Ill tell you, if its not raining then its f*cking pouring, excuse my French. I thought by now this black cloud that is hovering over me would be gone. Ive suffered enough and had enough bad "karma" for all of us and then some. I seriously don't know why, im not a bad person, actually i think im too kind and giving sometimes. Id say for the past 4 years or so, its just been one thing after another, never letting up. Every time something remotely good happens, im sure its gonna be sunny. WRONG and WRONG again. Its sad because all of this turmoil and discord in my life is basically due to the closest ones to me. I keep getting stung by the same bee. Even as I keep my distance thinking that's the answer, they sneak up on me. I am glad now tho because my boys are 12 and 15 now and they are all I have. We are all each other has as far as "Family" and blood. They are old enough now to see the shit that goes on, old enough to know its not me, im not the instigator, i don't meddle in peoples lives, DEEP in their lives just because they have a stick up their ass. LOL. I'm sure my grandparents , and my aunt , are up in heaven looking down and saying "Welcome to our lives, told you it was shitty" LMAO. I miss them so much. I have a ton to do, and i mean a ton, and somehow come up with enough money to pay my rent and electric before i get booted or in the dark! Cant get blood from a stone, but im gonna try!!