Sunday, July 17, 2011

Dont question my mental illness!!!

Like its not bad enough that we have to deal with the fact that some of us are depressed or anxious or.... Bipolar. But please please dont question my mental illness. I have two specific instances when this happened, and it pissed me off. Now its not like im going around yelling ' hey im bipolar!!' but of course my family knows and some friends may know that i have had problems with depression over the years.And it is who i am, and at the age of 39- im quite comfortable with who i am, and what i look like and how i think. Im me!
So the first instance was, my good ole momma.  I'm sitting here reading a blog of one of my favorites- The Bipolar Diva- minding my own business after a long day at work. My mom was there watching the kids for me. So she glances over at my laptop and says, " you know i dont think you are bipolar, or that what  that borderline personality, i think really you are just depressed, are you happy with x? ( my boyfriend of 5 yrs) . AHH The nerve. I cant even remember right now if i even came back at her, i think i just got up and walked away. OHH i forgot shes the psychiatrist, the professional, the DOCTOR>
The second instance was just today.  As you may or may not know, i started a new AD- Pristiq ( effexor with new patent) and im not sure what i think of it. But i do know it is causing me to have hot episodes and sweating, which DRIVES ME CRAZY, I dont know if the med is even working, but its not working well enough to tolerate the sweating.  So i was mentioning this sweating thing to my gf at work. And she is a great girl, just has different views on some things than i, she tells me i drink too much coffee- AS if there is such a thing hahah. but there are other things, anyhow, she says to me, " well do you really even need it? why do you need it, you dont need it."  AHHH , she sees me at work every weekend where i pretty much just get by my 2 12hr shifts with a wink of sleep and im on autopilot- and im outgoing and talkative usually- it passes the time lol. I didnt even know how to respond, i did somehow like, she doesnt know me that well, etc. We talked about bipolar- with another nurse friend, and she was like, "well i have mood swings too, i get sad too" OMG OMG please dont these people know, its so not the same, and until you live and feel the effects of these problems, you have no idea what you are talking about.
Sometimes i wonder, what do people see , how different is it from what i feel inside . Do i hide it that well. do i function or fake my ADD symptoms so that no one knows the mess going on in my head and my house lol. 
Oh well, i certainly know how i feel.