Saturday, December 31, 2011

I guess its time to face it all !

Well, this year is almost over. THANK GOD. I dont think it was one of the best. I remember last year i was so ready for the new year. I kept believing that all the misery and sadness of mike dying would disappear and the boys and I would lead a normal, fun, new year where we were all productive and our problems would lessen. WRONG!!! . I kept saying, i cant wait for the new year, fresh start. NOPE. Just a day in the life. Now a year later, i dont know how i feel.
I am anticipating a great New year again. 2012. Its time we get it together. We've spent long enough in this mode. I've got to get it together and start being what i need to be. Doing what i need to do- when i need to do it. Im strong, i can do it. Whenever ive been down id always say, im a strong independent woman and i can do anything. Well its true. Ive just got in this hole and ive stayed there too long. Ive been trying to climb out but... now i guess i have no excuses lol. There are so many things i want to do, fix, work on, etc. If i dont do it , i never will, and i will continue to feel the guilt that i do. And its not worth it! 
Guilt is one of those horrible feelings that really dont do much for anyone. Its just bad no matter what. I need to release it all and realize i am doing my best, b/c i am. I am only one person, b/c i am. I can change alot of things but there are things i cant change, no matter how hard i wish i could. Wish me luck!