Looking at my future

Yeah i know i havent been around in a little bit, sorry. I guess i just havent felt that "spark" to write. I hate it when that happens, to me it feels like im just not feeling like me, but ive actually felt ok.  On call this weekend, yeah!! so i get to actually spend a weekend with the boys, just them and me. Ive had alot to take care of lately and ive kept up pretty good. Im actually glad im off work. Seems they are really looking at us, under a microscope, not sure why but alot of people have either left or been fired in the past 6 months, something is going on. I know nurses are supposed to be "in demand" but they arent acting like it. Unless they are trying to weed out the old- higher paid more seniority and higher the new.  Job security is scary, esp since im now a single, widowed mom of two growing boys.So anyway i figure if im not there i cant screw up lol. Im in the process of registering for online college to get my RN-BSN . I need my bsn to get a better or higher up job and i would like to have alot of options. I really want to teach- clinical. Hands on, like in a nursing school, i been doing this job 15 yrs, think i know what im doing and I LOVE teaching.  I just taught a nurse at work something she didnt know how to do and she came out and said thank you, you are so patient! you taught me so well! I was Shocked lol, im not patient, but maybe in a teaching situation i am and in my normal rush rush life im not. Its just a calling ive had in the past few years so im going to go for it. I cant work in critical care and be doing all this laborious work, its so physical and no one seems to get it. they think i give pills and sit at a desk. NO way, im on my feet for basically the whole 12 hours i work and im constantly lifting , pulling up, turning dead weight patients on ventilators. Its not their fault but my back is already in bad shape. Ok ta ta for now. getting my heating pad out as we speak lol