Ill tell you i really didn't need this right now. It's the same old shit, different day. Just when you think things are gonna calm down, maybe settle down, etc, havoc starts up again and it's sooooo recognizable. It's the same as it always was. Maybe worse,So predictable, in every aspect of the situation. But you know what, the best thing for me to do right now and I'm so proud of myself for recognizing it, is to step back, far back, like miles back. Not get involved. Do nothing. You know how they say sometimes doing nothing is the best thing to do. Well, that time has come, and that is rare for me. It's usually hard to bc i like to get involved in shit and help etc but nahhh i can see this fire from a mile away and the farther away i am, the less burnt i'll get. And i really don't need to be getting damaged mentally , emotionally, shit, in any way. I can see it happening and i'm putting a stop to it now. Taking control. by doing nothing. Isn't it great. I guess when and if the smoke blows over something that resembles what once was may be salvageable. If not, what can i do. Not a damn thing. Gonna keep busy today around my room clean, paperwork, start a bullet journal, which i just discovered, oooh more crafts for me to do. I'll have fun.
Hugs T.
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Sunday, September 25, 2016
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Keep going, on my own!
I will say one thing about nursing,as a profession it totally gives you a real live view of life. Ive seen over the last 16 yrs ive been a nurse so many many things. Too many. Ive taken care of the sickest people and seen how quickly things can change , in the blink of an eye. So many people dont know what to expect , families, and to tell you the truth, no one knows until you have to do it. Thats why its so great when we are appreciated for our work, both physically and emotionally. The burden some of us carry, when we leave our work, is alot to handle. Ive learned to keep it at work, i have to. Its very hard but as long as you can keep it seperate, to a degree, its doable.
anyway on the home front, its the same, i still feel very overwhelmed with all life has to give me. Its so hard being just me, in charge of everything, everyone. People dont realize it, how overwhelming it can be. Thats why its nice to stick together. ive recently met a few good people, who know, like me that its great to have good friends stay close, in good and bad times. In the short time of meeting them, they have proven to be real friends, knowing when im down, a short talk on the phone, or a meet for coffee is all , it makes the world of difference. Having someone to just vent to, and listen to is a good feeling. We just help each other, since we are going through similar things in life.
I have lots to do, bills to pay, appointments to make,= as usual. life goes on....
HUGS
anyway on the home front, its the same, i still feel very overwhelmed with all life has to give me. Its so hard being just me, in charge of everything, everyone. People dont realize it, how overwhelming it can be. Thats why its nice to stick together. ive recently met a few good people, who know, like me that its great to have good friends stay close, in good and bad times. In the short time of meeting them, they have proven to be real friends, knowing when im down, a short talk on the phone, or a meet for coffee is all , it makes the world of difference. Having someone to just vent to, and listen to is a good feeling. We just help each other, since we are going through similar things in life.
I have lots to do, bills to pay, appointments to make,= as usual. life goes on....
HUGS
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Just another day!
Well its been forever since ive blogged, i guess i got lazy with it, didnt have too much good news to write and didnt want to be a downer. Not too much is new. Same old shit, different day. Im still trying to cope with this ADD, seems to get worse whenever it wants. As far as organization etc. I have bought so many organizational tools its out of control. Impulsive shopping to say the least. I certainly dont need it all, and then i go and give stuff away to people, but they dont mind!! Ive been slacking on my promptness with getting up and getting the kids to the bus on time. Im setting that straight from today on, thats so important. Spring break is next week so i have a break then anyhow.
As far as my social life goes, what social life? lol. Whatever i had of one is gone. No one to share alot of stuff in my life with, gfs at least. Oh well what am i gonna do, just deal, i been doing that at least. i think thats why i been down tho. Boredom. And when money is tight, which it has been b/c my pay was screwed up( my fault) b/c i forgot to put in for days i took off, didnt use any vac time bc i forgot so i didnt get paid DUH. So no shopping and just stress and worry for the past 2 weeks. I hate feeling so stressed with money. Thats when i feel the most alone, when i realize its just me, im the only one responsible for our life and our well being.
