I gotta move mountains

So not much has gone on , day was a blur, slept late , then went out with kids, came home, cleaned , tv, kids, etc. Not really anything productive. I feel a little tired right now, but only my eyes. Not my body or mind. I put some xmas stuff away. I barely decorated this year, it was bad. So i dont have much to put away but i think im done with the holiday this year. maybe it will be better next year.
Im back, sorry i took a lil break and did a few things. Need to finish my makeup but not this minute.YOu know what i hate, the fact that im up at night and i could be doing a million things, as far as cleaning goes, but we live on a one floor. so its like i have fear of waking everyone up if i make noise in the kitchin or the bathroom etc. I wish we had a bigger place, then i wouldnt mind but lol, then id have more to clean,! so i guess you cant win. Ill just shut the doors to everyone and go. I mean no one every wakes up but i feel like im on tip toe just to clean , of all things. Ive come to realize that im ocd about cleaning. and so many things now skeeve me that never did before.  Like just stuff , that needs to be cleaned, nothing really gross, just normal things, now make me feel really yucky and i have to clean them wheras before it wasnt a huge deal. Great, im progressively getting worse, not better! And with my ADD i feel like i have to have everything in order, tho it just becomes piles and papers and folders and binders etc, get the drift?
Well i have alot to do, i had my bf's son with us this week, and hes 8. so i had 4 males and me in this place and you know, sometimes men arent as particular as I am. At least the ones here arent. So i have my hands full. Wish me luck.
Hugs T.

Deep in a hole.

Im sure my writing will pick up, i just havent been in the mood and in fact ive kinda been depressed. Ok i said it! More like BLAH than deep depression. Just bored, tired, lazy, uninterested, unenthusiastic . Sometimes i think that i actually have set my expectations of what "happy" feels like too high. Maybe this is what it should feel like, so why do i expect so much more. When i was little , even then, i was never an enthusiastic child. I would say thank you and everyone would be like- you could be a little more happy looking or something stupid like that. When you get to know me, my little thank you could mean I LOVE IT. I just dont show it well enough. So, ive grown up that way. Who the hell knows what happy is anyway.
Im trying to get out of this rut, soon i will. I just dont feel very in control of things right now, and being a perfectionist- in my mind- nothing is right. Things have gotten out of my control and its KILLING me. Cant blame anyone but myself but im allowed to complain lol. I've just got to concentrate on getting control back. I know i can, but this rut is in a way bc of that also. One big hole im in,
HUGS