I guess its time to face it all !

Well, this year is almost over. THANK GOD. I dont think it was one of the best. I remember last year i was so ready for the new year. I kept believing that all the misery and sadness of mike dying would disappear and the boys and I would lead a normal, fun, new year where we were all productive and our problems would lessen. WRONG!!! . I kept saying, i cant wait for the new year, fresh start. NOPE. Just a day in the life. Now a year later, i dont know how i feel.
I am anticipating a great New year again. 2012. Its time we get it together. We've spent long enough in this mode. I've got to get it together and start being what i need to be. Doing what i need to do- when i need to do it. Im strong, i can do it. Whenever ive been down id always say, im a strong independent woman and i can do anything. Well its true. Ive just got in this hole and ive stayed there too long. Ive been trying to climb out but... now i guess i have no excuses lol. There are so many things i want to do, fix, work on, etc. If i dont do it , i never will, and i will continue to feel the guilt that i do. And its not worth it! 
Guilt is one of those horrible feelings that really dont do much for anyone. Its just bad no matter what. I need to release it all and realize i am doing my best, b/c i am. I am only one person, b/c i am. I can change alot of things but there are things i cant change, no matter how hard i wish i could. Wish me luck!
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012  

My tree stays up till Feb.

Seems to me that i havent been very interesting lately, well let me think of something interesting to tell you. hmmm, see i dont lead the most interesting life at this point. I mean there isnt much going on that would interest you. still have alot of junk surrounding me that i need to clean. lots of chores that are never ending. Im still watching Greys anatomy, im now on season 3- i get bummed out knowing one day ill be done. tHEN what.
Its great, its so chilly out and i have my fireplace going. Toasty, hey never thought of it, but maybe i could make smores there lol. Speaking of, ive got to get to Linvilla. I need pumpkins and i need mums. Ive got to get in the spirit. Ive got to find the rest of my halloweeen decorations. Ive Always been a decorater for the holidays, I put out stuff really early. I start to listen to xmas music, as soon as it starts, november usually. Ive kept my xmas tree up until feb once lol. Once the holidays come it feels so nice. I guess since Mike died, holidays are different, not so homey, toasty, kind of empty. But ill try, ill go look for my halloween stuff right now!!!