Wednesday, August 31, 2011

The Latte Mommy: I need some ME- time!!!

The Latte Mommy: I need some ME- time!!!: I really need to stop feeling guilty, i dont know why i am , i really dont have a reason. I was just reading an article about how women need...

I need some ME- time!!!

I really need to stop feeling guilty, i dont know why i am , i really dont have a reason. I was just reading an article about how women need to take care of themselves first . HAHA. I do need to do that. Women these days and I have to juggle work, keeping a home, raising children and having relationships. Its alot for one person to handle and oh wait, i have to take time and take care of me first. Not so easy. But as the article says if you take care of mommy, then you have so much more to give. And i believe it to be true.  Its not as if i dont do anything for myself but i rarely ask for help, i gotta do it all(according to me) then i  get frazzled that i have so much to do, and my ADD kicks in as i try to do it all at once. Then i get pissy and its not good. I bookmarked the article- i should actually print it out and stick it on the bathroom mirror. LOL,
You know i have to get it going for school starting next week. So ill have to flip my attitude quickly. So i guess i should start doing for me and making some things in my life easier. With all that we, I , women have to juggle - its no doubt we feel guilty that someone or something isnt getting our full attention. How can i do that if my mind is spinning trying to do it all- meanwhile getting projects half done and starting a new one. Multitasking , i thought it was great but i read something once about it and its not so great, as you really cant give your all to one thing. I am proud of myself for taking care of my kids alone now, i mean i have a great job, a car, food, a great apartment, health, and im somehow managing it all pretty well i guess. I really need to stop being so hard on myself. but its all i know, ive always been hard on me. It made me who i am. And i do like who i am!!

Monday, August 29, 2011

The Latte Mommy: Need to step it up

The Latte Mommy: Need to step it up: I dont have too much to say today. Work this weekend was pretty good, Got through the "hurricane Irene" , got to work and back no problem. J...

Need to step it up

I dont have too much to say today. Work this weekend was pretty good, Got through the "hurricane Irene" , got to work and back no problem. Just lost power for a bit. Had to get ready for work Sunday morning in the dark, - that was very interesting to say the least. Many bad words came from my mouth, hey i was irritable lol.
Kids start school next week, yeah ! well in a way. Now ive got to get myself back on track. I cant sleep all day, i have to be up in the morning to get them going, i have to be there for homework , dinner, etc, bedtime. Routine, Thats what we have been missing all summer. Routine and schedule, now  it may be ok for the rest of the world but to my "ADD family" its screwing us all up. Big time. I hope it doesnt take too long for us to readjust. But it will be comforting when we do. I just have so much to do and im getting a little frazzled by the thought of it. Of course, what i have to do is way more heavier on my mind than reality - im sure. I get like this when i feel things are out of control, im not in control. I used to be much better at it, Staying in control that is, but i think ive let it get the best of me and have really given up the fight.
I have to find it in me, and its right there, to get control back. Be what i want to be. im stronger than that. Just seems in the past 5 yrs ive been beaten down by circumstances so many times, i started to lose faith in myself. Its so easy to let it happen,
On that note, im gonna scoot.
ttyl
HUGS

Friday, August 26, 2011

The Latte Mommy: Well this should be interesting...

The Latte Mommy: Well this should be interesting...: Of course, i swear every natural disaster, major noreaster, hurricaine etc happens on a weekend. THat may be great for most of you "normal 9...

Well this should be interesting...

