Can't win

I hate the fact that when I actually take the pain meds thst pain management perscribed me , the Pain goes awar but im left zombified for hours. There is no happy medium that will satisfy I mean when I have bad Back pain I can barely function and want to cry I was supposed to have an appt with a new doc. Arthritis doc and I've been waiting forever and finally got the appt ang Ii overslept. Missed it. Im so screwed. I was thinking he'd have done new ideas for me. Damned if I do. Damned if don't !!

The Latte Mommy: Dont grow up so fast, little one.

The Latte Mommy: Dont grow up so fast, little one.: w hat to do , what to do. My 11 year old has the mind of a 30 something yr old man. He has always been ahead , its always felt like you were...

Dont grow up so fast, little one.

what to do , what to do. My 11 year old has the mind of a 30 something yr old man. He has always been ahead , its always felt like you were talking to an adult, not a child, Normal childhood games and experiences never really applied to him, and now he is realizing it. He worries so much, about money, about me, about life. Its as if he is carrying the weight of the world on his little shoulders. My boys have been through alot of different and hard things in their lives. They are good boys and im so proud of them. I know it must be partly my fault, b/c how would he be worrying about money if he hadnt heard me complain about not having any. He often feels guilty for nothing. I just want him to have more self confidence and i try to instill it. I want to take his worries away, he has his whole life to worry. ive tried getting him a therapist before, but he clams up when he gets there, he doesnt talk about that stuff, i guess i need to find someone he really can bond with. Im trying my best, but i cant fix everything, even as a parent. Guess ill be searching for a new therapist in the morning. Poor kid. so cute, 

Sick times suck !

I feel like crap. Just sick all over. I hate feeling this way. I just want it to end!! Sorry that's all I have for now , I'm hoping to go see fireworks tonight with the kids , as long as I feel a little better!!

The Latte Mommy: Where did "I"go?

The Latte Mommy: Where did "I"go?: Im wondering why my ADHD sometimes get out of control, when my meds havent changed and i thought i was on the right  path. I seem to get int...

Where did "I"go?

Im wondering why my ADHD sometimes get out of control, when my meds havent changed and i thought i was on the right  path. I seem to get into a funk that lasts a few days, i dont want to touch anything. Then comes the next days where i freak out b/c nothing is in the right place, wash isnt put away, piles of mail are sitting , so i go full force and try to fix it all, irritated all the while but pleased when i finish. So why cant i stay like that all the time, or at least 90%. Life seems to be throwing some curve balls at me but im not one to hide from that, i keep on, just go go go. Lately ive been trying to figure out what it is that im missing, i think i just devote so much of my thinking to my kids or my home or my job that i lost the woman i was. I have lost interest in alot of things i used to do. Finding happiness has become very hard and im searching high and low, but when i have a set back as above, and am inactive lol, for a few days, i lose sight of the goal and the prize. You cant really live when its half a week! I have been sad alot lately, tears now and then, which i hate to admit. Feels weak. I dont know, seems time has betrayed me, its a concept i cant put in more words than that, its a feeling i just know. I really miss Mike, more than anyone can imagine, and bc i dont talk about it much or advertise it, i dont think anyone really knows the depths of my sorrow, my soul was ripped in half and taken away. I;ll never get that back . I cant wallow in it, but its an unimaginable pain that i bear everyday, and looking at my children makes me both happy and sad. i see mike in them more every day. Bittersweet to say the least. Im going to try and find me again, i dont see another choice!

This is where I've been

Have you looked at your life where you have been, what you've accomplished , where you are now ? Does it surprise you or make you proud? I do it every now and then. When I come to certain periods in my life, like now at the age of 40. I hate sounding ungrateful , I mean I have my health , a roof over my head , 2 great children , a car and parents. But something is definitely missing. This is really no where close to where I ever thought I would be. I guess I thought I would have more of a normal life. A house, my husband and happiness. Contentment. Thats what's missing the most. I'm not settled I'm not content I'm not done. So many things I'd thought I'd be doing or I thought I'd accomplish by now. I know I'm the only one that can change my life and I'm the only one to make things happen but I guess I've become stuck , not feeling able to make my dreams come true like I used to feel. I've lost the confidence and the fight I once had in me. It's scary to think that this is it. I can't imagine that this is where I will stay. That this is the extent oft happiness. It can't be. I suppose I need to really look in myself to find the answers and find what I need to keep going. It's so hard.