Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Here comes a rant...

OK, are you ready for a rant because if not, you may as well not read any further.  I know the saying "God only gives you as much as you can handle" and I really was a believer in that. Ive been through rough times in my life, trust me and although they looked very grim, somehow i managed to get through it and learn from it and move on.  But lately, i dont know what is going on, i keep getting slammed with shit, excuse my french.  Its like I keep hitting a brick wall. Everything that looks promising and like it will work out great is just a big old joke. Its like i get my hopes up ( not too much b/c i am a glass half empty kind of chic) , and right when it looks sunny and bright it not only pours but its a hurricaine!  I am really in a position right now where i am so confused , its like the answers seem easy, to anyone else, sure just do x, y and z and it will all work out. But its so much more complicated than that. I thought it was hard losing my husband, my best friend for the past 22 years, but as the years go by without him - its been 3 July 1. it keeps getting harder and harder, to function as a single parent with two boys and when the shit hits the fan, its bad. 
I think i could keep saying the same things over and over in differnt words, but its of no use. I know that i will get through this, but at what cost? Losing my mind, my health, my sanity. It just cannot get any worse or i dont know what. Ill pride myself that years ago, i may have thrown in the towel, thought bad thoughts, went into a deep hole, but not now, i mean yes im losing it but i cant, not with the two loves of my life beside me , counting on me, as they should b/c behind all the parental guilt i feel, there isnt a bond like that of a mother and her boys. I gotta keep going. Just keep me in your thoughts, please xoxo