recycled anything. Do anyway everything was all bagged up. I had yo than leave and go to the bank - luckily it was close by. And withdraw money. Now I'm back at TJ maxx and they ate re ringing everything again.
IM SO PISSED. This happened before where I needed my check card and someone else had it on them.
Lesson learned. GIVE ME MY CARD.

The Latte Mommy: No time for pain.

The Latte Mommy: No time for pain.: I just went shopping , finally got some money and went food shopping and for other bathroom, kitchin stuff. Ah i loved it. THere were a few ...

No time for pain.

I just went shopping , finally got some money and went food shopping and for other bathroom, kitchin stuff. Ah i loved it. THere were a few things i was going to get, had my hands on them ` going in the cart when .. i thought for a minute, Im getting paid tomorrow and i still need to pay some overdue bills so id better wait, pay the bills and then use extra to buy stuff for ME . A few things like , well who knows, i may even change my mind by tomorrow so its better i waited. A cure for my impulsiveness, thinking of no electricity haha
So the boys helped me bring in the 100 bags, they always give you so many bags at Target. I put the cold stuff away, now have everything else still. My back is killing me, only had my injections 12 days ago and im in pain, im gonna try and call her tomorrow, she told me to if it acted up. Sometimes all the pain medecine in the world wont help this back pain. Its such a different pain . And i still have to put alot away, finish wash, vaccum, kitty litter, dishwasher and dishes and then work 2 12's this weekend in ICU. Im screwed, if you cant tell. When my back hurts like this, im miserable. i wanna cry , well i do sometimes. like right now, im thinking and im hurting and im tearing up. Im on the couch watching the end of Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion and drinking my Starbucks Frappachino plugging in my heating pad. The rest will wait, its not going anywhere tonight and neither am i. Its a shame i dont have any help , isnt it???? Well hey, im not letting this ruin my
shopping high. lol

Unspoken words

It's funny how people treat you a certain way. Not holding back or anything and you even tell them that you are feeling a certain way , but then when it's all out in the open it's words written or it's meaner more straight forward words written - they suddenly take offense. Wtf. Now all of a sudden it's real , like it meant nothing before. There is only so much a person can take. So now what. Well ivguessvtjry can either take offense and not face the music. If we ignore it surely it will go back to normal won't it ??
It always does. Nothing really ever changes. I don't know why tho. Just a few simple words, an I'm sorry or I'll try but stubbornness remains strong and words go unspoken.

When you fall out of like

It's hard enough to stay in love these days but what the heck do you do when you stop liking the person you are supposed to share your life with. When you don't want to tell them your secrets your fears or your joys. When any conversation turns into a debate. You can only survive that relationship so long. It's very sad to be with someone and start to realize Thad you are both on different planets. Not much to talk about that you have in commen and then if so its always a war of the words bc you can't just have an opinion or actually know what you are talking about. There is no more meaningful conversations. Then what. ? Can you just live like this. Keep to yourself when it comes to deep thoughts. I don't really know about ther

The Latte Mommy: Supermom and the guilt.

The Latte Mommy: Supermom and the guilt.: You know i totally buy into this supermom/superwoman model that the world today has set up for us. I also am realizing the guilt that comes ...

Supermom and the guilt.

You know i totally buy into this supermom/superwoman model that the world today has set up for us. I also am realizing the guilt that comes along with it. I remember my mother in law said to me, not so long ago, "Oh i remember you used to dress Nicholas so nice, he always looked so cute "etc. Now Nicholas is 13yrs old, and when i had him i was 27yrs old, just married and he was our first baby. OF COURSE he looked cute. See the way it was said was that he USED to look like that, and I USED to be on top of everything and in control. Now im apparently not. I guess she doesnt notice the Abercrombie and Fitch clothes that both my boys wear or their Gap jeans, calvin klien underwear. Im in control now and they looked damned cute.  I bust my ass so they do. It just felt like a dig and i dont think im being over sensitive. 
It seems today that our world has created this supermom model that we are supposed to ( and even as a single mother) have it all under control, or at least look the part. I think i need to practice on looking the part. I work, part time, every weekend, we have 2 cars, they go to a private school.,  we have food, breakfast lunch and dinner, and many more things. At times im so proud of myself for doing it alone. But then i see where i may falter in one area, so my desk area is a total mess, or i cant find my keys for 20min at a time, those boys get on the bus on time every morning. I look and read magazine articles, "how do you do it?" for todays moms, how do they? i mean , it gets done but im a mess inside. Im always feeling guilty that i didnt spend enough time with them , quality time, or that im setting a bad example when i say the F word (only now and then) or when i let them stay up late. Am i a bad mom? I feel like i am, alot. And its because of this "supermom" model that is out there, im 40 and somewhat successful, what is it going to make our teenagers strive for, and when they cant fulfill it, do they write a blog? or shove a pillow over their babies screaming mouth, you get the gist?
So, im gonna try and let go of the guilt, bc what good is it? The ones that should feel guilty for being bad moms, dont even know they are! My kids are great, i love them, and take care of them, and they know it. when i kiss their little noses at night, they know it..

