Friday, November 8, 2013

This time i admit it!!

I know i haven't been here blogging lately. Ive had so much to do, most of it bullshit that just needed to get done. Homeschooling the boys and trying to keep myself going with my schoolwork isnt working out to well for me. Especially when i dont have my ADHD meds at all times,everything just seems to fall apart . There had been so many things i wanted to do and I had the means to do it, and get them, but i didnt. I knew that was going to happen. I should have put some aside, or just went and got what i wanted when i wanted instead of saving it to the end. Id say you learn some and lose some but somehow i never learn and still make the same mistakes over and over. School is really getting to be too much for me right now. I just have alot going on around me and in my head. I think the best thing for me to do is to put it on hold. Otherwise im just not doing well, not meeting the time constraints, procrastination is stil my middle name. Im not giving up tho because thats what she wants me to do and im not letting anyone win this but me. 
I guess im still just dazed and confused about what my own family has done to me. Ill tell you i never saw it coming but again i always have something up my sleeve and what i have no one sees coming. I guess in a way i have to look at it in a way that is positive, it really sealed the fate of the questions i never wanted to answer. What i wanted to avoid for so long is now done, it was done for me. I came out on top, i usually do,im a survivor, but i really had hoped it would never come to something like this. who would resort to this??? Well i no longer feel bad in any way shape or form for anything i did or that is to come. All i know is there will be no more contact , ever again. I forbid it. this one and only time, im living up to what they all think, this time i admit it, I forbid it. haha and i have the right to do that. Love being a n adult sometimes.