Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The Latte Mommy: Losing again and again

The Latte Mommy: Losing again and again: If you cant trust your mate/significant other with your most inner fears and thoughts without fear of being laughed at or told you are being...

Losing again and again

If you cant trust your mate/significant other with your most inner fears and thoughts without fear of being laughed at or told you are being silly, then who can you tell? I think i know the answer, a stranger! Or even someone you dont know all that well. Sometimes all you need is someone to listen, or say" yeah, it may be a silly thought but hey, you are doing the best job you can, alone" or " i may not agree with you, but as your bf, im on your side,whatever you need, im here". Since when did those words become soooo difficult to find and say to your loved one. Maybe i dont necessarily even want your opinion, b/c i dont need it, its irrelevant , but being ignorant is beyond me. 
I guess thats why ive become one of those people that keep my private stuff private, lol besides here! I dont post on facebook, tell gossip, open my heart like i used to b/c ive learned it will very easily get stepped on, used against you etc. I guess i learned my lesson again, the hard way. Keep all my worries, my fears, my highs and my lows to myself, bc they arent appreciated, they are either ignored or made fun of. 
Thats fine, i can do that, but it  poses the question again , how can you have any type of long lasting or meaningful relationship if you keep losing trust over and over, only in a different way each time. Promises mean nothing without action. 
xoxox 

Thursday, February 21, 2013

The Latte Mommy: My mind wont let me be

The Latte Mommy: My mind wont let me be: I ha te feeling this overwhelmed, and its nothing special, i dont have a deadline or a test or a paper due, no its just the fact that i hav...

My mind wont let me be

I hate feeling this overwhelmed, and its nothing special, i dont have a deadline or a test or a paper due, no its just the fact that i have alot to do around the house, alot of paperwork, emails, things like that. And when i actually feel good and want to do things, i get anxious bc i get stuck. I sit here and think of all i can do, all i have to do, then it comes time to do it and i think oh id rather do this instead, back and forth my mind goes. So then i play bejeweled, and watch project runway.  Like im in mud, cant move. There is no reason besides myself stopping myself from getting shit done. I dont know how to stop this bullshit, its like you want to say " just get going, and do it"  Simply not that easy esp with ADHD and my mania.  There are times i get a good feeling and i get alot done but today i dont know why its just going in circles and im getting nothing done. Its just wasted time. I know it doesnt seem like a big deal, but this is what my mind does to me all the time, and its tiring.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

The Latte Mommy: ADHD truths

The Latte Mommy: ADHD truths: I am exhausted, long weekend at work, not bad though. Ive really been slacking on all the shit i have to do. So much paperwork , bills to go...

ADHD truths

I am exhausted, long weekend at work, not bad though. Ive really been slacking on all the shit i have to do. So much paperwork , bills to go through. The usual. It never seems to get any easier. Im the best planner out there, but when it comes to execution and follow through its sad. I was reading an interesting article about how many women can escape the diagnosis of ADHD up until adulthood because they were able to fight it , overcome it, find ways around it, up until it was time to add managing a family, kids, finances for the family, ex- everything in life lol. Then it all falls apart. That is so the truth. I always wondered how i got A's and was sooo organized etc etc my whole life and now i miss paying the electric bill too many months in a row etc. Then i look back and remember all the color coded highlighting i did and all the index cards i created for studying and how i love stickers, and glitter and shiny things. I really did overcome it. Makes me pissed off bc i know my capabilities and yet, get stuck so often in this rut. 
Gotta keep on trying i guess. Night
xoxox

Friday, February 15, 2013

I'm out

I'm tired of being disrespected. There are so many little things and then there is the big things. And how rude to do these things when it's your third fourth , fifth chance ! Whispering on the phone is so obvious , but I guess doing things while I'm right in the room isn't that big of a deal now is it lol.
Things were supposed to change. No secret conversations , no passwords , no facebook etc. nothing ever changes longer than a few days. U know , when u think its all better bc of a few love words and promises that will be broken again and again. Trust no one again. Might as well talk out loud in front of me to her. No secrets ? Hmmm yeah right. I'm out. Whether its known or not , I'm out of this ridiculous attempt , once again.

