Saturday, June 15, 2013

Sub-par is all i can be.

I think as im  becoming more depressed over all this im also becoming very hateful of the people that have wronged me and/or the people that pretended to be my friend yet have either backstabbed me or in some way hurt me by not being there or caring.Im becoming a hateful person and thats not who i want to be. But im looking at these people and their lives and how much either fun they are having or places they have gone, as i sit here in my home, with zero dollars and not much of a future at this time. Ive taken my boys nowhere, i never had the money. I cant do anything fun with them, i dont have the money. We spend alot of good time together and thats what we have, its blissful. But its sub-par to the mother i wish to be.  Actually im sub-par to the person i wish to be, its hard to change t hings that are out of your control. I guess i should just keep to myself because every time i make friends and let them in, i get hurt, whether it be on purpose or by neglect but im tired of it. Im tired of fighting for nothing. It should have been me,