Friday, August 26, 2011

This is becoming a pattern here!!

Not a very good pattern i may say. I am in a constant struggle within myself- over things i cant control.  I start to feel good and then, something happens, like, i cant feel good. and i start to feel bad, i feel bad about anything and everything, but mostly its just a really bad feeling i have inside of my stomach.  Like a ball of emotion that keeps growing and growing Churning inside me. And i dont know what to do with it. I try and write, read, eat chocolate, to get my mind going elsewhere, but it keeps returning to that little fireball in my stomach.
I know that it certainly doesnt help, in fact it hurts, that i didnt even leave my house today. I need to get out of the house every day. I need to feel fresh air and see the sky. I know i could go to bed now and end the day, but i dont really want to do that either. I guess if i had something fun to do or look forward to, there alot of fun things to do but to me, nothing is fun anymore. Nothing gets me going, gets me happy, makes me smile/laugh. Ive become such a not fun person. And i know im the only one that can turn it around. And as much as i say i want to change and be happy, i dont do it.
Lets just face it, im still depressed.