I'm out

I'm tired of being disrespected. There are so many little things and then there is the big things. And how rude to do these things when it's your third fourth , fifth chance ! Whispering on the phone is so obvious , but I guess doing things while I'm right in the room isn't that big of a deal now is it lol.
Things were supposed to change. No secret conversations , no passwords , no facebook etc. nothing ever changes longer than a few days. U know , when u think its all better bc of a few love words and promises that will be broken again and again. Trust no one again. Might as well talk out loud in front of me to her. No secrets ? Hmmm yeah right. I'm out. Whether its known or not , I'm out of this ridiculous attempt , once again.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I'm just going to have to distance myself now. Figure this out alone. I'm still alone anyhow , maybe not in person but def in spirit and mind. So funny how quick things change when people think they got what they wanted Not.
I'm beginning to get a feeling in my gut. Like something isn't right. I'd say when I get these feelings I'm 95% right. I really hope I'm wrong !

The Latte Mommy: please dont break my heart.

The Latte Mommy: please dont break my heart.: I'm scared I'm making a mistake. I'm scared that besides being too trusting, that I'm being really naive and look stupid. Usually , really a...

please dont break my heart.

I'm scared I'm making a mistake. I'm scared that besides being too trusting, that I'm being really naive and look stupid. Usually , really all of the time I could care less what people think of me. I trust my gut instincts and my mind but for some reason I don't want to look like a fool. I'm following my heart and not necessarily my head right now and that scares me but the only way I can explain it is - we are really guaranteed nothing in life , certainly not even tomorrow , so why not follow my heart today ? Please don't break it again.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

The Latte Mommy: Does a tiger change their stripes??

The Latte Mommy: Does a tiger change their stripes??: How are you supposed to know someone is telling the truth? How do you know they've changed? Because they say so ? I wish it were that easy....

Does a tiger change their stripes??

How are you supposed to know someone is telling the truth? How do you know they've changed? Because they say so ? I wish it were that easy. You would think that if you were given a second /third / fourth chance you would surely see and feel the change. Or is it only when the chase is there that its all or nothing. I really don't see how someone sleeping gives the other carte Blanche to find the attention elsewhere. Online , where else.
Who was it that told me a tiger never changes his stripes , right ?

Saturday, February 2, 2013

The Latte Mommy: Truth be told, or not!

The Latte Mommy: Truth be told, or not!: Its so easy to give directions /advice/ instructions when you are looking at it from the outside in. When you dont have to be the one to do ...

Truth be told, or not!

Its so easy to give directions /advice/ instructions when you are looking at it from the outside in. When you dont have to be the one to do it consistently. And then again, we all have different styles of getting things done.  I hate to be the one who is inside the box, being looked at,because i can see it almost as clearly as if i were looking at it straight on.
So all is well, on the outside, but really the are as good as they were before,. You know now exactly what u knew then. It all seemed ok, But now really, how does a tiger change its stripes, and so god damned fast and matter of factually, If that was the case, why didn't  mind over matter prevail before? Really is there now someone  to say, "its not happening again". How many times do u believe the promises? One last time, right. Its always one last time. How stupid do we sound, "but this time, if i find out anything, its over" LMAO. how stupid. Looking in it sounds ridiculous and guess what, looking out it feels the exact same way.
Then again, there is the non existential (sp) side of it. Like who cares, we could all die tomorrow, no harm, no foul. Words are words, actions are just that. It is so hard to determine what exactly is so important. Or is any of it? Live life, but while looking over our shoulder? waiting for the other shoe to drop, finding clues. I dont think that is it.  It really boils down to the feeling of being taken for a fool, taken for granted, pushed aside. And then, POW, isnt the saying "you don't know what u got until its gone" a winner. And then it becomes the same old cliche, once you get it, the thrill of the chase is over. So sad we can pre-determine the path so easily. I suppose because in all reality, the more things change, the more they truly do stay the same. 
HUGS. 
T.