Of course, i swear every natural disaster, major noreaster, hurricaine etc happens on a weekend. THat may be great for most of you "normal 9-5ers" but not for the weekend warriors- those of us that work in jobs that NEVER close and you cant just call out when there is a natural disaster or a state of emergency, you have to be there, smile and all ready to save the world. RN"s, ems, doctors,fire, etc. It sucks. So it really really irritates me when i see that Hurricane Irene is going to be the worst when ill be supposedly leaving work, only to have to return within the next 12 hours. BLAHHHH.
I never really worry, i gotta do what i gotta do. Its been part of my job and life for the past 15yrs. It can be exciting at times, but life threatening at others lol. I guess part of my ADD is the part that  enjoys it the most- how sick is that!  Me and my altima have made it through many a bad circumstances over the past years. It really sucks for those people at the beach who have to leave vacation early, i guess its not really interrupting my crazy life too much! Casinos are closing, public transportation is closing, bridges, highways, etc, but not MY HOSPITAL lol. Oh well, life goes on, someone has to take care of those sick people in my critical care unit, the ones that are so unaffected by Irene, the ones that just want to stay alive to even see a hurricane.
This is my job and as usual ill do it..

The Latte Mommy: This is becoming a pattern here!!

The Latte Mommy: This is becoming a pattern here!!: Not a very good pattern i may say. I am in a constant struggle within myself- over things i cant control. I start to feel good and then, so...

This is becoming a pattern here!!

Not a very good pattern i may say. I am in a constant struggle within myself- over things i cant control.  I start to feel good and then, something happens, like, i cant feel good. and i start to feel bad, i feel bad about anything and everything, but mostly its just a really bad feeling i have inside of my stomach.  Like a ball of emotion that keeps growing and growing Churning inside me. And i dont know what to do with it. I try and write, read, eat chocolate, to get my mind going elsewhere, but it keeps returning to that little fireball in my stomach.
I know that it certainly doesnt help, in fact it hurts, that i didnt even leave my house today. I need to get out of the house every day. I need to feel fresh air and see the sky. I know i could go to bed now and end the day, but i dont really want to do that either. I guess if i had something fun to do or look forward to, there alot of fun things to do but to me, nothing is fun anymore. Nothing gets me going, gets me happy, makes me smile/laugh. Ive become such a not fun person. And i know im the only one that can turn it around. And as much as i say i want to change and be happy, i dont do it.
Lets just face it, im still depressed.

HUGS

Thursday, August 25, 2011

The Latte Mommy: Should we move???

The Latte Mommy: Should we move???: As if lol.. Not an option right now though the thought of it makes me both happy and sad. Happy in a way that i could start over, meet new p...

Should we move???

As if lol.. Not an option right now though the thought of it makes me both happy and sad. Happy in a way that i could start over, meet new people, make new friends, start fresh , not have everyone in my business all the time, and live a little more. Ive been here, in this area, all my life. I know everyone , everywhere, etc etc.  I could be whoever i wanted to be. But really i wish i could change things in life, i dont know that turning back the clock would work but just somehow magically change things.  Id have a big family. Lots of kids, and be close and live near my family(big family) and we would all hang out at my huge house and someone would always be home and it would be loud all the time. This is how i want my kids to grow up, its how i wanted to, its how i didnt and its how we arent. And it depresses the hell out of me.  I wanted my kids to grow up in a house where the parents didnt divorce, yet alone, one parent died.  It would be fine everyone could be in my business then b.c in this world of mine, no one would be hurting each other and talking shit and taking sides and holding grudges. Wow this is a great place isnt it.
Maybe in another life, for real, another life is waiting and that is what i have to look forward to. Because right now, sitting here in our apartment, watching tv writing this blog, i cant find a light at the end of the tunnel. Im searching and searching and waiting and looking and nothing.
Dont get me wrong, i love my kids to death, they are the only thing i have. I just dont know why ( and there has to be a reason) i was dealt this hand . May seem good to everyone else, alot better than others im sure, but why am i not finding what i want, something to fill me , thus far in my 39 years of life.
I guess maybe we wont be moving for a little while.
HUGS

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The Latte Mommy: Guilty of what??

The Latte Mommy: Guilty of what??: What to say, hmm- well alots on my mind but nothing in particular - its like that! My mind has been spinning like the hamster cage, but i c...

Guilty of what??

