Sunday, July 14, 2013

No more friends

INow I remember why I don't have any friends. It's the borderline personality in me. It's the fear of rejection , and the feelings I get when I feel even a twinge of rejection. I throw myself all in and I guess I expect too much in return. Then when I don't get it I get hurt too bad. It's not even worth it. I feel sometimes that I'm so desperate to have a friend that ill jump through hoops to keep them. Not intentionally but my kind hear redness just takes over and I'm happy to make someone else happy. It's really no big deal for me but it seems I get forgotten about way too easily. It just doesn't seem fair. I give and I get stepped on. All for wanting a friend. Is it even worth it to try. I don't think so bc I've learned this lesson before , just not well enough. I don't want much just not to feel like I'm being used , to feel a genuine friendship in return. I guess this is the last time because I'd rather just go on bring a loner than to keep getting hurt over and over and it's like there is no gray area. It's black or white. So I give up now again forever this time