I can't believe I'm actually reading this

 I've been reading my blog and I got back to 2013 and I really can't believe what I was reading now when I found my significant other flirting s****** with women online he would never admit it even when I shoved it in his face. Never would say he was sorry because then it would be like he was admitting it. But had the audacity to tell me that I wasn't showing him enough affection. Now I worked 12 hours and did tons of stuff for my kids and their school and whatnot all week. He didn't let's just put it that way. So anyway I'm reading back to 2013 and I'm reading that I'm sitting alone on the couch watching TV and I wanted affection and it was funny because the other person was on the computer and I said wow the screen the other end of that screen must be really important or something like that. Now that just shows me that what he said was not true and that I was right and I knew that wasn't the case and that wasn't an excuse for him to do that online with other girls because that is disgusting especially when it was my computer and it was my house lol. At any rate just wanted to make a note of that maybe I'll start blogging again who knows.

NOT AGAIN< PLEASE

Ill tell you  i really didn't need this right now. It's the same old shit, different day. Just when you think things are gonna calm down, maybe settle down, etc, havoc starts up again and it's sooooo recognizable.  It's the same as it always was. Maybe worse,So predictable, in every aspect of the situation. But you know what, the best thing for me to do right now and I'm so proud of myself for recognizing it, is to step back, far back, like miles back.  Not get involved. Do nothing. You know how they say sometimes doing nothing is the best thing to do. Well, that time has come, and that is rare for me. It's usually hard to bc i like to get involved in shit and help etc but nahhh i can see this fire from a mile away and the farther away i am, the less burnt i'll get. And i really don't need to be getting damaged mentally , emotionally, shit, in any way. I can see it happening and i'm putting a stop to it now. Taking control. by doing nothing. Isn't it great. I guess when and if the smoke blows over something that resembles what once was may be salvageable.  If not, what can i do. Not a damn thing. Gonna keep busy today around my room clean, paperwork, start a bullet journal, which i just discovered, oooh more crafts for me to do. I'll have fun. 
Hugs T.

Losing again and again

If you cant trust your mate/significant other with your most inner fears and thoughts without fear of being laughed at or told you are being silly, then who can you tell? I think i know the answer, a stranger! Or even someone you dont know all that well. Sometimes all you need is someone to listen, or say" yeah, it may be a silly thought but hey, you are doing the best job you can, alone" or " i may not agree with you, but as your bf, im on your side,whatever you need, im here". Since when did those words become soooo difficult to find and say to your loved one. Maybe i dont necessarily even want your opinion, b/c i dont need it, its irrelevant , but being ignorant is beyond me. 
I guess thats why ive become one of those people that keep my private stuff private, lol besides here! I dont post on facebook, tell gossip, open my heart like i used to b/c ive learned it will very easily get stepped on, used against you etc. I guess i learned my lesson again, the hard way. Keep all my worries, my fears, my highs and my lows to myself, bc they arent appreciated, they are either ignored or made fun of. 
Thats fine, i can do that, but it  poses the question again , how can you have any type of long lasting or meaningful relationship if you keep losing trust over and over, only in a different way each time. Promises mean nothing without action. 
xoxox