What to say, hmm- well alots on my mind but nothing in particular - its like that!  My mind has been spinning like the hamster cage, but i cant say im upset or depressed or anything. I kinda feel numb! And thats no good either. That may be worse, i would like to be happy about something. I think its b/c my sleep has been really screwed up, and I know sleep is important in every aspect of life. Mental/emotional mindfullness included. Im getting tired of sleeping all day. I think somehow that i should be able to stay up late -well stay up, and keep going and going and then sleep. Its getting me unorganized- which is my goal. Im not writing stuff down like i do and im forgetting appts or im double booking, ugh.
Right in time for school, right! This is the time that im supposed to be supermom. Get everyone ready for school. 5th and 7th grade- its alot they need. We have a homework basket, and this year i bought new baskets and i need to put it all together, see what we need etc. Well i emptied the old one and the contents have been sitting on the floor here with the other 2 baskets Waiting, since this morning. Ive done nothing with it all day!  Its actually been driving me crazy, so i have to tackle it. 
One of the major feelings i have, i have realized lately is Guilt. I always feel guilty that im not doing enough for the kids. Guilt that im not June Cleaver , guilt that im not like every other mom out there. I think my expectations of myself are very high. And ill never meet them. I want to have high energy, get up early with the kids, be happy lol, but im a night owl, and ive never been high energy like i want to be. Im tired alot, things feel like chores, half of it is mind games im sure. I could get up but i dont. I get really mad at myself. And then i feel guilty. I read an article on guilt once. I bookmarked it im sure but the ADD girl that i am, can i find it out of the 200bookmarks i have here on my laptop? Doubt it. It was about letting go of the guilt and reading it made me feel good. Like i wasnt alone.
Well let me go look for it, and get moving on this work i have to do.
HUGS

Friday, August 19, 2011

The Latte Mommy: Not feeling too well...

The Latte Mommy: Not feeling too well...: Sick, not feeling good, tired, no energy, lethargy, pain, crappy, hmm what else? I guess those words sum it up to a degree. drinking an oj n...

Not feeling too well...

Sick, not feeling good, tired, no energy, lethargy, pain, crappy, hmm what else? I guess those words sum it up to a degree. drinking an oj now-need my vit c! Im so miserable when im sick. I try to suck it up and i think i do pretty well, i just have the energy of a slug/snail lol. Anyway, on top of it all, i dont have one of my adhd meds. I can get it filled tomorrow but i work twelve hours and my employee pharmacy is at the other hospital and only open till 12. I dont know if i could swing it or not. hmm maybe. hehe. So i dont even have my regular meds on board. double whammy.  I did clean up the house a bit. its better than it was. i need a shower but cant imagine standing in the shower and then blow drying my hair etc. That requires a lot of work esp for me cause i have really long hair.
Another funny (not) thing is that i take this medicine and its original use was for influenza but you know over the years it has acquired alot of off label uses. So i been taking it for a couple years. Never did it have any warnings on it. In fact it really has no side effects. Well i just got it refilled and wouldnt you know there was a warning sticker on it. it said "may cause blurred vision" wtf , ive had blurred vision and often and thought something was wrong with me. Granted i never went to the eye doc yet but christ, why now is there a warning on it and NEVER before. what did they just figure this out. ugh. sometimes med side effects , im not so sure they are worth the action of the med. its a hard decision to make. Like i was on an antidepressant and i thought it had stopped working. So i talked to my shrink and he tried me on a few different meds over a couple months. WELL the side effects of them all were horrible. So i decided after all that, i wanted to go back on my old one. He said ok. i guess the grass isnt always greener.  live and learn, thats what i say. But i have been a little down, tuesday was my deceased husbands birthday. He died 11 months ago. and it is really sad. Usually when i get sad about him, it lasts about a week and then i go back to my regular missing him but not so profoundly. So, thats about it in a nutshell.
Hope you all are having a better day!!!
HUGS

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

The Latte Mommy: Its not a good day!

