why, why and why??

There are so many things in life that i will just never understand, like how the washer and dryer can actually eat your socks and underwear, how when making an appt, 10am really means you have to be there at 930a or its cancelled, how so many people go on maury and steve wilkos talk shows and deny they molested or cheated, when they know they are gonna fail that lie detector test (my favorite is the trick in the green room!) for all you hard core maury fans! How is it that you can have a career in which you do so good, all good for years, yet one made up or embellished comment can ruin you in a day, how someone can say they love you and then leave you, how people can be so selfish and not use please and thankyou. I wonder why some people (the good ones) die horrible deaths and the bad people slide by. I really dont understand how people are your "friends" yet drop you on a dime, how coffee can make you crazy and me sleep. Why do some people get cancer and some dont. Why is there so much grief in life? why are we measured by our wealth?, why do basketball players make millions but paying overtime to a single mom nurse staying with her pt a little longer is a crime.Why some people lie ? HOw can someone have more than one personality in their bodies/minds. why do some people get to have out of body experiences and see the light, how can i have all this energy and you cant get off the couch. Why depression lasts so long. Is there more to life than this? is this it? is this all i should be doing?

Please read, for everyone who needs their job!!

 This is a very good article that everyone should read and take very seriously, its why many nurses are burnt out, and why many pts dont receive the education they should. Help this nurse and write for her.

http://thenerdynurse.com/2012/01/arizona-nurse-has-license-threatened-by-doctor-after-providing-patient-education.html

Nursing can be emotionally draining!!

Ill do a little posting here, got called into work. Not so bad, only had to work 7 hrs vs my usual grueling 12 lol. Was a sad day tho, had a "gift of life" donor. Means someone was healthy but braindead and they were an organ donor. Its a long process, you spend every second with that patient doing work. TOns of bloodwork, tons of medications, lines put in, monitering all kinds of stuff, basically making sure every part/organ of that person is JUST right and stays that way until the "harvest" takes place. That is when the person goes to the operating room and the organs are taken, it definitely puts a different spin on organ donation. I mean you realize that they and their family are doing everything they can to help another unfortunate person live another day, yet its so barbaric. Ive seen one once, years ago. I dont even know how i can describe how i felt. I know the persons brain was dead, gone , their spirit somewhere else, somewhere good- for they were giving the ultimate sacrifice. Im not an organ donor, i know, a nurse who isnt! I just have mixed feelings, a personal choice, as we all have these choices.  So it was sad, esp because the pt was in their early 20's. such a young life to be taken.  Its just one of those things that make me question so many things in the world, and beyond. I often go there in my head. I wouldnt stay for another "harvest" , it just makes me ill inside. too sad, but i give the patient alot of praise for that decision they made beforehand, you know that little sticker on your drivers license. They may just be saving alot of lives tonight!

Looking at my future

Yeah i know i havent been around in a little bit, sorry. I guess i just havent felt that "spark" to write. I hate it when that happens, to me it feels like im just not feeling like me, but ive actually felt ok.  On call this weekend, yeah!! so i get to actually spend a weekend with the boys, just them and me. Ive had alot to take care of lately and ive kept up pretty good. Im actually glad im off work. Seems they are really looking at us, under a microscope, not sure why but alot of people have either left or been fired in the past 6 months, something is going on. I know nurses are supposed to be "in demand" but they arent acting like it. Unless they are trying to weed out the old- higher paid more seniority and higher the new.  Job security is scary, esp since im now a single, widowed mom of two growing boys.So anyway i figure if im not there i cant screw up lol. Im in the process of registering for online college to get my RN-BSN . I need my bsn to get a better or higher up job and i would like to have alot of options. I really want to teach- clinical. Hands on, like in a nursing school, i been doing this job 15 yrs, think i know what im doing and I LOVE teaching.  I just taught a nurse at work something she didnt know how to do and she came out and said thank you, you are so patient! you taught me so well! I was Shocked lol, im not patient, but maybe in a teaching situation i am and in my normal rush rush life im not. Its just a calling ive had in the past few years so im going to go for it. I cant work in critical care and be doing all this laborious work, its so physical and no one seems to get it. they think i give pills and sit at a desk. NO way, im on my feet for basically the whole 12 hours i work and im constantly lifting , pulling up, turning dead weight patients on ventilators. Its not their fault but my back is already in bad shape. Ok ta ta for now. getting my heating pad out as we speak lol

I hate bad moods!!

I really hate being in a bad mood. The thing is, this seems to be common since i stopped, changed, restarted my medication regimen.  Im getting really tired of it tho. How long is this gonna take? Its this nagging nasty irritable feeling i have. Little things get on my nerves, like they didnt before! I have no patience, this isnt me!
One thing that is really getting on my last nerve is work. We have so many new rules, new practices, new papers every freakin day. Its like you have to turn something new in and attend all these freakin meetings every week. Well i only work weekends, its a weekend program, and its for a reason. Christ i cant do 100 things at once. Im tired of healthcare. All its become about is bowing down to the patinet and their family. Its not important that you are a damn good nurse, know your shit inside and out, help out the ones that dont know what the hell they are doing, but hey if you dont get that drink of water fast enough, even when your other patient is near death, then you are on the shit list. Its so fucked up! That pillow better be fluffed, and your maid like duties fulfilled, or you are  getting called in. You know why, b/c the stupid patient satisfaction survey is what pays the hospital. How screwed up is that. It has become about letting pts families dictate their care. If they think they need something , hey its done! Im sick of kissing ass, explaining things to them that they will NEVER in a million years understand, look let me do my job, dont they get, the more they bug me, the less ill be going in that room to see their loved one. Sorry but thats what its come to. They think the sqeaky wheel gets the grease but really they get the shit end of it. HAHAH. joke is on them.  15 yrs and i feel burnt out. maybe its working in the ICU , maybe its me, maybe its life, but emotionally im fried. If i could just go in, do my job uninterrupted, id be fine. If i wanted a job where i had to deal with customer satisfaction , id choose salesperson, id like my patient satisfaction equal to , the patient lives .
Anyway, i have to go write a nasty letter to a stupid lawyer who screwed me over. haha.