Money makes my world go round

Well here I am , im using my new samsung galaxy notepad. Myself being an apple person its somewhat difficult to work with this. I love it but I still need to get used to it. Ive been spending alot of money lately , hencd the samsung lol. Its money I earned and im only spending alot in the beginning and then ill stop and invest some so I have some for retirement. But ill tell you spending money is such a high for me. Its just a feeling I get that is irreplaceable. So anyways I bought alot. I also finished school shopping for the boys. And really I can do my xmas shopping now  usually I get it finished on xmas eve lol but this year I can be on the ball. Everything else in life is status quo. I really need to work on my schoolwork and commit more to it  ive slept so much the past couple of days so now ill be up for a few. Its such a crazy to live but my body clock has changed. Another goal to work on. Ill put it on my to do list. Im sure I have more than one app here on my new tablet lol.
Hugs xoxo

The Latte Mommy: Stand up for yourself!

The Latte Mommy: Stand up for yourself!: why in the world would any woman let themselves be controlled by a man.  I dont understand, i do understand how people change, they may have...

Stand up for yourself!

why in the world would any woman let themselves be controlled by a man.  I dont understand, i do understand how people change, they may have not always have been a controlling man but then turned into one and you got blindsided. I can understand how you can love someone and want them to change, thinking they will lose their controlling ways, i can understanding that people get in bad , hard situations in life and lose alot, therefore depending on their man. Really we are all a step away from poverty, bad things happen and if you dont have a skill, a great job or a hefty savings account, you could be on the street. No one wants to be in a controlling relationship, i know people get used to it and its all they know so it really doesnt seem so bad. But COME ON, as a woman who is independant as hell, i cant see how anyone can let themselves be controlled by a man, who their friends are, where they can go, how long they can be out, always being watched, video taped, easdropped on, as if their mate should know their every movement and feeling. As individuals we are allowed to have our own ideas, our own voice and pretty much in any relationship we should be able to come and go as we please. If your mate is doing something bad, or you think they are cheating, they are going to do it whether you are watching them like big brother or not. Its just insane, the advances women have made, its like the stone ages. In my life so far, 41 years, ive NEVER depended on a man. Im independent and i love it. The minute i got in that kind of relationship, id be out the door. kids in tow.  With all the people in the world ,, we should all be happy, this is all there is. no repeats, you have to do it right, And with women banding together and helping each other get out of bad relationships and on the road to living alone , getting their life in order, it shouldnt be too hard. Alone, yes but with friends and family, its possible. I just am at the point in my life that i see life is precious and i would never ever live with someone i hate, or just pacify anyone. No one cares about you like you care about yourself.

no im not chewing gum!!

One thing that is really strange is that I used to have this "tic" as they are called, its like a movement that you cannot help doing know matter how hard you try, its annoying and distracting , etc get the hint. Well mine is like chewing the side of my mouth, looks like im chewing gum but im not. I end up hurting my mouth and tongue tho and its nonstop.  They say its the unwanted side effect of certain medications that you may have taken in the past/ Its best to stop the drug but that doesn't mean the side effect will go away. I was living with this for a long time and it creates SOOO much anxiety in me. Im taking a medication that somehow holds it down, makes the tic stop, most of the time. Now it stopped for a couple years and now it started again., seems to me the med has nothing to do with it, but i dont know what to do. Ive seen docs etc. no treatment for tics really!  So, i thought maybe stress, but im not more stressed now lmao.. or maybe its body stress, my face is breaking out alot. I dont know its just hard to live like this. constantly biting the inside of my mouth until im so sore i cant talk.  So there's my grouch for today. And pay attention to your medication side effects, they may just come true

The Latte Mommy: down a slope

The Latte Mommy: down a slope: I don't know what is wrong with me anymore.  I guess its just life, stress and the realization that now at 41, everything is on the rock...

down a slope

I don't know what is wrong with me anymore.  I guess its just life, stress and the realization that now at 41, everything is on the rocks. I mean im like thinking that life should have been set on cruise by now considering the life i led up until now. I had enough life events, enough drama enough loss, hard work etc.  Like somewhere down the line, my life made a left turn and it hasnt ever gotten back on track. I can definitely name specific circumstances that made an impact on my life, either i learned from it or just dealt with it but it looks from the outside that im repeating shit. Am i that stressed, like what happened?

No more friends

INow I remember why I don't have any friends. It's the borderline personality in me. It's the fear of rejection , and the feelings I get when I feel even a twinge of rejection. I throw myself all in and I guess I expect too much in return. Then when I don't get it I get hurt too bad. It's not even worth it. I feel sometimes that I'm so desperate to have a friend that ill jump through hoops to keep them. Not intentionally but my kind hear redness just takes over and I'm happy to make someone else happy. It's really no big deal for me but it seems I get forgotten about way too easily. It just doesn't seem fair. I give and I get stepped on. All for wanting a friend. Is it even worth it to try. I don't think so bc I've learned this lesson before , just not well enough. I don't want much just not to feel like I'm being used , to feel a genuine friendship in return. I guess this is the last time because I'd rather just go on bring a loner than to keep getting hurt over and over and it's like there is no gray area. It's black or white. So I give up now again forever this time