The Latte Mommy: Onward and Upward

The Latte Mommy: Onward and Upward: Guess ill post since im on a roll lately. I got some money, and finally went food shopping. Feels good to have food and napkins lol. And som...

Onward and Upward

Guess ill post since im on a roll lately. I got some money, and finally went food shopping. Feels good to have food and napkins lol. And something to drink besides water and milk. I brought my calculator and chris was in charge of keeping track of our spending. We did good i thought. I wanted to buy a million other things but i didnt . i held back and put them on a list. I didnt get my usual "high" from shopping tho. I felt good but not as good, bc i didnt get to buy anything for myself ,well i bought 2 pens, that was nice. lol  The $ situation will get better, it just a while to come back after you 've totally screwed up your budgeting.  
So i think im gonna begin studying for the CCRN. an advanced test for critical care nurses. Its a hard test ive heard, i have been wanting to do this for a long time. I have a study guide.and ive worked in critical care for 15yrs so i should be ok. Ive gotta do something , i feel very stagnet right now. I dont feel like i have much of a purpose right now. I mean, besides raising my children, which is very important, ive got nothing going on. And i think in order to be a good parent and be happy i have to keep myself fulfilled.  its not easy and turning 40 was a bummer and again made me look at my life. I keep thinking this cant be all there is. What is it all for.I lost my husband, my best friend, almost coming up on 2 yrs ago. Time flies, but what have i accomplished in that time- not much at all. ive just managed to survive. I thought by now, id be somewhere else. I need to push myself if i want results tho. I can be so much more than i am right now. I have to be. I cant continue to live like this. So onward and upward. xoxo

The Latte Mommy: The saga continues

The Latte Mommy: The saga continues: I love reading comments on blogs, i try and leave one when i read, just to let the blogger know, im interested, i can relate, and i like to ...

The saga continues

I love reading comments on blogs, i try and leave one when i read, just to let the blogger know, im interested, i can relate, and i like to read your writing. Its definately a motivation to keep blogging. I mean, for instance, someone writes a book, and its not on the best seller list b/c no one comments on it, even if its great, no one knows. Makes it easy to give up, why would they write a sequel if they didnt know anyone liked the first. Just a thought. 
I had applied to university to further my nursing career, rn to bsn program. And i got accepted. I was to start in fall 2012. I applied last xmas time. now im having issues, with the ignorant nurse lady in charge. shes just ignorant. So i dont think im going to West Chester university anymore. Id rather do an online thing anyhow.
I found this website, where it tells you what twitter people unfollow you, mention you, etc. So im unfollowing all the ignorant people who dont want to read my tweets anymore. guess i bore some of them. hahah. Yeah im like that, im one of those people who have to get you back to feel better when i feel hurt. I guess it can seem childish, im not even like that all the time. I just think that when i get my feelings hurt, - i wanna make that person feel shitty, i know im like ten years old right. lol oh well, its one of my bad things, dont have that many . 
I dont know why men dont understand directions, i mean just little life things, not building a city or acing a physics test. when you tell your man you need more , more words, more i love yous, more you are great hun, anything, i mean i feel loved in other ways but that is lacking and i really respond to that. So when i tell him, straight up, almost exactly what to say, for years lol, and he doesnt do it, why is he suprised that im not extra lovable all the time. I need it and hes gotta learn the hard way. 
Anyhow im going for now. going to see how i can suddenly come up with alot of money in a short period of time lol- yeah right.

The Latte Mommy: Theres a hurricaine forecasted!

The Latte Mommy: Theres a hurricaine forecasted!: w hat else can go wrong? When it rains it pours, hmm what other little sayings are there for "Im screwed , again"  It just makes me want to ...

The Latte Mommy: Theres a hurricaine forecasted!

The Latte Mommy: Theres a hurricaine forecasted!: w hat else can go wrong? When it rains it pours, hmm what other little sayings are there for "Im screwed , again"  It just makes me want to ...

