Monday, April 29, 2013

life changes

I just turned 41 almost a month ago, and talk about mid life crisis lol. I really thought id already had one , if so then  this is a continuance i didn't expect nor invite. So many things have been happening to me, out of my control and up till now i think ive handled them very well. At this point now i've just about had it and im feeling really ugly (for lack of a better word) about it.  The thing is i dont know how to fix it anymore. And ive been bombarded with decisions to make, important ones that are life altering.  I mean sometimes im like ugh who cares, dont worry so much, life goes on, every day something is different, something happens, you cant always control things and the unexpected ALWAYS seems to come up when you think it is copacetic. I have so many forms to fill out, phone calls to take, appointments to make, and im starting to feel overwhelmed. As far as my ADHD goes, it can be stifiling at times.  With procrastination being one of my key problems, and with time being of the issue, im starting to feel the heat. And instead of getting the adrenaline, get going feeling, i get overwhelmed and stop dead in my tracks, i find many ways to put it on the back burner and cloud it with everyday mundane tasks i have to do. Reality of it sucks. It just brings me down. God if i sit here, i panic, because i have SOOOOO much to do, and really i have to do it all myself. Yeah instead of writing and complaining i could be doing, but when i tell you i cant write now, i cant. im just so disheartened by the things going on in my world, life seems so unfair but at the same time, i cant say that bc we are all healthy, and we have a roof over our heads ( for now lol) but things are worse in the world. Its just in our world, my world, things are very rough and its scary that im the one responsible for it all. Well enough of that, i gotta go. 
HUGS xoxo