Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Its not a good day!

Can i just go crawl under a rock today and be invisible?  I know, not! But its just been that kind of day, the kind where nothing is really gonna make it quite right and you are going to have that pit in your stomach no matter what!  I guess it all started when i opened facebook and was reminded that today is my deceased husbands birthday, he died last July and he would have been 43 today.  I basically spent every birthday since he was 21 with him, well his 41st he was in florida with the boys and he never made it to 42. Anyway, i knew it was his birthday but just being slapped in the face with it all day made it worse. I know its just another day but ya know. My best friend is gone. I miss him so much.
So i cried a bit and the day just has seemed to drag and ive been mellow and gloomy and plain old shitty!! I saw my psychiatrist today and we talked about him and how i feel like i should be fine but im not. At least i got a good talk in today. My mood has been shifting down. i feel a little depression coming on. Im not really into cleaning and researching etc, like i have been. Sleeping a bit, but then again, im back on the Prozac and all that other shit is out of my system, so im not irritable, im just back to where i left off on the prozac, not really happy, just here! but without the irritability which is a plus. My doc put me on a new med called deplin, i think. Its high dose folate, which is supposed to make your neruotransmitters work better lol, make your anti depressant work better. I guess we will see, at least it has no ill side effects.
So, ive got a lot of shit to do this coming week and the next, school starts in 3 and i cant wait for the routine and schedule of it all to be back in place. I thrive on routine and ive had none all summer. I guess its my own fault but i think that is part of what has been going on with me these past couple months. In fact i know it is. So heres to routine, and to tomorrow- another day, just not today!