Monday, November 25, 2013

How do I explain ?

I don't understand wtf I'm doing so wrong in life that this stupid black cloud won't go away. I mean yea I'm no angel but I'm generally a good person. I take care of my kids and those close to me that need it as well. I do good deeds. I don't think Ill of people unless they totally screwed me over and unfortunately it's those the closest that have hurt me the most. Or an ex coworker or two that basically didn't care to think about it before they contributed to a major downfall in mine and my children's lives. At least I didn't think so. Anyway I'm really hanging by a thread here in so msny ways but I have to keep up that smile and pretend everything isn't falling apart as I try and explain how life sucks to my boys as gentally as I possibly can !!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

The Latte Mommy: Karma sucks

The Latte Mommy: Karma sucks: I'm still waiting for the black cloud to lift. I think it might be gray now but definitely not sunny yet. I'm already a good person ...

Monday, November 18, 2013

Karma sucks

I'm still waiting for the black cloud to lift. I think it might be gray now but definitely not sunny yet. I'm already a good person so it's not like I can change and karma will suddenly take place. There is always room for improvement I know so I'll continue to do good deeds and hopefully the karma owed me ( should be a new house lol) will come true !!

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

The Latte Mommy: You cant get blood from a stone, or can you?

The Latte Mommy: You cant get blood from a stone, or can you?: Ill tell you, if its not raining then its f*cking pouring, excuse my French. I thought by now this black cloud that is hovering over me woul...

You cant get blood from a stone, or can you?

Ill tell you, if its not raining then its f*cking pouring, excuse my French. I thought by now this black cloud that is hovering over me would be gone. Ive suffered enough and had enough bad "karma" for all of us and then some. I seriously don't know why, im not a bad person, actually i think im too kind and giving sometimes.  Id say for the past 4 years or so, its just been one thing after another, never letting up. Every time something remotely good happens, im sure its gonna be sunny. WRONG and WRONG again. Its sad because all of this turmoil and discord in my life is basically due to the closest ones to me. I keep getting stung by the same bee. Even as I keep my distance thinking that's the answer, they sneak up on me.  I am glad now tho because my boys are 12 and 15 now and they are all I have. We are all each other has as far as "Family" and blood.  They are old enough now to see the shit that goes on, old enough to know its not me, im not the instigator, i don't meddle in peoples lives, DEEP in their lives just because they have a stick up their ass. LOL. I'm sure my grandparents , and my aunt , are up in heaven looking down and saying "Welcome to our lives, told you it was shitty" LMAO. I miss them so much. I have a ton to do, and i mean a ton, and somehow come up with enough money to pay my rent and electric before i get booted or in the dark! Cant get blood from a stone, but im gonna try!!
HUGS 
xoxo T.

Friday, November 8, 2013

The Latte Mommy: This time i admit it!!

The Latte Mommy: This time i admit it!!: I know i haven't been here blogging lately. Ive had so much to do, most of it bullshit that just needed to get done. Homeschooling the b...

This time i admit it!!

I know i haven't been here blogging lately. Ive had so much to do, most of it bullshit that just needed to get done. Homeschooling the boys and trying to keep myself going with my schoolwork isnt working out to well for me. Especially when i dont have my ADHD meds at all times,everything just seems to fall apart . There had been so many things i wanted to do and I had the means to do it, and get them, but i didnt. I knew that was going to happen. I should have put some aside, or just went and got what i wanted when i wanted instead of saving it to the end. Id say you learn some and lose some but somehow i never learn and still make the same mistakes over and over. School is really getting to be too much for me right now. I just have alot going on around me and in my head. I think the best thing for me to do is to put it on hold. Otherwise im just not doing well, not meeting the time constraints, procrastination is stil my middle name. Im not giving up tho because thats what she wants me to do and im not letting anyone win this but me. 
I guess im still just dazed and confused about what my own family has done to me. Ill tell you i never saw it coming but again i always have something up my sleeve and what i have no one sees coming. I guess in a way i have to look at it in a way that is positive, it really sealed the fate of the questions i never wanted to answer. What i wanted to avoid for so long is now done, it was done for me. I came out on top, i usually do,im a survivor, but i really had hoped it would never come to something like this. who would resort to this??? Well i no longer feel bad in any way shape or form for anything i did or that is to come. All i know is there will be no more contact , ever again. I forbid it. this one and only time, im living up to what they all think, this time i admit it, I forbid it. haha and i have the right to do that. Love being a n adult sometimes.
xoxox