What if i really did win???

Well, im sitting here, and ive been looking at the pile of mail- alot of junk- that has accumulated over there. Its been there a few days, and ive been neglecting it. Why? who knows, this is the way i screw things up. I think nothing important is there, and then when i open it , im like "Damn, i missed that " or something like that. I've just been in a mood lately. Cant shake it. Im sure it will go away but im WAITING. Im trying, pretty hard, to push, but i can only push so far. I push to get the necessary things done. Anything extra is just beyond approach right now.
Although it is scary, knowing that ive felt pretty down for so long- is this just it? Maybe it doesnt get better and i have to learn to do this. I think id feel better if i just buckled up and did things i need to do instead of procrastinating like i do. It just makes me feel guilty and things dont get done in time. Even my latte isnt helping!!
Ya know i went out there, i tried all these different medications with my psychiatrist , and nothing worked or side effects were too harsh, I know a medicine cant make you happy but at least id like to say it would help my moods stay stable instead of so up and down. When im up, its great and i make plans etc that i dont follow through on because i go down so fast. Its ridiculous, Its disheartening, its stupid, its boring, its unnecessary, and it SUCKS.
I;ll keep on trying tho. Maybe there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Who knows, i may just be the winner of Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes lol. I might!

I need some ME- time!!!

I really need to stop feeling guilty, i dont know why i am , i really dont have a reason. I was just reading an article about how women need to take care of themselves first . HAHA. I do need to do that. Women these days and I have to juggle work, keeping a home, raising children and having relationships. Its alot for one person to handle and oh wait, i have to take time and take care of me first. Not so easy. But as the article says if you take care of mommy, then you have so much more to give. And i believe it to be true.  Its not as if i dont do anything for myself but i rarely ask for help, i gotta do it all(according to me) then i  get frazzled that i have so much to do, and my ADD kicks in as i try to do it all at once. Then i get pissy and its not good. I bookmarked the article- i should actually print it out and stick it on the bathroom mirror. LOL,
You know i have to get it going for school starting next week. So ill have to flip my attitude quickly. So i guess i should start doing for me and making some things in my life easier. With all that we, I , women have to juggle - its no doubt we feel guilty that someone or something isnt getting our full attention. How can i do that if my mind is spinning trying to do it all- meanwhile getting projects half done and starting a new one. Multitasking , i thought it was great but i read something once about it and its not so great, as you really cant give your all to one thing. I am proud of myself for taking care of my kids alone now, i mean i have a great job, a car, food, a great apartment, health, and im somehow managing it all pretty well i guess. I really need to stop being so hard on myself. but its all i know, ive always been hard on me. It made me who i am. And i do like who i am!!