The Latte Mommy: Its not a good day!: "Can i just go crawl under a rock today and be invisible? I know, not! But its just been that kind of day, the kind where nothing is really ..."

Its not a good day!

Can i just go crawl under a rock today and be invisible?  I know, not! But its just been that kind of day, the kind where nothing is really gonna make it quite right and you are going to have that pit in your stomach no matter what!  I guess it all started when i opened facebook and was reminded that today is my deceased husbands birthday, he died last July and he would have been 43 today.  I basically spent every birthday since he was 21 with him, well his 41st he was in florida with the boys and he never made it to 42. Anyway, i knew it was his birthday but just being slapped in the face with it all day made it worse. I know its just another day but ya know. My best friend is gone. I miss him so much.
So i cried a bit and the day just has seemed to drag and ive been mellow and gloomy and plain old shitty!! I saw my psychiatrist today and we talked about him and how i feel like i should be fine but im not. At least i got a good talk in today. My mood has been shifting down. i feel a little depression coming on. Im not really into cleaning and researching etc, like i have been. Sleeping a bit, but then again, im back on the Prozac and all that other shit is out of my system, so im not irritable, im just back to where i left off on the prozac, not really happy, just here! but without the irritability which is a plus. My doc put me on a new med called deplin, i think. Its high dose folate, which is supposed to make your neruotransmitters work better lol, make your anti depressant work better. I guess we will see, at least it has no ill side effects.
So, ive got a lot of shit to do this coming week and the next, school starts in 3 and i cant wait for the routine and schedule of it all to be back in place. I thrive on routine and ive had none all summer. I guess its my own fault but i think that is part of what has been going on with me these past couple months. In fact i know it is. So heres to routine, and to tomorrow- another day, just not today!
HUGS

Saturday, August 13, 2011

The Latte Mommy: I didnt really like this day!!

The Latte Mommy: I didnt really like this day!!: "Usually Fridays are tolerable but today kinda sucked. First off, i slept alot- i wasnt even that tired , just seemed easy. The boys were inv..."

I didnt really like this day!!

Usually Fridays are tolerable but today kinda sucked. First off, i slept alot- i wasnt even that tired , just seemed easy. The boys were involved in their video games etc and woke up late themselves. I missed an appointment and didnt call the doctor like i needed to. I basically swept all my responsibility under the rug as i often do.  I've got to stop that, im the only responsible , well the only parent they have. I cant mess up and fix it later. Later is too late. I feel like i barely saw them this week, well with me going away and then i had to bring them to BIL's house tonight cause i work this weekend, the usual.  I'll have to make next week a priority for them, and for me.
Got a message on the home phone from the principal of the boys school. It was that "end of summer" pre recorded message. Geez, summer flew by. I wanted it to be special, well do some fun things , we did but not nearly as much as i had planned on. We all have alot to do to get ready for school. Mostly me, the boys need to finish readings and do some math. I , on the other hand, need to go through our "homework box" . This big box of school supplies, i made it in my trials of ADD research. I bought 2 new baskets for the stuff and need to go through it and transfer, clean , throw out, etc. I have to really get my butt moving when it comes to Nicholas and his "IEP" . Its a private school so its not an iep but its similar, since his diagnosis of ADD at the end of the school year. Teachers and I are working together to help plan this year for him. This is something that is very important and i cant slack. Then i need to really keep an eye on the younger one, well i need to get him evaluated for things, but ive been slacking. I promise ill make all my calls on MONDAY.
So anyhow, i didnt do much of anything today, and of course now im awake, and trying to be as productive as one can possibly be at 1am. OHH gotta pay my car bill, thanks for reminding me!!  And then the glorious next 2 days of Hell, i mean work, sorry, slip up!! I hope its not a bad weekend, not too stressful please, i like the exciting sick people ICU stuff, but the emotional drama and family shit just stresses me out and its not a good stress. Its the kind where you just wanna shout " GET OUT" . Yeah i wish. We definately need visiting hours again. Got rid of them years ago, makes the family feel better and i told you about how important the family, not the patient, is. So they can come and go as they please all freaking day long. No privacy for any other patients nor for us the nurses. One day i know it will change back, dont know if ill be doing bedside care then but it will still be an achievement in my eyes.
OK, gonna keep on moving.
HUGS

Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Latte Mommy: Back to reality!

