Feeling pretty good today! Was in the car quite a bit and I heard alot of different music- so many songs that i liked, old/new/- Some of it was dance music, you know, the stuff you used to listen to when you were like 16 and going to all those clubs, with your fake id lol. Well thats what i did. Went to many a dance club every weekend and now that i think of the fake id, its funny how we got away with it. I even remember the fake name i used lol. So im hearing all these songs and its bringing back memories and its a good feeling.
So i start thinking, i have always loved music, and dancing. It was a huge interest of mine and then it stopped. I cant tell you last time i went out with the girlfriends and danced. We used to go downtown alot, i guess i feel like i outgrew it but i didnt really. When so many things happen to you, life experiences, mostly rough ones- i guess i kinda lost the child in me. Now i know this was many years ago but i miss that part of me, that i laid to rest along with all the negative things ive experienced. The last 5yrs or so have brought me so many unexpected "tragedies" . I feel like i was too young to deal with all that. I've changed in so many ways, ive always been responsible for alot of things but that child like nature in me got lost. It has aged me. Then i get depressed thinking im almost 40. I know its just a number, but it sucks. I still feel way younger than that but really i barely laugh anymore, its hard to smile and not much makes me happy. I dont look forward to much and when i do, that time or event gets here and i crumble. Nah dont want to do it anymore. Why? Have i given in to what life has been throwing me. Instead of fighting it like i would have always done.
Seems i find things i need to change. work on, about myself. Im aware but not necessarily jumping in. The worst part is that ive had too many young people, friends, family, die. Its taken a toll on me and i have the motto live now, you never know what tomorrow brings. That motto is in my head but i somehow cant seem to practice what i preach.
I really need to make some changes. This is no fun. I think i need to go out dancing!!!