How do I explain ?

I don't understand wtf I'm doing so wrong in life that this stupid black cloud won't go away. I mean yea I'm no angel but I'm generally a good person. I take care of my kids and those close to me that need it as well. I do good deeds. I don't think Ill of people unless they totally screwed me over and unfortunately it's those the closest that have hurt me the most. Or an ex coworker or two that basically didn't care to think about it before they contributed to a major downfall in mine and my children's lives. At least I didn't think so. Anyway I'm really hanging by a thread here in so msny ways but I have to keep up that smile and pretend everything isn't falling apart as I try and explain how life sucks to my boys as gentally as I possibly can !!