So many appts to make, things to follow up on. another stupid parking ticket- in my own development. Bc there isnt enough parking we have to park in an illegal spot sometimes and now they have the nerve that the admin calls the police to come ticket us. What bullshit. 70 dollars, and if i dont pay in 5 days it becomes 130, and you know i cant make it be done in 5 days, not me lol. Shopping is just a short term happiness but i love it. Calls to make, and i hate talking on phone. if i can do it online, its done. talking just sucks. So hopefully ill have more fun things to discuss. ill try.
HUGS xoxo
As far as my social life goes, what social life? lol. Whatever i had of one is gone. No one to share alot of stuff in my life with, gfs at least. Oh well what am i gonna do, just deal, i been doing that at least. i think thats why i been down tho. Boredom. And when money is tight, which it has been b/c my pay was screwed up( my fault) b/c i forgot to put in for days i took off, didnt use any vac time bc i forgot so i didnt get paid DUH. So no shopping and just stress and worry for the past 2 weeks. I hate feeling so stressed with money. Thats when i feel the most alone, when i realize its just me, im the only one responsible for our life and our well being.
So many appts to make, things to follow up on. another stupid parking ticket- in my own development. Bc there isnt enough parking we have to park in an illegal spot sometimes and now they have the nerve that the admin calls the police to come ticket us. What bullshit. 70 dollars, and if i dont pay in 5 days it becomes 130, and you know i cant make it be done in 5 days, not me lol. Shopping is just a short term happiness but i love it. Calls to make, and i hate talking on phone. if i can do it online, its done. talking just sucks. So hopefully ill have more fun things to discuss. ill try.
HUGS xoxo
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Lets try this again!
Hi everyone, lets try this again, with no rude comments please! As i stated before, if you dont like it, dont read it. And for sure, dont comment when you have no clue what you are talking about. So there, starting fresh.
Well it really snowed, not alot but alot for SE pa. We rarely see snow anymore. Its that global warming , so they say. I miss the old winters, going out to play in the snow, careless days. But it is pretty. I didnt even touch my car yet. I guess i should before i try and drive it. Maybe some nice soul dusted it off for me, doubt it haha. You know its been very hard trying to get my body back on a regular schedule. It still wants to be up at night, and sleep during the day. And the sleep i get during the day is wonderful, just as good as any nighttime sleep. Ive tried everything. I mean i do it, obviuosly but my body always wants a nap and then im up at night. I gotta work harder to change it, i dont mind it all that much but i want to be alive when everyone else is.
Ive always had issues where im just exhausted, so tired from nothing. Like a weight is holding me down and i CANT possibly do anything , normal stuff. My bloodwork has never been bad, although i havent had any in like 10 yrs lol, but ive always been this way. Then when i get energy i use it like crazy, all at once. i never can figure out why i get so drained from nothing. I do think that the longer i sleep the worse i am, but i always thought my body must need it if i sleep that much. Who knows. But it stinks. its hard to describe the tiredness i get. My brain is ready to go, my body cant cooperate. Im thinking i should start reg exercising again. I do here and there but nothing regular. Besides being good for me, i hear it does bring up your energy level. A body in motion stays in motion! So i better get moving lol.
xoxo T.
Well it really snowed, not alot but alot for SE pa. We rarely see snow anymore. Its that global warming , so they say. I miss the old winters, going out to play in the snow, careless days. But it is pretty. I didnt even touch my car yet. I guess i should before i try and drive it. Maybe some nice soul dusted it off for me, doubt it haha. You know its been very hard trying to get my body back on a regular schedule. It still wants to be up at night, and sleep during the day. And the sleep i get during the day is wonderful, just as good as any nighttime sleep. Ive tried everything. I mean i do it, obviuosly but my body always wants a nap and then im up at night. I gotta work harder to change it, i dont mind it all that much but i want to be alive when everyone else is.