Theres a hurricaine forecasted!

what else can go wrong? When it rains it pours, hmm what other little sayings are there for "Im screwed , again"  It just makes me want to go crawl under a rock. Its my own fault, i f'd it up, big time. You know when your friends are like, "im so broke, i have no money" and you know they are exaggerating, and they are fine, well, im not one of those people. I am broke. not a dime. Lets just say, i paid the rent on Friday for $xy and the check didn't clear yet. I checked my online acct today, now i knew i didn't have alot of money but i just checked it and it has $xy- xyz. Get it? Yeah right, im in the negative, in the red ($xyz).. So, if you can add, subtract, blah blah, you'll now realize that the rent check wont clear, well it will clear, but i will also pay a nice $105.oo overdraft fee to my f'd up bank. Yeah and then i have nothing left and i just got paid Friday, not to be paid again for 2 weeks. Hmm , ok. now what, what ingenious idea can i come up with this time. I already did this last pay, and its worse before it gets better. Like i said, my fault. i forgot to put my vacation time in when i was off, and my manager oh so friendly like, didn't care to notice that i was getting paid for 8 of the 48hours per pay that i work. What does she think im Trump and don't need to be paid. Its not her job but really, thanks! 

So as i sit here and cry (sorry, but i cant help it)  Then of course i go into to the "why me, why cant i be taken care of? Why wasn't i taken care of when i was left alone to raise 2 boys alone, did i say alone?  Was i really dismissed, , turned away, untrusted  or overlooked that easily. It would seem i would be a priority being im alone with the boys. im so tired of trying, of fighting , of figuring out all of life's problems.  I just want to be happy, or content, something other than i am, but like i said, when it rains it pours and its a hurricane out there. I just need some shelter, or even an umbrella.

The Latte Mommy: Keep going, on my own!

The Latte Mommy: Keep going, on my own!: I will say one thing about nursing,as a profession it totally gives you a real live view of life. Ive seen over the last 16 yrs ive been a n...

Keep going, on my own!

I will say one thing about nursing,as a profession it totally gives you a real live view of life. Ive seen over the last 16 yrs ive been a nurse so many many things. Too many. Ive taken care of the sickest people and seen how quickly things can change , in the blink of an eye. So many people dont know what to expect , families, and to tell you the truth, no one knows until you have to do it. Thats why its so great when we are appreciated for our work, both physically and emotionally. The burden some of us carry, when we leave our work, is alot to handle. Ive learned to keep it at work, i have to. Its very hard but as long as you can keep it seperate, to a degree, its doable. 
anyway on the home front, its the same, i still feel very overwhelmed with all life has to give me. Its so hard being just me, in charge of everything, everyone. People dont realize it, how overwhelming it can be. Thats why its nice to stick together. ive recently met a few good people, who know, like me that its great to have good friends stay close, in good and bad times. In the short time of meeting them, they have proven to be real friends, knowing when im down, a short talk on the phone, or a meet for coffee is all , it makes the world of difference. Having someone to just vent to, and listen to is a good feeling. We just help each other, since we are going through similar things in life.
I have lots to do, bills to pay, appointments to make,= as usual. life goes on....
HUGS

The Latte Mommy: Just another day!

The Latte Mommy: Just another day!: We ll its been forever since ive blogged, i guess i got lazy with it, didnt have too much good news to write and didnt want to be a downer. ...

Just another day!

Well its been forever since ive blogged, i guess i got lazy with it, didnt have too much good news to write and didnt want to be a downer. Not too much is new. Same old shit, different day. Im still trying to cope with this ADD, seems to get worse whenever it wants. As far as organization etc. I have bought so many organizational tools its out of control. Impulsive shopping to say the least. I certainly dont need it all, and then i go and give stuff away to people, but they dont mind!! Ive been slacking on my promptness with getting up and getting the kids to the bus on time. Im setting that straight from today on, thats so important. Spring break is next week so i have a break then anyhow.
As far as my social life goes, what social life? lol. Whatever i had of one is gone. No one to share alot of stuff in my life with, gfs at least. Oh well what am i gonna do, just deal, i been doing that at least. i think thats why i been down tho. Boredom. And when money is tight, which it has been b/c my pay was screwed up( my fault) b/c i forgot to put in for days i took off, didnt use any vac time bc i forgot so i didnt get paid DUH. So no shopping and just stress and worry for the past 2 weeks. I hate feeling so stressed with money. Thats when i feel the most alone, when i realize its just me, im the only one responsible for our life and our well being.
So many appts to make, things to follow up on. another stupid parking ticket- in my own development. Bc there isnt enough parking we have to park in an illegal spot sometimes and now they have the nerve that the admin calls the police to come ticket us. What bullshit. 70 dollars, and if i dont pay in 5 days it becomes 130, and you know i cant make it be done in 5 days, not me lol. Shopping is just a short term happiness but i love it. Calls to make, and i hate talking on phone. if i can do it online, its done. talking just sucks. So hopefully ill have more fun things to discuss. ill try.
HUGS xoxo

The Latte Mommy: Please read, for everyone who needs their job!!

