The Latte Mommy: Feeling abandoned and grouchy!!

The Latte Mommy: Feeling abandoned and grouchy!!: Im getting really tired of feeling this way. I guess its resorting back to the time in my life where i often felt abandoned. Or maybe its bc...

Feeling abandoned and grouchy!!

Im getting really tired of feeling this way. I guess its resorting back to the time in my life where i often felt abandoned. Or maybe its bc im in a foul mood. Im very irritable and everyone and everything is getting on my nerves. I dont know if its just me or what. I cant tolerate much these days. Too much noise, never alone to just sit or do anything. In charge of everything, responsible for everything and im just tired of it. Im thinking i need to pick up extra time at work for money- xmas, yet someone else is just sitting here on there azz playing video games. wtf.  
So anyway abandoned yes, like if i make friends, or start a friendship or even an old one. If that person is there like alot, every day etc to talk to  - it feels good. i feel appreciated, needed, wanted, special. RIGHT. So when that person disappears for a couple days, weeks etc i take it personally. I know that they dont owe me anything, i may not even know them well, but to me its like they left me b/c they didnt like me enough. I said or i did something wrong. I wasnt important enough. To feel like a real friend i want to be there everyday in some way. I've always wanted a best friend. Havent had one in a long time. Maybe bc im too needy or i expect too much. But then i wonder, why arent there other people out there that feel like me, and if there are, why havent i come across them yet? 
Ive got so much to do. SOOO much, i often feel overwhelmed, it feels like too much for me. But i dont ask for much help. I dont want to ask for it, it should be there for me. But i guess  since i always do it all, ill always be expected to keep doing it all. and i dont feel appreciated by anyone. 
Im very sad. and IRRITABLE. \
Hope this passes soon.
Hugs T.

The Latte Mommy: You're so vain.

The Latte Mommy: You're so vain.: You know that song/ Youre so vain. Its an old song i forget who sings it. BUt it rings true. Some people always assume the worst. I guess i...

You're so vain.

You know that song/ Youre so vain.  Its an old song i forget who sings it. BUt it rings true. Some people always assume the worst. I guess i may be one of those people, and maybe thats why it bothers me so much. You know when you hear people whisper behind you, are you one of those people who automatically think its about you> i am. Paranoid in one way, and arrogant in another, like you think you are that important that everyone is talking about you! Its so vain ! I think the best thing we should do is ignore it, i dont care what other people say behind my back. they probably have no clue what they are talking about. But i see how bad it is to automatically deduce they are talking about me. NOT everything is about you. Dont assume, its not fair to others.
xo T.

The Latte Mommy: Real friends? is there really

The Latte Mommy: Real friends? is there really: You know what really bothers me, when you have a friend, who would prefer to tell Facebook rather than you about whatever is new in their li...

Real friends? is there really

You know what really bothers me, when you have a friend, who would prefer to tell Facebook rather than you about whatever is new in their life. I mean i understand social networking and the fun of it all. You could tell both ya know. I just wish i had someone as my friend that thought "i cant wait to tell "T" rather than, "oh i gotta post this on facebook!"
Maybe its me, maybe it just goes back to the beliefs i have, i try and get interested and involved in my friends lives, i wanna be there for them, so i believe they will be there for me. Karma thing. But it just seems no one is receptive anymore. Maybe i dont do it right! Maybe they dont know or care to know. I have no idea. Its lonely without friends, i mean the real ones too. Shoot i have a million "friends" acquaintances, etc. I mean the real deal. So hard to find, and keep happy. Maybe ill figure it out one day, maybe not. 
T.

The Latte Mommy: Can we do it?

The Latte Mommy: Can we do it?: I often wonder who is visiting my blog. Its just strange how many different people get here and read my stuff. I love it but i wish there we...

Can we do it?

