Need to step it up

I dont have too much to say today. Work this weekend was pretty good, Got through the "hurricane Irene" , got to work and back no problem. Just lost power for a bit. Had to get ready for work Sunday morning in the dark, - that was very interesting to say the least. Many bad words came from my mouth, hey i was irritable lol.
Kids start school next week, yeah ! well in a way. Now ive got to get myself back on track. I cant sleep all day, i have to be up in the morning to get them going, i have to be there for homework , dinner, etc, bedtime. Routine, Thats what we have been missing all summer. Routine and schedule, now  it may be ok for the rest of the world but to my "ADD family" its screwing us all up. Big time. I hope it doesnt take too long for us to readjust. But it will be comforting when we do. I just have so much to do and im getting a little frazzled by the thought of it. Of course, what i have to do is way more heavier on my mind than reality - im sure. I get like this when i feel things are out of control, im not in control. I used to be much better at it, Staying in control that is, but i think ive let it get the best of me and have really given up the fight.
I have to find it in me, and its right there, to get control back. Be what i want to be. im stronger than that. Just seems in the past 5 yrs ive been beaten down by circumstances so many times, i started to lose faith in myself. Its so easy to let it happen,
On that note, im gonna scoot.
ttyl
HUGS

Its not a good day!

Can i just go crawl under a rock today and be invisible?  I know, not! But its just been that kind of day, the kind where nothing is really gonna make it quite right and you are going to have that pit in your stomach no matter what!  I guess it all started when i opened facebook and was reminded that today is my deceased husbands birthday, he died last July and he would have been 43 today.  I basically spent every birthday since he was 21 with him, well his 41st he was in florida with the boys and he never made it to 42. Anyway, i knew it was his birthday but just being slapped in the face with it all day made it worse. I know its just another day but ya know. My best friend is gone. I miss him so much.
So i cried a bit and the day just has seemed to drag and ive been mellow and gloomy and plain old shitty!! I saw my psychiatrist today and we talked about him and how i feel like i should be fine but im not. At least i got a good talk in today. My mood has been shifting down. i feel a little depression coming on. Im not really into cleaning and researching etc, like i have been. Sleeping a bit, but then again, im back on the Prozac and all that other shit is out of my system, so im not irritable, im just back to where i left off on the prozac, not really happy, just here! but without the irritability which is a plus. My doc put me on a new med called deplin, i think. Its high dose folate, which is supposed to make your neruotransmitters work better lol, make your anti depressant work better. I guess we will see, at least it has no ill side effects.
So, ive got a lot of shit to do this coming week and the next, school starts in 3 and i cant wait for the routine and schedule of it all to be back in place. I thrive on routine and ive had none all summer. I guess its my own fault but i think that is part of what has been going on with me these past couple months. In fact i know it is. So heres to routine, and to tomorrow- another day, just not today!
HUGS

Im awake!!

Well i finally woke up, kinda, and its Tuesday evening. I was pretty much awake, thursday night to sunday night and worked 24 of those hours. I think im doing fine, know i shouldnt be up that long and then CRASH. Asleep, for a day, at least i was on the couch. So im waking up now, and the cycle begins again. I saw the phone ring yesterday and it was my shrink returning my call about how my meds arent right. I was so tired i couldnt even answer the phone. So, i'll just continue to take the new AD until we speak.
Did i tell you i've been sleeping on the couch since December, i dont know why. I used to love my bed! I know it all started when i couldnt get up in the morning to take the kids to school and they missed a bit. So, i started either staying up all night so i'd be up in the morning( silly i know) but it worked!! Then i'd sleep while they were at school and the cycle would repeat night after night. The couch happens to be really comfy, so i made it my bed. I can sleep there and feel like im not away from the family, in my room secluded, its strange. This is definately contributing to my backwards schedule. Its not doing me any good.
Well i broke down and bought myself a new pillow from BBB online of course , the best way to shop. And a new pillowtop mattress pad, very nice, very high thread count etc etc. $$$. So the plan is to put it all on the bed tonight, get it nice and cozy, take my bedtime meds- which i have seemed to give up on, why i dont know. And go to bed, well it will have to be late b/c i just woke up and all. BUt im gonna try. I cant do this anymore. I've got to get my schedule right.
and im kinda pissy b/c my dryer broke this weekend. Its fixed now but when i told the office ( i live in "luxury" apartments- could be way more luxurious if you ask me but i guess its the best around right now! Anyway, i mentioned the toilet seat in the boys bathroom was broken and i needed a new one. Well the dryer is fixed but no new toilet seat. wtf. thats why i pay ALL THIS MONEY to live here. So, i dont have to do this shit. And they advertise 24hr maintenance , well why did it take more than 24hrs for them to come look at the dryer ?  And you know how i mentioned all the shit i had to look through, file, do, with paperwork etc. I still didnt do it. I hate it when i procrastinate, i always end up getting shit on.
thanks for the comments, it made my day!!