The Latte Mommy: Please read, for everyone who needs their job!!: This is a very good article that everyone should read and take very seriously, its why many nurses are burnt out, and why many pts dont rec...

Please read, for everyone who needs their job!!

 This is a very good article that everyone should read and take very seriously, its why many nurses are burnt out, and why many pts dont receive the education they should. Help this nurse and write for her.

http://thenerdynurse.com/2012/01/arizona-nurse-has-license-threatened-by-doctor-after-providing-patient-education.html

The Latte Mommy: Lets try this again!

The Latte Mommy: Lets try this again!: Hi everyone, lets try this again, with no rude comments please! As i stated before, if you dont like it, dont read it. And for sure, dont co...

Lets try this again!

Hi everyone, lets try this again, with no rude comments please! As i stated before, if you dont like it, dont read it. And for sure, dont comment when you have no clue what you are talking about. So there, starting fresh.
Well it really snowed, not alot but alot for SE pa. We rarely see snow anymore. Its that global warming , so they say. I miss the old winters, going out to play in the snow, careless days. But it is pretty. I didnt even touch my car yet. I guess i should before i try and drive it. Maybe some nice soul dusted it off for me, doubt it haha. You know its been very hard trying to get my body back on a regular schedule. It still wants to be up at night, and sleep during the day. And the sleep i get during the day is wonderful, just as good as any nighttime sleep. Ive tried everything. I mean i do it, obviuosly but my body always wants a nap and then im up at night. I gotta work harder to change it, i dont mind it all that much but i want to be alive when everyone else is. 
Ive always had issues where im just exhausted, so tired from nothing. Like a weight is holding me down and i CANT possibly do anything , normal stuff. My bloodwork has never been bad, although i havent had any in like 10 yrs lol, but ive always been this way. Then when i get energy i use it like crazy, all at once. i never can figure out why i get so drained from nothing. I do think that the longer i sleep the worse i am, but i always thought my body must need it if i sleep that much. Who knows. But it stinks. its hard to describe the tiredness i get.  My brain is ready to go, my body cant cooperate. Im thinking i should start reg exercising again. I do here and there but nothing regular. Besides being good for me, i hear it does bring up your energy level. A body in motion stays in motion! So i better get moving lol. 
xoxo T.

The Latte Mommy: Im gonna be changing it up a bit!

The Latte Mommy: Im gonna be changing it up a bit!: what losers are there out there, that all they have to do is sit in their MOMMAs basement- or should i say, kitchin table (haha) and judge m...

Im gonna be changing it up a bit!

what losers are there out there, that all they have to do is sit in their MOMMAs basement- or should i say, kitchin table (haha) and judge me. If you dont like me or what i write, dont read it. Dont you have a job to be at! Im over here, voicing my opinions so that people may enjoy reading my blog. And plenty do. So if you want to sit there and call us :losers: , if that makes you feel better, whatever.
You know its losers like this that make me feel like, why do i even do this. In fact, i think ill be changing up this blog, like some friends of mine had to. Private invite only, so losers like you dont come and talk big shit behind your screen. i love my ip addy lookup too!! hahah
xoxo T.

The Latte Mommy: Cyber buddies- loyal to the end.

The Latte Mommy: Cyber buddies- loyal to the end.: Ive found that people who you dont even really know , like the ones you may meet online- in a sup.port group, or on a forum where you are bo...

Cyber buddies- loyal to the end.

Ive found that people who you dont even really know , like the ones you may meet online- in a sup.port group, or on a forum where you are both looking for the same answers, sharing the same grief, etc, can be some of the best friends you will meet.  They rarely judge you and pretty much are always there for you, even to just listen for a few minutes while you vent. It may sound silly to people , most of whom have never experienced this type of friendship before.
Ive met so many different kinds of people like this and usually end up being pretty good friends. Because in the world today, people pretty much have their own agenda. Whatever is important or going on in their life at that time occupies them and they have no room for anyone else, let alone their little whines here and there. Shut themselves off to the ones that care about them the most. Not even thinking that when the worst may be over, will they still be there ?  Now the people you meet online, well you went looking for each other, b/c instead of shutting out the world , you wanted to share your grief, share your quest for answers, and just be some company .
We are all soooo busy in life, but how busy can we be that we cant pick up the phone, say hi, send a text - nothing extravagant, just simple. Its nice to know that there are people out there, they dont care what you look like, what your house looks like, what car you drive, etc. They friend you on a level that many of us cant comprehend. Though they may be cyberfriends., living halfway round the world in another time zone,  Ive found they are more loyal than the ones that live down the street.