Feeling down and out!

Well school is out, we got through this horrible year, actually one year to Mike's death is coming soon , July 1st. Not a day i want to remember but one i will never forget. I've become very somber lately, just not me, well me in a way but not the way i know i can be (get it?) Im just so emotionally, mentally,physically exhausted. I know i need to keep the boys moving, learning etc, they cant just play video games all summer- well they could and would!! I need some motivation, and numerous lattes are not cutting it lol! I guess its time for another type of adjustment in my life. Im just so inconsistent. And i want to be just the opposite. I yearn for it, crave it, organization, motivation, energy, spirit, etc. Nothing- i check again, Nothing!