I often wonder who is visiting my blog. Its just strange how many different people get here and read my stuff. I love it but i wish there were more comments or followers, everyone likes to feel wanted lol.  So im still dealing with my new diagnosis of arthritis. It just sucks being so young and having a disabling illness. It is controllable but it doesnt get better. Well i guess i should add it to the list. I really need to follow up on so many things with my health. Being the only parent now, i should be making it a priority. I was always scared to find out things that were wrong with me, id rather just deal and not know but now i have to take more responsibility for my health and do the right thing. So i have to go to the dentist, get my eyes checked ( i need glasses), get bloodwork done, start exercising more, eat right, blah blah blah. Its hard to stay in good health lol
I wish i had more good things to say , i really do. I try. ive found a great website, and its all about being more positive . well its really a blog called "The missing piece" http://guideusto.blogspot.com/. Its wonderful, and i wish i could print it all out and make a scrapbook or something out of it. I'd have the boys read it too, we all need a little optimism and learning how to be happy. I know my pessimism ( that ive had all my life) must rub off on them, shit it rubbed off from my parents to me. Im not always like that but the kids pick up on all kinds of stuff. Smart children i have lol.  i encourage everyone to check out that blog i mentioned. It may just give you a little hint of joy. Maybe i will make a scrapbook with it, since i do better with colors and patterns and flashy glittery things lol. And then i can read a piece of it all the time. Well the kids and i can together. Ill let you know how it turns out. Ill even take a picture of the finished project. With my ADHD i wouldnt count on seeing it finished too soon lol, maybe ill post a little at a time haha.
HUGS 
T. 

The Latte Mommy: Well, here we are again. Im trying out some differ...

The Latte Mommy: Well, here we are again. Im trying out some differ...: Well, here we are again. Im trying out some different colors and stuff here. Having ADHD ive learned that i do best if i make things colorfu...

Well, here we are again. Im trying out some different colors and stuff here. Having ADHD ive learned that i do best if i make things colorful, color coded, in lists, you know interesting to look at and remember. So lets see how this turns out, for the fun of it.
It was one of those days, back was killing me, beyond belief. So, i figured instead of going to the ER= I didnt feel that bad! I stopped in the Urgent care center- orthopedic. Its about two miles down the road from my house and id gone once before. They were pretty nice, so i gave it a shot. Had a really nice talk with the doctor, she ended up doing alot of xrays. AND, of course, i always thought that maybe i was imagining the pain, making it worse than it was, probably nothing wrong with me. BUT, apparently i have BAD thoracic back arthritis. YES, i said it ARTHRITIS. And im not even 40. wtf. I have a strong family hx of it and that is a huge factor. Im a woman, and ages 40-65 are prime. Esp those who have either had a back injury or do strenuous work with their back.- HELLO NURSING.  I was so bummed, she showed them to me. I knew what i felt wasnt nothing. It hurts, all the time, and now its a proven fact. Arthritis is painful, esp in your spine.  So i am supposed to do some core body strengthening exercises, PT, and pain management. Im so tired of being in pain. I hope this can get better. 
That was the excitement of my day. Yeah great news. Now i really want to go back to school, how can i continue to do this to my body for 20+ years.  I didnt get everything accomplished that i wished for but my back was pretty high on my list. I also went to a school event for the younger one. It was nice and he was happy i was there. So i still have many many phone calls and appts to make. Its so overwhelming . I managed to clean up the house. That feels nice. Cooked a nice dinner for the boys, etc. It wasnt a bad day.
On that note, really funny quick here, i just put this coconut milk, with jojaba oil on my bfs hair, and it needs to set, so i snuck into the bedroom and grabbed my flower shower cap and i snuck it on him and he had a fit- laughing that is!! I actually laughed= thats good for me.YEAH!!!  

The Latte Mommy: Productive day ahead!!

The Latte Mommy: Productive day ahead!!: I havent felt very good, so i wasnt ready or up to writing until now 630am lol. I just went to Starbucks and got my fav drink and one for la...

Productive day ahead!!

