Losing again and again

If you cant trust your mate/significant other with your most inner fears and thoughts without fear of being laughed at or told you are being silly, then who can you tell? I think i know the answer, a stranger! Or even someone you dont know all that well. Sometimes all you need is someone to listen, or say" yeah, it may be a silly thought but hey, you are doing the best job you can, alone" or " i may not agree with you, but as your bf, im on your side,whatever you need, im here". Since when did those words become soooo difficult to find and say to your loved one. Maybe i dont necessarily even want your opinion, b/c i dont need it, its irrelevant , but being ignorant is beyond me. 
I guess thats why ive become one of those people that keep my private stuff private, lol besides here! I dont post on facebook, tell gossip, open my heart like i used to b/c ive learned it will very easily get stepped on, used against you etc. I guess i learned my lesson again, the hard way. Keep all my worries, my fears, my highs and my lows to myself, bc they arent appreciated, they are either ignored or made fun of. 
Thats fine, i can do that, but it  poses the question again , how can you have any type of long lasting or meaningful relationship if you keep losing trust over and over, only in a different way each time. Promises mean nothing without action. 
xoxox 

Stuck between a rock and a shady person...

Well this is a strange thing, 2 blogs in 24hours lol.  The reason im blogging now is b/c im thinking of something and ill forget about it later. I really hate depending on people, asking for help, not doing it all myself. I hate it more than you can imagine. I've always been this way. Stubborn, perfectionist, u get the drift! I think its helped me to achieve the success that ive had thus far. Able to survive as a single woman /mother and raise 2 boys by myself. - and we do pretty well i may say. Ive worked since i was 16 and ive always taken care of myself. And i really do believe its the Aries in me lol.
So, since the boys dad passed away, weekends are yucky. I work every weekend 2 twelve hour shifts, and they would always be home with dad. That way i was home all week with the boys and made full time money and benefits. So, now that he is gone, i became shit out of luck on the weekends. Really its Friday night to Sunday night. Seems like forever too!  My brother in law watches them for me at his place, very close by. And they love it there, with their cousins and they feel like he is a second dad. I hate it though that i have to bring them there every weekend , i miss them alot. Im home alone all weekend, well me and the cats lol. they are like little kids ya know! So i hate the fact i have to do this. I mean im lucky they like to go but it just seems unfair . So for awhile another family member was coming over to stay on the weekends, that way the boys didnt have to leave their home every weekend. I would come home to my boys and it was nice - to a point. That family member , well , can be shady at times. I cant really go into it, but trust me, shady , yes. So it was like, which is better? Neither. I figure in a few years, they can stay alone, and by then maybe ill have won the lotto and became independently wealthy!
Anyway, this shady person gets on my nerves, always asking me for things, things that are mine and i need, but so do they and apparently its more important for them than for me. So i think that one of the reasons they dont mind coming is also b/c they can get what they need. And it pisses me off. So either way im screwed.  I think that was gonna be the case this weekend, and the boys said they wanted to go to BILs house. I was glad, i like it when they want to go, i dont feel guilty. I got to text shady last night, at that point i didnt know what the boys wanted to do, so i asked what shady had planned this weekend, No reply, hmm i think they were pissed at me, for not giving in to them earlier in the week. So fine, today i just texted, dont worry about it, boys WANT to go to BILs. HAHAH. Cant wait for shady to see. That will annoy them. And now they cant get/steal what they want from me either. Sometimes, it works out. i suppose.
One day, my big dream is to not have to work at all, to have a nice big house with a maid, a cook, separate wings, etc. Only problem is, i need to be young enough to enjoy it lol.
I better hurry up. LATER.

The Ultimate Betrayal

I feel so stupid, once again ive been betrayed and i feel like i led to horse to water. A very close family member has done this before but ive forgiven and started to trust again, i mean i give this person whatever they ask for basically. So why steal it? I guess its because they wanted it and it was easier to take it while i was sleeping, i mean my pocketbook was right next to me as i slept. It was so easy, easier than asking and getting a sermon about it, right? sure but now the trust is totally destroyed, im so hurt, besides angry. This has left me now short of what i need, im the one who is really suffering. and what can i do, cant get it back, its gone. Was i really that stupid to leave things out in the open like that, i dont think so, but i guess i should have known better. I mean, if you cant trust family, who can you trust. I did confront this person and got a halfway admittance. Who cares its done. Im just pissed that im the one suffering now, i dont have what I NEED. I feel some hate,, but i dont want to hate, im trying not to.
Ive just had so many shitty things go on in the past year, and so many people betray me, people that were supposed to love and take care of me. Am i that easy of a target. I dont know how to act different than i do. Im just so tired of it all, tired of trying, trusting, giving, helping, etc.No more. i have such a headache right now. Thanks for hearing me vent.!
HUGS