The Latte Mommy: Back to reality!: "Back from vacation, well my short stay at the Taj Mahal, casino in AC. We had fun, we had a great big room, the grande suite- for 2 days, ve..."

Back to reality!

Back from vacation, well my short stay at the Taj Mahal, casino in AC. We had fun, we had a great big room, the grande suite- for 2 days, very discounted price! It would have been really fun to have some friends there too, maybe next time. Didnt lose too much money, played my favorite slot- wheel of fortune, i had too= and then we played penny slots , i spent a whole two hours with 5 dollars lol- felt like granny off the ac bus trip.  I didnt really feel like staying but i didnt feel like leaving. It was so overpriced it wasnt funny. My normal starbucks treat was about 1.15 more in ac than here. Wow. crazy. but at least they had a starbucks in the casino!!
So, now its back to reality, back to the daily grind. Wash, wash and more wash, unpacking, etc. I mean i just picked the boys up from my BIL's and now i have to drop them off there tomorrow night for work . Rewash the clothes they just brought home. Should have left them there- The clothes i mean!  I have to take my son to therapy tomorrow, and get his meds refilled, before the Strattera leaves his system entirely (BAD MOMMY) .
So i started my wash, the boys wash, and i just started straightening up, may take awhile tho.
One thing i will say is that im starting with this strange obsession/compulsion. Well something like that. I've always been a little disorganized, alot of papers, folders, lists etc. in my area. But i have never been dirty, in fact im quite the opposite, Im always cleaning. Now when i say cleaning, i dont mean straightening up, i mean, vaccuming, down on my hands and knees cleaning the kitchen floor, or scrubbing the toilets, i mean real hard work. But anyway, ive become so that im really skeeved by alot of other places, besides my house. Not my moms house or not work, but just different places that never bothered me before. Why all of a sudden am i really bothered by certain things. Great, another thing to add to the list of my neurosis. lol
Hugs.xoxo

Monday, August 8, 2011

The Latte Mommy: I hate bad moods!!

The Latte Mommy: I hate bad moods!!: "I really hate being in a bad mood. The thing is, this seems to be common since i stopped, changed, restarted my medication regimen. Im gett..."

I hate bad moods!!

I really hate being in a bad mood. The thing is, this seems to be common since i stopped, changed, restarted my medication regimen.  Im getting really tired of it tho. How long is this gonna take? Its this nagging nasty irritable feeling i have. Little things get on my nerves, like they didnt before! I have no patience, this isnt me!
One thing that is really getting on my last nerve is work. We have so many new rules, new practices, new papers every freakin day. Its like you have to turn something new in and attend all these freakin meetings every week. Well i only work weekends, its a weekend program, and its for a reason. Christ i cant do 100 things at once. Im tired of healthcare. All its become about is bowing down to the patinet and their family. Its not important that you are a damn good nurse, know your shit inside and out, help out the ones that dont know what the hell they are doing, but hey if you dont get that drink of water fast enough, even when your other patient is near death, then you are on the shit list. Its so fucked up! That pillow better be fluffed, and your maid like duties fulfilled, or you are  getting called in. You know why, b/c the stupid patient satisfaction survey is what pays the hospital. How screwed up is that. It has become about letting pts families dictate their care. If they think they need something , hey its done! Im sick of kissing ass, explaining things to them that they will NEVER in a million years understand, look let me do my job, dont they get, the more they bug me, the less ill be going in that room to see their loved one. Sorry but thats what its come to. They think the sqeaky wheel gets the grease but really they get the shit end of it. HAHAH. joke is on them.  15 yrs and i feel burnt out. maybe its working in the ICU , maybe its me, maybe its life, but emotionally im fried. If i could just go in, do my job uninterrupted, id be fine. If i wanted a job where i had to deal with customer satisfaction , id choose salesperson, id like my patient satisfaction equal to , the patient lives .
Anyway, i have to go write a nasty letter to a stupid lawyer who screwed me over. haha.