Ive always had issues where im just exhausted, so tired from nothing. Like a weight is holding me down and i CANT possibly do anything , normal stuff. My bloodwork has never been bad, although i havent had any in like 10 yrs lol, but ive always been this way. Then when i get energy i use it like crazy, all at once. i never can figure out why i get so drained from nothing. I do think that the longer i sleep the worse i am, but i always thought my body must need it if i sleep that much. Who knows. But it stinks. its hard to describe the tiredness i get. My brain is ready to go, my body cant cooperate. Im thinking i should start reg exercising again. I do here and there but nothing regular. Besides being good for me, i hear it does bring up your energy level. A body in motion stays in motion! So i better get moving lol.
xoxo T.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Acquaintances arent that bad, right??
I try to be a good friend, i really do care when people confide in me ,when they tell me about their joys and sorrows, i can keep a secret, i;ll never deny help to anyone and i love to help out-be needed- make it better. It makes me feel good to know im making a difference,etc. Probably why im a nurse. So why is it that i come across as selfish and that its all about me? I dont want any answers really! Its not a real question to you!! lol.
I dont know how there could be such a discrepancy . And if so, how in the heck do i fix it if i dont see it. I've gone to therapy over the years, ive been through alot in my 39 yrs of life, and in the past few years i've grown to really like /love myself . I got tired of beating myself up for things i cant change. Ive always stood up for myself but now i think i believe it more. Yes, i have flaws and i have insecurities and i may not believe in myself as much as i used to ( in my younger years) but i've matured in the fact that I really dont care if you like what i say or what i wear , i like myself and im not changing for anyone. If you dont like me, its your loss. It may be like i said in my last post, maybe i dont ACT happy enough or seem that i care enough. Maybe its that im too sarcastic and people dont really know if im kidding or not. People mistake what i mean alot, if im your friend, i never mean to speak ill of you or make fun of you. If people really got to know me, they would know its just my demeanor , and actions speak louder than words, or the tone of words.
So, at any rate, I reach out, i try to be a friend, a real one. Making friends is harder than it used to be. Im not around moms anymore like i was when my kids were younger and doing tons of activities. I dont belong to any clubs, I take care of my kids, go to work, and really just try to get by everyday. You know its like the sayings, you cant cheat a cheater, or you cant lie to a liar (yes i just made that up lol) i see things for what they are, i see people for what they are, im very aware.
So when do i stop trying? (again, not a real question). I dont want to stop but how many times can i open myself up and get nothing in return. How many attempts at finding a really good friend, one that doesnt ignore me or talk about me, or leave me in the dust, do i make. its so disheartening. The only positive i can take from it is that if i only have acquaintances and nothing more, i cant be hurt as bad. I just have to make that choice, put that wall back up and leave it at that.
HUGS
T.
I dont know how there could be such a discrepancy . And if so, how in the heck do i fix it if i dont see it. I've gone to therapy over the years, ive been through alot in my 39 yrs of life, and in the past few years i've grown to really like /love myself . I got tired of beating myself up for things i cant change. Ive always stood up for myself but now i think i believe it more. Yes, i have flaws and i have insecurities and i may not believe in myself as much as i used to ( in my younger years) but i've matured in the fact that I really dont care if you like what i say or what i wear , i like myself and im not changing for anyone. If you dont like me, its your loss. It may be like i said in my last post, maybe i dont ACT happy enough or seem that i care enough. Maybe its that im too sarcastic and people dont really know if im kidding or not. People mistake what i mean alot, if im your friend, i never mean to speak ill of you or make fun of you. If people really got to know me, they would know its just my demeanor , and actions speak louder than words, or the tone of words.
So, at any rate, I reach out, i try to be a friend, a real one. Making friends is harder than it used to be. Im not around moms anymore like i was when my kids were younger and doing tons of activities. I dont belong to any clubs, I take care of my kids, go to work, and really just try to get by everyday. You know its like the sayings, you cant cheat a cheater, or you cant lie to a liar (yes i just made that up lol) i see things for what they are, i see people for what they are, im very aware.
So when do i stop trying? (again, not a real question). I dont want to stop but how many times can i open myself up and get nothing in return. How many attempts at finding a really good friend, one that doesnt ignore me or talk about me, or leave me in the dust, do i make. its so disheartening. The only positive i can take from it is that if i only have acquaintances and nothing more, i cant be hurt as bad. I just have to make that choice, put that wall back up and leave it at that.
HUGS
T.
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