You cant make someone change

I'M getting really tired of all this bullshit , it's just so much anymore, i don't understand why the sun just won't shine over me. \Sure i've made some shitty decisions but i think i've made up for most of it. \i've tried at least.  
I would love to understand how people think its ok to give ultimatums when it comes to friends just because they feel threatened by them.. That's all it is, because if they were secure, and trusted their partner they would let them have all the friends in the world, guy girl, blue black purple. who cares. But no,ht  when they want you all to themselves  you know its a problem. its scary. where  is my choice , why isn't it up to me whom i befriend. 
You know, you go through life and meet a bunch of people, a lot come and go, rarely do any stay. You may find one , maybe one, that is honest, trustworthy and just an overall good person, and you are supposed to let them slip away because someone else is jealous or does not share your thoughts, yeah. I'm so over this , in the midst of all this inner turmoil i now have to deal with this. Why is it always something, why is it so hard, it's  not supposed to be hard. and your loved ones should see this and not pressure you and in the end try and make you make a decision on their terms, one they may regret. But let them go ahead and try and make your life miserable, only thing is, i've learned no can make me miserable but myself and those i let do it to me. And i'm not.
Enough for now\
Luv T. 

You cant get blood from a stone, or can you?

Ill tell you, if its not raining then its f*cking pouring, excuse my French. I thought by now this black cloud that is hovering over me would be gone. Ive suffered enough and had enough bad "karma" for all of us and then some. I seriously don't know why, im not a bad person, actually i think im too kind and giving sometimes.  Id say for the past 4 years or so, its just been one thing after another, never letting up. Every time something remotely good happens, im sure its gonna be sunny. WRONG and WRONG again. Its sad because all of this turmoil and discord in my life is basically due to the closest ones to me. I keep getting stung by the same bee. Even as I keep my distance thinking that's the answer, they sneak up on me.  I am glad now tho because my boys are 12 and 15 now and they are all I have. We are all each other has as far as "Family" and blood.  They are old enough now to see the shit that goes on, old enough to know its not me, im not the instigator, i don't meddle in peoples lives, DEEP in their lives just because they have a stick up their ass. LOL. I'm sure my grandparents , and my aunt , are up in heaven looking down and saying "Welcome to our lives, told you it was shitty" LMAO. I miss them so much. I have a ton to do, and i mean a ton, and somehow come up with enough money to pay my rent and electric before i get booted or in the dark! Cant get blood from a stone, but im gonna try!!
HUGS 
xoxo T.

The Ultimate Betrayal

I feel so stupid, once again ive been betrayed and i feel like i led to horse to water. A very close family member has done this before but ive forgiven and started to trust again, i mean i give this person whatever they ask for basically. So why steal it? I guess its because they wanted it and it was easier to take it while i was sleeping, i mean my pocketbook was right next to me as i slept. It was so easy, easier than asking and getting a sermon about it, right? sure but now the trust is totally destroyed, im so hurt, besides angry. This has left me now short of what i need, im the one who is really suffering. and what can i do, cant get it back, its gone. Was i really that stupid to leave things out in the open like that, i dont think so, but i guess i should have known better. I mean, if you cant trust family, who can you trust. I did confront this person and got a halfway admittance. Who cares its done. Im just pissed that im the one suffering now, i dont have what I NEED. I feel some hate,, but i dont want to hate, im trying not to.
Ive just had so many shitty things go on in the past year, and so many people betray me, people that were supposed to love and take care of me. Am i that easy of a target. I dont know how to act different than i do. Im just so tired of it all, tired of trying, trusting, giving, helping, etc.No more. i have such a headache right now. Thanks for hearing me vent.!
HUGS