Friday, August 5, 2011

The Latte Mommy: Aliens invading my body??

The Latte Mommy: Aliens invading my body??: "even tho i woke up late, well around 1pm- well to my defense i didnt fall asleep until 530am- i got alot accomplished again today!! What is ..."

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Aliens invading my body??

even tho i woke up late, well around 1pm- well to my defense i didnt fall asleep until 530am- i got alot accomplished again today!! What is going on? Did aliens invade my body? if so,, i like it. I had a doctors appt, which i kept and got there on time! then i had to go to the pharmacy , got my sons meds refilled- another point for me, we wont run out of medicine! Then i went to the bank and did some business i was over due on- and deposited some checks- 2 points for me!  Got home, vacuumed,did some random things,
We had plans to go bowling with my gf, her kids and mine- well i actually went, instead of offering an excuse as i do often, we had fun! And now my gfs daughter ( our kids are like cousins) is sleeping over! Ok that is ALOT of accomplishments for me in one day.
I started off in a pretty good mood, i mean i got snappy a few times but nothing like i have for the past 1 1/2 months. All that evil medicine is out of my body! And i restarted my Prozac- yeah for that- some normalcy should be returning shortly. I dont know exactly what happened but im feeling a lot better in the past week, i really think its because i had all that different meds in my system and the side effects were horrible- Now that im free of it all, i feel pretty good and im sure that the increase in my ADD meds is really working. Maybe , just maybe, im getting it right. I mean i actually have been reading and note taking on a few subjects i need to be looking at. My attention span hasnt been that long in awhile. Hopefully this will all cross over into the weekend and work. My day goes so much easier and faster when im on the ball. Otherwise im walking in circles trying to do 5 things at once, completing none of them. i now have faith.
Tomorrow is my sons 13th birthday. I cant believe he is getting so old. Its exciting he will be a teenager but sad in the same respect. I remember when he was just a baby, a toddler, he was so smart and cute. Makes me really sad that his dad isnt here for this. I wish God didnt take him from us when he did. He would be so proud and feel the same as me, "our baby is growing up!"
One thing that is pissing me off is something i found out from my son earlier tonight. His spanish teacher is known to be a lets say " not very nice person" , mean to the kids, snappy, etc. Now granted, my son had alot of trouble in school  last year, well with his dad dying a month before school started, he was starting a new school, middle school at that, and he wasnt diagnosed yet but had ADD. But i found out his teacher told him he had " a waste of a brain" !!!! Im really pissed. Now i dont know everything b/c sometimes kids omit things but even the slightest version of this pisses me off. Now, we suspected he had ADD, now knowing he does, i almost feel like she was making fun of someone with a disability. This doesnt sit well with me. Im gonna see how to address this!
Ok gonna go do some more stuff- look at me go!! hahah

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

The Latte Mommy: organiziation is working!!

The Latte Mommy: organiziation is working!!: "today has been good, although i got a late start, 1pm, haha. well granted i didnt fall asleep unitl like 4/5 am. But i was awakened by my ph..."

organiziation is working!!

