Friday, April 13, 2012

Supermom and the guilt.

You know i totally buy into this supermom/superwoman model that the world today has set up for us. I also am realizing the guilt that comes along with it. I remember my mother in law said to me, not so long ago, "Oh i remember you used to dress Nicholas so nice, he always looked so cute "etc. Now Nicholas is 13yrs old, and when i had him i was 27yrs old, just married and he was our first baby. OF COURSE he looked cute. See the way it was said was that he USED to look like that, and I USED to be on top of everything and in control. Now im apparently not. I guess she doesnt notice the Abercrombie and Fitch clothes that both my boys wear or their Gap jeans, calvin klien underwear. Im in control now and they looked damned cute.  I bust my ass so they do. It just felt like a dig and i dont think im being over sensitive. 
It seems today that our world has created this supermom model that we are supposed to ( and even as a single mother) have it all under control, or at least look the part. I think i need to practice on looking the part. I work, part time, every weekend, we have 2 cars, they go to a private school.,  we have food, breakfast lunch and dinner, and many more things. At times im so proud of myself for doing it alone. But then i see where i may falter in one area, so my desk area is a total mess, or i cant find my keys for 20min at a time, those boys get on the bus on time every morning. I look and read magazine articles, "how do you do it?" for todays moms, how do they? i mean , it gets done but im a mess inside. Im always feeling guilty that i didnt spend enough time with them , quality time, or that im setting a bad example when i say the F word (only now and then) or when i let them stay up late. Am i a bad mom? I feel like i am, alot. And its because of this "supermom" model that is out there, im 40 and somewhat successful, what is it going to make our teenagers strive for, and when they cant fulfill it, do they write a blog? or shove a pillow over their babies screaming mouth, you get the gist?
So, im gonna try and let go of the guilt, bc what good is it? The ones that should feel guilty for being bad moms, dont even know they are! My kids are great, i love them, and take care of them, and they know it. when i kiss their little noses at night, they know it..