I havent felt very good, so i wasnt ready or up to writing until now 630am lol. I just went to Starbucks and got my fav drink and one for later lol. Its my fav place in the whole world. Nov 17-20 from 2-5p you can buy one holiday drink and get one free!! YEAH. THey just came out with their christmas cups, tumblers, mugs. I cant wait to get mine. So kids should be getting up soon, and off to school. One has a field trip. fun. The other has some type of publishing party. Im not sure if parents are supposed to go. hmmm. So i just emailed his teacher to make sure if im supposed to be there!  I am sad to say i havent done or followed through on any of the big things i started. Phone calls, meetings, etc.. That is so me and that is what im trying to change. Why cant i? They say it takes like 21 days or something like that to make a habit. So if i stay up in the daytime and make sure i accomplish one thing per day. Maybe if i even start walking every day. By 3 weeks it will be a habit. Thats not long at all. I can do that.
Its chilly out, a little rainy, i love this weather. Cool, cloudy, i either like it like that, or sunny, no inbetween stuff.
So Im back, i took a little break, went to Starbucks, got a little list going now. Gonna be productive today- i promise me and you. Ill let you know what i get done later, But im dressed, doing wash, kids off to school, straightening up, and drinking my fav frappachino . Starbucks has their xmas stuff - mugs out. Yeah!! i need a new tumbler for coffee.
Well wish me luck, im going to have a productive day!!!
HUGS
T.

The Latte Mommy: Ramblings...late night...

The Latte Mommy: Ramblings...late night...: Nothing more to do than blog lol. Its late and im awake, sure i am, you would be too if you slept all day. I dont mind tooo much but id lik...

Ramblings...late night...

Nothing more to do than blog lol. Its late and im awake, sure i am, you would be too if you slept all day. I dont mind tooo  much but id like to go shopping, maybe to Target, but its closed. Everywhere i want to go is closed. Oh well, only 6 more hours till morning. Actually i need to make a latte, i havent had one all day, im not sure if thats why i feel like i keep having these brain "zaps" like electrical shocks in my head, ive had them before, but that was when i discontinued Effexor, med for depression- that didnt work by the way. anyway, yes latte, brb.
ok, im back. with my latte. ah too hot to drink. Im really bored right now. I did a little cleaning and i cleaned alot yesterday. So it looks pretty good in here. I dont know what else to do right now. I rarely get like this. oh well. Maybe ill watch some greys anatomy. , hold on Ok, watching season 3 still on greys anatomy. I watch it on Hulu Plus
Anyway, im having a hard time tonight thinking of Mike, just alot of things running through my mind. I havent cried in a bit, but i am tonight. Tears just come. I cant help it. I dont want to cry cause i hate it. but i guess its healthy, right? I just wish it never happened and i wish Mike was here to help raise the boys. My wish wont come true in reality tho so i gotta face it . I'll be fine, just getting it out every now and then helps.Then tomorrow comes and i go on...
Hugs T.

The Latte Mommy: Buying pretty things.

The Latte Mommy: Buying pretty things.: Wow, i havent written here in awhile. I havent felt up to par. I've just about been getting by. I mean, its all good and im fine. Ive just b...

Buying pretty things.

Wow, i havent written here in awhile. I havent felt up to par. I've just about been getting by. I mean, its all good and im fine. Ive just been blah and even tho it would probably benefit me to write, i havent.  Ive been a homebody, havent gone out unless it was necessary. Boys got their flu shots, playdates went on. Doctors got seen, but it was a huge effort. Ive definitely gotten really behind on the cleaning, i mean its not Dirty but unkempt.  I think when your house is dirty, and i mean dirty smelly, it has to reflect on your outward appearance. Like i make sure i look presentable, well pretty darn good, every day that im going out or seeing people. Now i could have sweats on and still look good. I'd rather have on something nicer, b/c i do feel that what you wear and how you look on the outside helps you feel better on the inside and it shows.  Im getting irritated tho with my makeup. I used to wear Chanel and i had the whole gamete. It cost me and arm and a leg but i never got so many complements on my makeup. Then when it wore out, i never replaced it all. So i have this brand , that brand, etc. Then i pick up makeup i like at the store, online, etc. But its never been the same, and now that im getting older, its more important . Im going to replenish my Chanel makeup and thats that. It will make me feel better, hell, i never do anything for myself anyhow. Live!! Now on to cleaning lol.