today has been good, although i got a late start, 1pm, haha. well granted i didnt fall asleep unitl like 4/5 am. But i was awakened by my phone, i really never hear it when im sleeping but i got lucky. It was my shrink returning my call. All these new meds ive been trying in attempt to elevate my mood are not cutting it. All they do is give me nasty side effects. So i called him to tell him i cant take it anymore and i want to try my prozac again. I didnt think it was working but now i think it did more than i thought. It evened me out. Ive been very irritable, short tempered and grouchy lately. And i havent felt like that in forever. So he is reordering it. YEAHHH . Ahh to feel somewhat normal again, i cant wait.
Anyway after i woke, got my good news, and got my coffee, i started organizing the crap in my "area" of the living room. Got alot accomplished as far as organizing. Things are back in place. I feel good. Right now, im actually a little bored, that is rare. But, we are going out to dinner soon with the family to celebrate my sons 13th birthday!! Time flies. So that will occupy some time. I think i just get lonely as i dont really have alot ( barely any) girlfriends that i talk with everyday , that i confide in, laugh with, trust. Thats sad, but i dont know. I have alot of "friends" aquaintances , i get along with everyone. Im kind, helpful, funny, etc but keeping close friends is just difficult for me. Maybe i talk to much. i wish i knew. I could learn and change but i dont. I just keep trying. Anyway im lonely.
what i did decide is that im going to try and exercise. Its been awhile, but i used to do it all the time and i know it works wonders for the mood. I wanna try zumba. I cant just walk on a treadmill , etc. Its too boring for my ADD mind. I think at least zumba will keep me moving and not bored. So maybe ill look into joining the Y. Now thats something positive for the whole family!!!
TTYL HUGS
T.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The Latte Mommy: I hate those nights!!!!

The Latte Mommy: I hate those nights!!!!: "I hate those nights, you know the ones where you are ready to sleep, lying down, watching tv, waiting to drift off, only to wake up an hour ..."

I hate those nights!!!!

I hate those nights, you know the ones where you are ready to sleep, lying down, watching tv, waiting to drift off, only to wake up an hour later tossing and turning, with these legs that wont keep still. That uneasy restless feeling in your calves- Its called RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME and it SUCKS. I experience it every now and then and i take whatever i can to fall asleep, nothing works, i could take 5 valium, muscle relaxers, benedryl- all together lol,well i didnt take that combo last night but something similar - and it wont work. Sure ill drift off for about an hour if that, then im up, miserable.
Now im one for staying up all night, not a problem, but see now ive drugged myself to try and sleep past these legs and im just not feeling like opening my eyes and doing anything. Im tired but my legs arent. So finally im up 615 am and i think i slept two hours, in intervals lol. I'll be ok today but its just not fair.
Hopefully ill be cheerful today and not miserable b/c i didnt sleep. I figure ill go to starbucks early and start my day on a good frappucchino note lol.
Talk to ya later.

Monday, August 1, 2011

The Latte Mommy: The Ultimate Betrayal

The Latte Mommy: The Ultimate Betrayal: "I feel so stupid, once again ive been betrayed and i feel like i led to horse to water. A very close family member has done this before but ..."

The Ultimate Betrayal

I feel so stupid, once again ive been betrayed and i feel like i led to horse to water. A very close family member has done this before but ive forgiven and started to trust again, i mean i give this person whatever they ask for basically. So why steal it? I guess its because they wanted it and it was easier to take it while i was sleeping, i mean my pocketbook was right next to me as i slept. It was so easy, easier than asking and getting a sermon about it, right? sure but now the trust is totally destroyed, im so hurt, besides angry. This has left me now short of what i need, im the one who is really suffering. and what can i do, cant get it back, its gone. Was i really that stupid to leave things out in the open like that, i dont think so, but i guess i should have known better. I mean, if you cant trust family, who can you trust. I did confront this person and got a halfway admittance. Who cares its done. Im just pissed that im the one suffering now, i dont have what I NEED. I feel some hate,, but i dont want to hate, im trying not to.
Ive just had so many shitty things go on in the past year, and so many people betray me, people that were supposed to love and take care of me. Am i that easy of a target. I dont know how to act different than i do. Im just so tired of it all, tired of trying, trusting, giving, helping, etc.No more. i have such a headache right now. Thanks for hearing me vent.!
HUGS