Monday, May 27, 2013
I dont know why but i have been in a really bad mood, very irritable, no patience, nothing. There could be numerous reasons, but not to feel this bad. Im just beginning to see that things are not going to change, that its just a shitty hand i got dealt. Sure, ive made mistakes, chosen the wrong path before, but nothing to constitute this. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs more often than not. For the littlest things, its just life is very unfair, im struggling so hard just to keep it together, to keep my family together, to make ends meet. And im barely making it, I mean im a day and a step away from living in a box, a nice one im sure but for real. I dont know how much longer i can keep this up. Its eating me inside, and making me a hateful person. God life really sucks right now!
Friday, May 24, 2013
Im telling you, this ADHD crap is for the birds. Im so tired of it interfering in my life. Its like I have so much to do with paperwork, phone calls , mail , bills etc the usual. And for some reason, even tho i have all the info in front of me, I cant accomplish anything. I used to be * when i was in college and nursing school say 15 yrs ago lol* very good at these tasks. id get them done and be so happy crossing it off one of my hundred to do lists. I have so many lists and charts downloaded and sitting in a folder here, id love to use them but i just look at them and get overwhelmed. Why am i so , i dont know the word im looking for, all i know is that this is important stuff, crucial to surviving, i mean if i dont pay my car payment, ill lose my car, cause and effect, its very simple, yet i make it the hardest thing to do. Well im going to go now, i really have to try, wish me luck please!!
Sunday, May 19, 2013
blogging is tricky, do you want to put all your stuff out there for scrutiny , do you really care. I mean the reason alot blog is to get it out, instead of bottling it up. But i guess you have to have a line, one which is hard not to cross. Im tired, tired of thinking , tired of trying, tired of disappointment. Im really pissed too at life, that at 41 im so out of place, thrown to the wolves so to speak. No where to run, no where to hide. Being a single parent has changed alot, as much as i would love to crawl in a hole , i cant. I want to ignore all these problems but i dont just answer to myself , and there is no one to take half my pain, or shelter me. Im out there in the open. I just want some peace within myself for once.