Tightrope

With all the shit going on lately  and all I've managed to remain relatively calm and in control. I'll tell you finances really can reek havoc
It just seems that lately my mind is elsewhere. I kinda checked out and I'm starting to see the effects of that now  the effects of me kind of checking out or taking care of shit half assed .  And now it feels like I keep myself busy busy busy. Spring cleaning A LOT. And when I stop for a minute my head starts to spin with thoughts of how I need to be doing so many other things to keep my household going as it has been. The boys have been great , I really would love to find something g special to do with them. It's very hard to keep a balance. It's like walking a tightrope !

Rain rain go away.

Somehow this always happens. No matter how much money I have I'm always paying bills when I get the notice that they are going to disconnect and turn off my services. It's like I feel untouchable and then find out I'm the same as every other person out there. At least in one way or another! Money is so tight right now. Some\/ I mean every day I wonder how I'm going to make out. My doctor says back surgery is an option that I really need to explore. Only thing is I have a few areas on my spine and then he said there is a chance the surgery won't work at all. I'm scared of anything touching my spine  sounds weird but that's me. So I guess those 18 years of nursing really did a number on me. Just turned 42 and I never expected that I would be in this place. Just a little rant , in which I could go on and on with different subject matter but I'll save that for a rainy day. I think it's supposed to rain all day tomorrow lol. So get ready! !! lol.
Xoxo hugs
T.

No time for pain.

I just went shopping , finally got some money and went food shopping and for other bathroom, kitchin stuff. Ah i loved it. THere were a few things i was going to get, had my hands on them ` going in the cart when .. i thought for a minute, Im getting paid tomorrow and i still need to pay some overdue bills so id better wait, pay the bills and then use extra to buy stuff for ME . A few things like , well who knows, i may even change my mind by tomorrow so its better i waited. A cure for my impulsiveness, thinking of no electricity haha
So the boys helped me bring in the 100 bags, they always give you so many bags at Target. I put the cold stuff away, now have everything else still. My back is killing me, only had my injections 12 days ago and im in pain, im gonna try and call her tomorrow, she told me to if it acted up. Sometimes all the pain medecine in the world wont help this back pain. Its such a different pain . And i still have to put alot away, finish wash, vaccum, kitty litter, dishwasher and dishes and then work 2 12's this weekend in ICU. Im screwed, if you cant tell. When my back hurts like this, im miserable. i wanna cry , well i do sometimes. like right now, im thinking and im hurting and im tearing up. Im on the couch watching the end of Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion and drinking my Starbucks Frappachino plugging in my heating pad. The rest will wait, its not going anywhere tonight and neither am i. Its a shame i dont have any help , isnt it???? Well hey, im not letting this ruin my
shopping high. lol