Tuesday, September 13, 2016

The good, the bad and the ugly.

Well i said goodbye to my car, my 03 explorer.  It had run its course and i needed money so i sent it to the salvage yard, kinda like heaven for cars. lol. I'll miss it but i have a nice new car so its all good.  I can't believe the kids just started school and tomorrow night is already back to school night. This should be very interesting as both of them are in high school so i'll literally have to be in two places at once! You  know usually the mom will go to one and the dad will go to the other, not happening. Every year i get really depressed at back to school night. I see moms and dads and it makes me miss Mike so  much. Every damn year it's the same feeling, it's so unfair that he can't be here to watch his kids in high school, he'd be so proud of them, like i am. I just have to believe that he is up there with me when i go, he's up there watching them in school , the good , bad and the ugly. 
At any rate, things are kinda quiet around here, i guess that's good, no drama. But it's also very lonely. Ill tell you, within a room full of people i'm lonely.  There is always an inner turmoil sitting there. Never just peace. I'm seriously thinking of starting yoga or meditating. I could join a class, or do it alone but it seems when you join a class you are more likely to commit yourself. I need to be taught how to shut my brain down, how to shut the negative thoughts down, and how to stop the hamster wheel.  There is always about 10 things stirring in my head. most of them are problems i need to solve. or that damn to do list that will never ever end let alone get smaller instead of longer every day.  I often wonder, do other people have these issues, or is it me, just me. I know a lot of people do but is there a group of people out there that is so happy or are they just so good at hiding it.  who knows. its their secret. Well i'm off right now to get moving on the to do list, stare at my calendar some more. etc. 
Luv T.